# How many sex partners is too many? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2014, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172 "2014-03-20T18:17:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/61 "2014-03-21T05:49:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > 600 partners for a 40 year old whose been sexually active for 25 years implies a new sexual partner (presumably a one night stand or booty call), on average, every 2 weeks. Even if you are really attractive, that still assumes a lot of time and effort going out, meeting people, working on “game”, going to places where the sort of people who sleep with people they just met hang out (typically bars and clubs), so on and so forth. I keep forgetting how much work some people have to do, just to have sex once every 2 weeks. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/62 "2014-03-21T07:04:52Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I keep forgetting how much work some people have to do, just to have sex once every 2 weeks. This seems key to the ‘questioning’ of numbers in the hundreds. Depending on life style and (I guess) sexual orientation, there is nothing ‘impossible’ about it. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/63 "2014-03-21T09:17:11Z")
I voted for over 10, not because I care but because of a funny scene on the show “Cupid” (Paula Marshall, Jeremy Piven) about the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/64 "2014-03-21T10:13:23Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I keep forgetting how much work some people have to do, just to have sex once every 2 weeks. Well, indeed. My thoughts on seeing the thread title were something like: Straight man: 20 would be high Straight woman: 10 would be high Gay man: If you don’t need floating-point it’s all good. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/65 "2014-03-21T14:02:58Z")
I’m rather surprised that the poll isn’t split more 50-50 between “don’t care” and all of the numbered options. I guess there’s a lot more “sex is great, let’s share it safely!” people than “I want this to be special between you and me” people out there. I really do wonder how this compares to society at large (and age group breakdowns) so I can tell exactly where I lie (ho ho ho). Though, I wonder if people are answering for their opinions of everybody, or their opinions for a potential partner only? I mean I certainly don’t care what random strangers are up to, just the person I’m interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/66 "2014-03-21T14:03:30Z")
What would be a lot for me would be just a slow weekend for some. Does it matter? As someone upthread said, after a certain number, it just shows that we think differently about sex. That would be more important than any actual numbers. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/67 "2014-03-21T14:05:13Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > If you cannot remember the EXACT number, it’s probably too many. Somehow, a “+1” to this sounds terribly inappropriate… Actually, in my case it links to the “consensual” bit: if you can’t remember whether you did or did not and with whom, and there’s more than one party in your life whose end you can’t remember, your attitude towards getting out of your mind on purpose is very different from mine. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/68 "2014-03-21T14:31:07Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > A higher number than me is a whore and a lower number is a prude. 🙂 Thank you again, Mr. Carlin. > [@Shakes](#): > > I don’t get why adult males feel the need to lie about their number being higher than it really is. I’ve seen it here on this board a number of times: “Oh, my numbers is in the hundreeds” (As in 200+) > First off, no you haven’t slept with that many women you douche. > > Secondly, do you really think women hear that number and think to themselves “OMG! I gotta get with that guy, he’s so studly with his high number.”? > > They do not and us other guys know you are full of shit., > > High numbers are nothing to brag about and if you lie about a high number it just makes you look pathetic. Got a chip on your shoulder? Seems a bit pathetic. I have no doubt that many men make exaggerated claims. But I’m also sure that there are plenty of men with pretty high numbers, even if you just count their college years. I had one “patch” where I had what was, for me, a high count in just one six-month period, and I’m really not a player, not at all good at pickups or hookups. I know it was way lower than typical for a number of my friends who were particularly skilled at pickups. I do the math, and … yeah, it’s possible. That was back in the 70’s/80’s. My guess is the counts go up even faster today, but I wouldn’t know. My count has been 1 since 1986. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/69 "2014-03-21T14:33:00Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I keep forgetting how much work some people have to do, just to have sex once every 2 weeks. I think technology (Tinder and whatnot) has makes it a lot easier. My single days were largely pre-internet. Well, pre-internet used for dating by anyone but sad lonely weirdos and pedophiles. I had to spend most of my time going to bars and parties to meet women. Then we had to go on dates. It gets time consuming! But don’t tell me gay dudes don’t have to work hard to get laid. How much time at the gym? How much money on fancy clothes and drugs and parties and clubbing? Even rocks stars, athletes and movie actors who don’t need to work hard to get laid still have to extremely work hard at being awesome in their profession. > [@clairobscur](#): > > I picked “I don’t care” and intended to say : I don’t care, at all, either way. (although I will surely ask because I’m curious) > > But in fact I could wonder about extreme outliers. A girl I met when she was in her late 20 had had 50+ partners. It didn’t bother me the slighest bit, and in fact it turned out that she was kind of prude despite the numbers. So, I guess extreme enough for me to wonder would probably be in the 200+ range at 30 or at the contrary virgin at the same age. I (as a dude) have mostly been in longer-term relationships (including my latest extremely long one), so my “number” isn’t particularly high. But it seems to me that 50 partners from 16 to 30 is not really that much if you’ve never been in a long-term relationship. It’s only 4 unique hookups a year. I knew girls who blew 4 guys at one party! Also, someone was asking about how many guys