# How many marriageable people do you know? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 6, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672 "2014-09-06T17:51:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/21 "2014-09-08T16:03:06Z")
Zero. And I am currently married. If I were to find myself unmarried for some reason, I would not marry again. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/22 "2014-09-08T17:23:49Z")
Here are my three necessary conditions for marital success: 1. Mutual trust and respect. 2. Shared or compatible values, goals, worldview. 3. Enjoyment of each other’s company in a wide variety of circumstances. (Note: these are things that need to be present going in, in order to have a chance of making it work. They are not about how you make it work once you’re married. But if you don’t have these things going in, no amount of ‘working on the relationship’ will save it.) Most of us know a number of persons of the opposite sex where #1 and #3 are true for us. #2 is the tricky one: you need to know someone pretty well to be sure you’re on the same page, deep down. I’ve probably known women besides my wife where all three of these conditions have been satisfied, but I honestly don’t know for sure. And I’m talking _lifetime_ here. Do I know any such women _now?_ It’s hard to say, but the odds are against it. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/23 "2014-09-08T17:32:49Z")
This is a hard one to answer because I’m not looking. I haven’t even asked anyone the kinds of questions I’d need to determine compatibility because I’m not looking. So my answer would be equally valid as “none” or as “about half of them” - while I can rule a few people out, I don’t know anyone well enough to rule them in. But I think I’ll go with 0. If I consider the hypothetical situation of “My wife has died, I’ve grieved and now I’m looking for a new mate. What do I do?” all of my responses are based on looking for new people. There’s no one in my current circle of acquaintances that jumps out as someone I’d ask out on a date. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/24 "2014-09-08T19:24:56Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > You, a man, would consider marrying a gay woman? No. While we have gay marriage over not all gay women I know are married. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/25 "2014-09-08T20:17:26Z")
I voted one, but likely the actual answer is zero. Almost all the women I know, either I have no interest in them or they have no interest in me, or most likely, both. Of the few that there is mutual or potentially mutual interest, only one clearly wouldn’t work out long term, and that one I just don’t know well enough to say. That’s why I voted one, but that’s more just me being optimistic. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/26 "2014-09-09T11:25:53Z")
One. To make things clear, it’s a non-starter since we’re both married but it’s someone with whom I’ve had amazing chemistry from day 1. Hour 1 would be more accurate. The sort of compatibility that I’ve experienced only a couple of times before, if that. > [@RTFirefly](#): > > Here are my three necessary conditions for marital success: > > 1. Mutual trust and respect. > > 2. Shared or compatible values, goals, worldview. > > 3. Enjoyment of each other’s company in a wide variety of circumstances. Reading **RTFirefly** ’s conditions from the bottom up, I’d say that #3 is obvious (other people have commented on it), #2 is likely but would need to be ascertained and #1 is very likely (certain on my part). ---
**Author:** ![AbigailLemberg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/50afbb/32.png) [@AbigailLemberg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbigailLemberg)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/27 "2014-09-09T11:42:04Z")
Umm…not too many of them…a very few. I’m not a kind of person who make quick decisions especially while dating someone. ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/28 "2014-09-10T00:42:30Z")
Should I, through some terrible tragedy, become single again I don’t anticipate ever looking for another husband. I’ve never met anybody besides my husband I’m interested in being married to. Among my acquaintance I can think of one gentleman that I wouldn’t be dismayed to be paired with in some weird aliens-have-invaded-and-are-forcing-us-to-marry scenario. But now that I think of it I am quite right as identifying him as “marriageable” because he just got engaged, so I guess he’s off the market. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/29 "2014-09-10T08:13:55Z")
6-7, I’d say. Any of my really good woman friends would be marriageable, the same conditions for marriageability apply to good friendship, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/30 "2014-09-10T10:54:28Z")
> [@](#): > > **Originally Posted by RTFirefly** > Here are my three necessary conditions for marital success: > > 1. Mutual trust and respect. > > 2. Shared or compatible values, goals, worldview. > > 3. Enjoyment of each other’s company in a wide variety of circumstances. Given the above, and that we said assuming all encumbrances have been removed or don’t exist, I said 2-4, and I think that’s right. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/31 "2014-09-10T12:21:43Z")
Ugh. The only two in my social circle I have sexual compatibility with are too immature in other areas. I could see marrying either one, but it’d be a pretty lop-sided arrangement. (Though, to be honest, less lop-sided than my one previous marriage, and with some work they could turn out okay. And their families really wish we’d get together.) Either one would mark me as “Captain Save-a-Ho” in the words of one of my platonic friends listed below. The two others I’m good friends with, we’re extremely compatible in most ways… co-workers with the first tell us we get along and bicker like an old married couple (and none can believe we’re not in a relationship, despite her being married to another guy who barely tolerates our friendship; apparently new coworkers think we’re married already, then are shocked to find out we’re not). One of those “work spouse” situations. She’s my work wife, we go to lunches and breaks together, work well together to be called the “dynamic duo” by one of our bosses, spend time with each other doing daily chores and errands. We are even financially intertwined at this point. (I maintain a secret bank account for her so her husband doesn’t raid it for motorcycle parts, we buy each other’s groceries or lunch, cover each other’s bills, etc. We have no idea what we owe each other at this point, and don’t really care.) But the idea of being intimate? Ew. Maybe we’d be good platonic domestic partners, but I think neither of us wants to see the other nekkid. Mutual friends with the other do much the same; we click and bicker like long-term lovers, we act like we’re already married when we’re together, we’ve temporarily been roommates. Problem is that we all consider each other our siblings. We_closely_ resemble each other to the point of creepiness, we introduce each other as brother and sister - when she drunkenly sexted me some intimate pictures because she was upset about one of my dalliances, it was just WTF all around. Friends all wanted to see the pics, I was just like “I don’t wanna see my sis naked!” Don’t think that’d work well in marriage. So, at this count. Two, barely, as there’d be a major “daddy” issue. Two, none, though everyone around us assumes there’s a relationship already. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/32 "2014-09-10T13:14:01Z")
Good god, man. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/33 "2014-09-10T13:44:14Z")
My husband is the first and only man I have met to whom I wanted to be married. So, none. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672/34 "2014-09-10T14:56:16Z")
What if the other person is married? I know a couple of married women I think I could make it work with. And a couple of single ones (but one has a boyfriend who is not me)… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-marriageable-people-do-you-know/697672.md?page=1)