# How many \[X\] does it take to change a light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2000, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330 "2000-05-12T11:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![NavinR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@NavinR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NavinR)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/82 "2000-06-03T01:15:47Z")
How many Fruedians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two-one to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis-I mean ladder! ---
**Author:** ![NavinR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@NavinR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NavinR)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/83 "2000-06-03T01:19:35Z")
Yes, I realize I can’t spell Freud. ---
**Author:** ![buddha33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@buddha33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha33)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/84 "2000-06-03T04:41:08Z")
how many 13 yr. old girls does it take to change a light bulb? four. 1 to change it, 1 to dream about n\* sync, and 2 to pick out what abercrombie and fitch outfit they’ll wear when they get to change it. how many pittsburgh steelers… four. one to do it and three to talk about how good they were in the 70s. how many students from my high school… four. one to do it and three to figure out how they can earn a credit for doing it. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/85 "2000-06-03T05:36:25Z")
This has kind of a limited audience, although I’ll bet it belongs to all four parks… Q. How many Disneyland employees does it take to change a lightbulb? A. All of them. One to do it, and the rest to talk about it. OR A. One, and they’d better be from Electrical. * * * Poor Little Willy. we’ll be seeing him no more For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Hook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/91b2a8/32.png) [@Duck\_Hook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Hook)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/86 "2000-06-03T07:00:32Z")
How many smartass mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? .999… ---
**Author:** ![shawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba8739/32.png) [@shawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shawk)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/87 "2000-06-03T15:28:42Z")
How many New Yorkers? What’s it to you, asshole. ---
**Author:** ![shawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba8739/32.png) [@shawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shawk)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/88 "2000-06-03T15:38:07Z")
How many New Yorkers? What’s it to you, asshole. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/89 "2000-06-03T16:01:38Z")
How many sovereignists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to split the working lightbulb in two with an axe, and one to bitch about how it’s not giving off any more light. ---
**Author:** ![apple3142](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9bcb4/32.png) [@apple3142](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apple3142)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/90 "2000-06-04T01:39:40Z")
None, Silly. Babies haven’t developed the motor-cooridination to change a lightbulb ! ---
**Author:** ![tcotrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c2a13f/32.png) [@tcotrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tcotrel)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/91 "2000-06-04T06:12:54Z")
How many UCLA girls: It’s women, and that’s not funny. New Yorkers: None of your #$@%^&! business Calvinists: None. The light bulb was predestined to burn out. ---
**Author:** ![BuddyG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BuddyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuddyG)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/92 "2000-06-04T15:30:58Z")
How many pro-lifers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six: One to screw in the bulb And five to testify that it was lit as soon as the screwing started. ---
**Author:** ![BuddyG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BuddyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuddyG)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/93 "2000-06-04T15:33:54Z")
How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end ---
**Author:** ![BuddyG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@BuddyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuddyG)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/94 "2000-06-04T15:37:03Z")
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? None. The sockets go with the house. ---
**Author:** ![aloysius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@aloysius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aloysius)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/95 "2000-06-04T17:56:12Z")
How many soprano soloists does it take to change a lightbulb? - Four: one changes the bulb, while the other three gossip about it being ‘much too high for her’. How many Oxford Professors does it take to change a lighbulb? - CHANGE? ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Joe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@Me\_Joe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Joe)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/96 "2000-06-04T19:57:07Z")
As long as we’re on the topic of bad one-liners: What do you call a man with no arms or legs… …that lies on the front doorstep? Matt …that floats in water? Bob …that hangs from a nail on the wall? Art …that floats in a kettle of simmering water? Stew …that you throw in a ditch? Phil what do you call a one-legged girl? Eileen I could go on but i’ll spare you all the pain and agony. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/97 "2000-06-04T20:16:03Z")
“Mrs. Jones, can Bobby come out and play?” “Now, boys, you know Bobby has no arms or legs!” “We know; we want to use him for third base!” ---
**Author:** ![Anonymous\_c38f64651bbfc0fca993c5b066c30099](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a698b9/32.png) [@Anonymous\_c38f64651bbfc0fca993c5b066c30099](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anonymous_c38f64651bbfc0fca993c5b066c30099)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/98 "2000-06-04T20:21:38Z")
Siamese twins can’t change lightbulbs. When one tries to steady the ladder, the other falls off it. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2000, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/99 "2000-06-05T16:50:20Z")
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Dachshund: I can’t reach the stupid lamp! Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me! Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . . Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch. Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there… Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares? Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle… Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? ---
**Author:** ![eight\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/90ced4/32.png) [@eight\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eight_guy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/100 "2000-06-05T17:51:24Z")
You guys and gals had all the ones I know…still mine are variations on the theme. How many folksingers… two - one to write a song mourning the old bulb How many Surrealists… Two - one to paint the bathroom white and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. How many Feminists… THATS’ NOT FUNNY How many Real Men… None. Real Men aren’t afraid of the dark. How many Canadians… That’s up to the Royal commission and the Public Hearings… or None. Unless I get a grant. How many Americans… Two One to repeatedly shoot the bulb and one to set off the flares How many Torontoians One to hold the bulb and let the world revolve around him Can’t help it… must share the Get out of the Pool variation… How do you get 100 Canadians out of the pool Say “Get out of the Pool” How do you get 100 Califorians out of the pool Say “This pool has been chemically treated for your protections” Gary ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330/101 "2000-06-05T18:34:26Z")
How many dyslexic agnostics does it tkae to screw in a light bulb? Well, I really don’t know if changing the light bulb would do any good; why should I have faith that a new one would work? I mean, you’d have to **show** me that a new light bulb would really work, then I might change it, but until then, you’re asking me to put my trust in an abstract idea of the potential effect of changing the light bulb, and I just can’t make that leap of faith. For all I know, it’s the socket that needs changing, not the bulb. So I’ll just sit here in the dark and wonder if there really is a Dog. Two jokes in one!!! Ohh, I’m good. How many Montana ranchers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two; one to hole the sheep down, and one to… oops, sorry, wrong joke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-many-x-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb/19330.md?page=6)