# How many times should you kiss a European? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 20, 2004, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817 "2004-11-20T10:25:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/1 "2004-11-20T10:25:56Z")
Serious question here, honestly. I’m an American woman who recently relocated temporarily to Europe, for professional reasons. I’m now encountering colleagues (academic, somewhat cosmopolitan, I guess middle- to upper-middle-class) **from** different European countries, **in** different European countries, and have to confront the issue of “social kissing” when saying hello or goodbye to them. Unfortunately, the etiquette seems to be very variable! Of course, this isn’t an issue when dealing with comparative strangers, where one just shakes hands. And in the case of intimate friends, I could just ask directly “Hey, what’s the deal with this Yurpin greeting ritual—am I supposed to hug you or kiss you or what?” But the in-between case of a friendly collegial relationship, where people you’re not really personally intimate with nonetheless offer a warmer greeting than the formal handshake, is a bit more difficult. Any help out there? I don’t need to know **when** a social kiss is appropriate, because the other person usually initiates it. But I do need to know what to expect when I see it coming, because a misunderstanding—my going for the left cheek when they’re going for the right cheek, for example—can lead and has led to some minor but embarrassing goofs! And I blush easily. So please help me fill in the lacunae in the following rules I’ve gleaned about the kiss of greeting in various European cultures. Especial gratitude for anyone who can reduce it to a compact table that will fit on a wallet card for ease of reference. 🙂 - French: Single kiss on right cheek, sometimes followed by single kiss on left cheek (henceforth “right-left”). Offered (to a woman) by both men and women, more frequently by women. - German: Social kissing rare; when offered, follows “right-left” pattern. - Netherlands: Three of 'em (!), right-left-right, both men and women. Big ol’ American hugs are, of course, right out (occasional exception for female colleagues who are good friends and who have lived in the US). A final question: does location trump nationality when it comes to kiss etiquette? A Dutch-born, German-resident colleague gave me the Dutch triple-kiss when he greeted me in the Netherlands, but then teased me a bit about my “Dutch customs” when I went for smooch #3 when he greeted me in Germany. Rally round, EuroDopers, my social savoir-faire is in your hands. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![xash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c6cbf5/32.png) [@xash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xash)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/2 "2004-11-20T10:41:50Z")
Dutch is 3. Right-Right, Left-Left, Right-Right. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/3 "2004-11-20T10:59:44Z")
UK & Ireland are pretty staid, usually shaking hands, but here’s my observation of the habit when it occurs. UK: one or two depending on how well you know the person. Usually confined to the middle-classes, though. Ireland: occasionally, one cheek. ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/4 "2004-11-20T11:59:55Z")
Spain, twice. It’s unconscious but if I think about it the sequence is right, left. In most Latin American countries it is just once, which takes some adjustment and a lot of kisses in the air each time I return. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/5 "2004-11-20T12:33:47Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > - French: Single kiss on right cheek, sometimes followed by single kiss on left cheek (henceforth “right-left”). Offered (to a woman) by both men and women, more frequently by women. > ! Sorry, but in France it varies from one region to another between two and four. Four is overdoing it in Paris, even between friends (I know because I normally kiss four times, and I’m sometimes called on it). A single kiss seems weird to me. I didn’t even notice some people were single-kissing. I don’t kiss colleagues, either. So, as you can see, there’s no firmly established rule. No risk of huge “faux pas”, IMO. It shouldn’t bother you that much. ---
**Author:** ![ticker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@ticker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ticker)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/6 "2004-11-20T12:58:15Z")
Whilst saying my farewells to the parisian family friends I had been staying with for a few days, the number of kisses ranged from two to five. Color me confused. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/7 "2004-11-20T13:43:35Z")
Scandinavia: Don’t even think about it 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/8 "2004-11-20T14:49:20Z")
No experience with European customs, but here in Pittsburgh we do this tongue thing. Hard to describe, but if you are ever in the area… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/9 "2004-11-20T15:12:08Z")
I’m not a native Brit, but I live in London. IME, women get a right-left double kiss (female friends, plus women I’m introduced to in a social situation). In a business context, I shake the hands of women I meet. I’m male, so men get a handshake. I thought this was common practice, but based on what **jjimm** says, maybe it breaks down on class. I mimic my English boyfriend, who’s a public (meaning private) school git. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/10 "2004-11-20T15:37:22Z")
