# How many sexual partners do you WISH you'd had? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428 "2006-08-27T17:53:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/61 "2006-08-28T19:20:00Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > _goes off grumbling_ What are they going to put in pie next? Ever see the movie [Revenge of the Nerds](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088000/)? Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Kairos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecc23a/32.png) [@Kairos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kairos)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/62 "2006-08-28T19:31:08Z")
I go back and forth on the topic - on one hand, I’ve passed up some opportunities that, in retrospect, I sorely wish I’d explored. On the other hand, with experience comes pain, and I could live with less (emotional) pain in my life. Perhaps the answer is that I’d keep the number the same, but I wish I’d selected different individuals. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/63 "2006-08-28T19:55:06Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I learned to look at the casual sex I had after my rape/abuse as part of the healing process. And I don’t regret any of them because they helped me become more whole after that. That makes sense. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/64 "2006-08-28T19:55:57Z")
I would take a pass on just about every guy up until I was about 22, with some notable exceptions (Damon, Jay, Dan, Kolya, Jesse, Justin, maybe a few more.) I’d keep just about every guy after 22, with some notable exceptions. I’d keep all the girls, though. Which would bring my number to around…I’m not sure…30-ish? It’s hard to say since I stopped counting a loooonnnngg time ago. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/65 "2006-08-28T20:14:00Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Assuming that a perfect world would be free of infectious diseases and violent criminals, I’d like to have had more. Lots, lots more. [/QUOTE] One of my first girlfriends told me that if she had known in High School how much fun sex was, she would have been a total slut. I, on the other hand, in a perfect “Time Enough for Love” sort of world, probably would up my numbers by at least a few specific people. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/66 "2006-08-28T21:18:10Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist] One of my first girlfriends told me that if she had known in High School how much fun sex was, she would have been a total slut. [/QUOTE] If I’d known in high school the extent to which my actual behavior was irrelevant to whether I was labeled a slut, and how much it wouldn’t matter when I left high school whether or not people in high school thought I was a slut, I would totally have lived up to my reputation. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/67 "2006-08-28T21:21:25Z")
One per hour. If that fails, then one about five minutes after the last one and I have just wrapped up festivities. Shit, we can go with a couple per hour. I’m adventrous. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/68 "2006-08-28T22:22:26Z")
Men say that, but they really don’t mean it. Oh sure for a day or two, or a long weekend, even a week or two, but year in, year out? More than two three times a day? Uh huh, not buying it. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/69 "2006-08-28T22:43:44Z")
In a romanticized, ideal world, I wish I’d been with only my wife. (In reality, she is my third.) However, there are times when I feel so completely inept that I can’t imagine how bad it would be if I actually had _less_ experience than I do now. :o ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/70 "2006-08-28T22:56:43Z")
Number of sexual partners: 0 and holding steady. Age: 21 Number I wish I had: 2 or 3 would be ideal, but any number greater than 0 would be just peachy. ---
**Author:** ![Frelling\_Tralk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecc23a/32.png) [@Frelling\_Tralk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frelling_Tralk)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/71 "2006-08-28T23:00:18Z")
There are times when I wish the number were lower, specifically to omit some of the lousier experiences (the married friend of my BIL at my sister’s wedding, for example, who didn’t tell me he was married and has eternally made my BIL regard me as a slut). But, as a person who generally believes that my “self” is made up of my prior experiences and all that they taught me, I’m pretty happy with my actual numbers. I might lie to a potential partner to avoid having him think ill of me, though. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/72 "2006-08-28T23:18:32Z")
If sex didn’t carry so much freight around, I’d say a lot. Especially in grad school, when I was practically a monk. I had sex with a half-dozen women; I wouldn’t mind if it had been double that, if it had just been that. But it is heavily freighted, so I guess my count is probably about right. There’s not much worse than the pain of good lovin’ gone bad. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/73 "2006-08-28T23:22:52Z")
[QUOTE=AndrewL] I have been with just one woman in my life, who I have now been married to for 5 years. While I don’t regret marrying her when I did, I do find myself wishing that I’d had a wider range of partners before being with her. Not that this was ever likely to have happened - it’s ironic that only after getting married did my social skills and appearance improve to the point that other women became interested in me. I don’t know what a good number would be - half a dozen, a dozen, 20? It just bothers me on some base level that everyone else seems to have had a lot more and better sex than I have. (Although it also bothers me that it bothers me, but that’s a whole different issue.) [/QUOTE] Have no regrets about this, young man. When you are my age, you will realize that it’s all, as Steve Buscemi said in “Fargo,” “the old in and out.” Enjoyment of sex is in the mind and the heart, not in the groin. As you and your wife become more comfortable with and accustomed to each other, you will be able to take each other on wonderful journeys of passion and erotica. When reciting Elizabeth Browning to her during foreplay and Dylan Thomas during orgasm (“Rage, rage against the dying of the light!”) becomes old hat, then you should look for new partners. Until then, it’s the quality of the partner that counts, not the quantity. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/74 "2006-08-29T00:54:24Z")