the Sex and the City girls slept with over the 6 seasons of the show. > **[How many guys has Samantha Jones from sex and the city slept with? - Answers](https://www.answers.com/movies-and-television/How_many_guys_has_Samantha_Jones_from_sex_and_the_city_slept_with)** > > No exact number appears anywhere. But in the show's press kit, > it is said. "She believes that she has had "hundreds" of > soulmates." > According to the website Hollywoodbackwash.com the girls have > slept with 94 men and 1 woman over the 6 seasons.... Samantha was like 50 partners and the other girls were around 17-22. Again, for all the girls except Samantha, (and assuming each season is roughly one year in their lives), that equals about 3-4 partners per year. Although it’s probably closer to 6-8 per year as they all settled into monogamous relationships in later seasons. Given that the girls (except Samantha) are in their early 30s when we are first introduced to them, their final number could well be in the 40s or 50s at that pace. > [@polar bear](#): > > This seems key to the ‘questioning’ of numbers in the hundreds. Depending on life style and (I guess) sexual orientation, there is nothing ‘impossible’ about it. I don’t think the numbers are in question. It’s really more what the number means in terms of lifestyle. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/70 "2014-03-21T14:37:28Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > I’m rather surprised that the poll isn’t split more 50-50 between “don’t care” and all of the numbered options. I guess there’s a lot more “sex is great, let’s share it safely!” people than “I want this to be special between you and me” people out there. > > I really do wonder how this compares to society at large (and age group breakdowns) so I can tell exactly where I lie (ho ho ho). Before the Sexual Revolution and the AIDS pandemic, the message was **“Sex = Love”** (which, like all ideologies of primitive societies, had its attendant fallacies). For the last few generations, the message we now give is **“Sex = Responsibility”** ISTM that for the average person in 2014, sex is really nice, and all it asks in return is sound management; but otherwise it’s really, really no big deal. For some of us, because of how we were raised or because of things that happened to us, that can’t be how it is in our lives. But, outside looking in, I think the average person has it right. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/71 "2014-03-21T14:39:52Z")
Regarding knowing the count … At one point I did count them up, and at the time I was able to name all the names. But if I hadn’t done that then, I’d have to estimate today, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten at least half the names. Regardless, I’m confident that men overestimate and women underestimate (to put it kindly). Unless we believe in a flood of foreign lovers, the averages for straight men and women has to be the same. But women report lower numbers than men (2 vs. 9 in the US, last poll I heard). My guess is that they’re both wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/72 "2014-03-21T14:46:49Z")
BTW, I don’t know how to interpret the poll. If the question is “how many is too many” the choices should be: \>1 \>3 \>10 \>20 … etc. Is that how people are interpreting the choices? I see that other than “don’t care” and “other”, the biggest choice is 11-20. Does that mean 11 is too many, or that under 20 is OK, or what? Or does it mean that 11-20 is ideal? The OP clearly isn’t a social scientist. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Neutral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/977dab/32.png) [@Neutral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neutral)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/73 "2014-03-21T14:54:33Z")
There is never too many. I think it’s a very good and healthy idea to have sex with as many ppl as you can when your a young adult. Just make sure you always use protection. This is a good idea b/c there are so many married adults who now see themselves having all these weird&abstract fantasies and this usually leads to cheating b/c you’ll always wonder. It’s good to just get it out your system when your young, then find out what you truly like and eventually settle down and be 100% sure and satisfied with your choice. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/74 "2014-03-21T14:56:59Z")
never mind, redundant. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/75 "2014-03-21T14:58:00Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > The OP clearly isn’t a social scientist. 😉 He never claimed to be one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nevadaexile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nevadaexile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevadaexile)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/76 "2014-03-21T15:00:41Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Before the Sexual Revolution and the AIDS pandemic, the message was **“Sex = Love”** (which, like all ideologies of primitive societies, had its attendant fallacies). For the last few generations, the message we now give is **“Sex = Responsibility”** The number of unwanted pregnancies unfortunately belies this statement. People continue to have unprotected sex and will likely do so until mankind becomes extinct. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/77 "2014-03-21T15:01:14Z")
Those two sentences, together, makes no sense as written, Nevada. How is mankind going extinct when we keep having unprotected sex and unexpected pregnancies? ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/78 "2014-03-21T15:01:35Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > I see that other than “don’t care” and “other”, the biggest choice is 11-20. Does that mean 11 is too many, or that under 20 is OK, or what? Or does it mean that 11-20 is ideal? I think they’re asking “in which range of numbers do you think lies the limit between acceptable and too many?”. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/79 "2014-03-21T15:24:19Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Those two sentences, together, makes no sense as written, Nevada. How is mankind going extinct when we keep having unprotected sex and unexpected pregnancies? We–or something else–can kill ourselves off, of course. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172/80 "2014-03-21T15:30:39Z")
Gotcha. A sci-fi scenario, then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sex-partners-is-too-many/684172.md?page=5)