> [@Jervoise](#): > > II thought this was common practice, but based on what **jjimm** says, maybe it breaks down on class. It’s definitely a middle-class thing, and I think also mainly a southern practice. (The kind of people who take Julian and Toby off to a villa in Provence at half-term, and so think of themselves as cultured and European and whatever…) ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/11 "2004-11-20T17:09:38Z")
In French-speaking Switzerland it’s 3 times, rights, then lefts, then rights. I’m American and it’s funny when I meet another American and we do the Swiss kiss thing, and realize halfway through, hey, no Swiss people around, we can just shake hands! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/12 "2004-11-20T17:14:39Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > It’s definitely a middle-class thing… Which begs the question (for an American): What do Brits mean when they say “middle class”? I’m always a bit confues because in the US it means unpretentious to a fault, but Brits seem to attach some set of snobbery to the term, even if it’s an affected snobbery. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/13 "2004-11-20T22:47:59Z")
**John Mace** , in Britain and Ireland “middle class” is equivalent to the American upper middle class - not filthy rich, but wealthy enough to send their kids to private schools etc. Re the kisses thing: In Serbia it’s three kisses, right-left-right. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/14 "2004-11-21T00:12:23Z")
Middle-class Britain is wonderfully elusive. It _very generally_ means the type of people who live in an owned (mortgaged) property in Commuterham, have two kids in a nice school, and generally feel comfortable. Pejoratively, it means people who’ve had the fortune to be of an age and a status to take advantage of the huge change to Britain’s economy from the 70s to the 90s, and who are now in a wonderful position to financially isolate themselves from the outside. Also pejoratively, it can mean people who … or people who…or people who don’t …or … I shouldn’t go on, I’ll just insult everyone. My point is that ‘middle class’ is both a very flexible term, and also a very political one (_no_ politician will ever actually use it). And it’s so flexible _because_ it’s ill-defined. Yet at the same time, in some ingrained way that is a combination of feudalism, Sky TV and everything in between, we know who the ‘middle class’ are in any particular context. ---
**Author:** ![scm1001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@scm1001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scm1001)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/15 "2004-11-21T03:27:42Z")
How many times should you kiss a European? If its Audrey Tautou then as often as possible ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/16 "2004-11-21T05:51:18Z")
> [@ruadh](#): > > **John Mace** , in Britain and Ireland “middle class” is equivalent to the American upper middle class - not filthy rich, but wealthy enough to send their kids to private schools etc. Wouldn’t that actually be \*\*public \*\*schools, in British terminology? I always find it fascinating how these common terms mean such different things on opposite sides of the Atlantic. Can be very confusing sometimes! ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/17 "2004-11-21T07:01:24Z")
Oh, and I’d say that the British who are able to pay for private school are the upper-middle class. Just to confuse things more 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/18 "2004-11-21T07:04:15Z")
> [@John Mace](#): > > Wouldn’t that actually be \*\*public \*\*schools, in British terminology? No, no, no. Public schools are also private schools. Actual public schools are called state schools. Simple 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/19 "2004-11-21T19:50:38Z")
**xash:** _Dutch is 3. Right-Right, Left-Left, Right-Right._ **jjimm:** _UK: one or two depending on how well you know the person. […] Ireland: occasionally, one cheek._ **Martha:** _Spain, twice […] the sequence is right, left. In most Latin American countries it is just once_ **clairobscur:** _in France it varies from one region to another between two and four. Four is overdoing it in Paris_ **ticker:** _Whilst saying my farewells to the parisian family friends I had been staying with for a few days, the number of kisses ranged from two to five._ **Jervoise:** _in London […] women get a right-left double kiss_ **Endemic:** _In French-speaking Switzerland it’s 3 times, rights, then lefts, then rights._ **ruadh:** _In Serbia it’s three kisses, right-left-right._ Well, thanks everybody, I think. Cripes. Are there any plans for the European Union to set some kind of international standard on this? Also, nobody’s addressed my question about whether “location trumps nationality”; e.g., will a “double-kiss” native transplanted to a “triple-kiss” culture use the double or the triple kiss? **clairobscur:** _No risk of huge “faux pas”, IMO. It shouldn’t bother you that much._ Oh, that’s all very well for you suave Yurpin types, who are brought up to this sort of thing and doubtless familiar with its subtle non-verbal cues. Let me tell you that for a novice, when you start off going for the wrong cheek or don’t “turn the other cheek” fast enough because you’re not expecting an additional kiss, it is perfectly possible to wind up with an unintentional smooch on the lips instead. Call me an uptight American prude, but I think that’s a little embarrassing. BTW, it’s interesting to see that the triple-kiss is so much more common than I’d realized; I thought it was pretty much just a Dutch thing. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817/20 "2004-11-21T23:15:24Z")
When (as a youngster) I asked my Grandfather why Frenchmen on the news were kissing each other, he simply said, “Real men don’t kiss.” 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-times-should-you-kiss-a-european/275817.md?page=2)