[QUOTE=dahfisheroo] Men say that, but they really don’t mean it. Oh sure for a day or two, or a long weekend, even a week or two, but year in, year out? More than two three times a day? Uh huh, not buying it. [/QUOTE] I think at least two men in this thread have wished for lower numbers. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/75 "2006-08-29T00:59:12Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Wouldn’t it have just been ONE? [/QUOTE] C’mon. This is **Eve** we’re talkin’ about here. She can easily have handled two or three. 😃 And Yes. A few who I did not pursue for sound reasons at the time. Being old makes you regret lots of stuff. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/76 "2006-08-29T01:25:39Z")
[QUOTE=Frelling Tralk] There are times when I wish the number were lower, specifically to omit some of the lousier experiences (the married friend of my BIL at my sister’s wedding, for example, who didn’t tell me he was married and has eternally made my BIL regard me as a slut). [/QUOTE] He blames you, and not his adulterous friend? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/77 "2006-08-29T01:45:18Z")
[QUOTE=dahfisheroo] Men say that, but they really don’t mean it. Oh sure for a day or two, or a long weekend, even a week or two, but year in, year out? More than two three times a day? Uh huh, not buying it. [/QUOTE] Purely anecdotal, but I once heard a story from a fellow Mensan about a gay friend of hers (who ultimately died of AIDS): Back in the late-'70s-early-'80s days of completely uninhibited gay sexuality, he once mentioned to her that he had an average of a thousand sexual partners a year. She was incredulous, pointed out that would come out to more than three a day. He thought a moment, then said, “Yeah, that’s about right.” He **could** do that (without ever having to buy it) because he was a guy seeking sex among an urban community of guys. Guys are horny. And we’re hard-wired, not just to do it as often as possible, but to spread our seed as widely as possible, with as many different partners as possible, as an evolutionary strategy for differential reproductive success – and gay guys are not exempt from that even though their preferred sexual practices are non-reproductive. [If women were as horny as men,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348812) would most straight men have that many sex partners in a year? My guess: Probably. Not all of us, but most of us. Face it, we’re sluts. ---
**Author:** ![the\_chicken\_of\_exeter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac8455/32.png) [@the\_chicken\_of\_exeter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_chicken_of_exeter)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/78 "2006-08-29T01:57:56Z")
i would probably erase most of the one night stands i had during my wild youth, all the ones when i was 13/14 probably. but then i would have to add all the girls that i was too scared to admit to liking until the age of 16. also the fact that i backpacked around the world for a year being faithful to a long term boyfriend back home who was cheating on me (don’t blame him, staying faithful for that long without seeing each other was a dumb idea) would probably add 10 or 20. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/79 "2006-08-29T02:01:58Z")
I’ve only had sex with my current boyfriend. We are planning on spending the rest of our lives together. However, the one partner thing wasn’t from lack of trying. I didn’t care about my virginity in the slightest (other than losing it hurt a lot) and gave it up after a week of dating him. Occasionally I wish I had had some more experience, if only to have been less skittish and incompetent at the beginning, not that he wasn’t loving and understanding. I’m also bisexual and part of me wonders what it would have been like to be with another woman, but only in that ah, what if kind of way, not in the I won’t be able to stay faithful to him kind of way. I’m happy with one, but I think I would have been just as happy with 5 or so. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428/80 "2006-08-29T02:36:46Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Purely anecdotal, but I once heard a story from a fellow Mensan about a gay friend of hers (who ultimately died of AIDS): Back in the late-'70s-early-'80s days of completely uninhibited gay sexuality, he once mentioned to her that he had an average of a thousand sexual partners a year. She was incredulous, pointed out that would come out to more than three a day. He thought a moment, then said, “Yeah, that’s about right.” He **could** do that (without ever having to buy it) because he was a guy seeking sex among an urban community of guys. Guys are horny. And we’re hard-wired, not just to do it as often as possible, but to spread our seed as widely as possible, with as many different partners as possible, as an evolutionary strategy for differential reproductive success – and gay guys are not exempt from that even though their preferred sexual practices are non-reproductive. [If women were as horny as men,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348812) would most straight men have that many sex partners in a year? My guess: Probably. Not all of us, but most of us. Face it, we’re sluts. [/QUOTE] I was trying to say men think about things differently than how they actually do them when it comes to sex. (I’m sure women do, too, another topic.) Anecdotally the few men I have known who have had the classic threesome fantasy realized, said that they didn’t really think it was all that great, too much multitasking, etc. But it is one of the higher rated fantasies I am sure. Even though your friend of a friend had sex approximately 3 times a day, doesn’t mean he was having sex with men who were _also_ having sex three times a day. My point is that a lot of men say “Yeah, hey sex all day, everyday.” But when actually involved with a woman who is amenable to that, they eventually go down to once, maybe twice a day. And yes, I am happily married, thank you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-sexual-partners-do-you-wish-youd-had/370428.md?page=5)