# How may we serve you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2018, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059 "2018-05-29T14:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/1 "2018-05-29T14:38:27Z")
If you could have one (already paid for) full time servant/employee, which would you choose: a cook, a butler or a chauffeur? ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/2 "2018-05-29T14:42:08Z")
What does a butler do? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/3 "2018-05-29T14:42:18Z")
I don’t need a driver. We don’t eat at home enough to justify a full time cook. So, a butler it is! I’m not sure what I’d have them do, but I’d think of something. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/4 "2018-05-29T14:46:07Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > What does a butler do? Buttles of course! Lays out your clothes, answers the phone, tells the maids what to do, generally runs the household. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/5 "2018-05-29T14:46:47Z")
Other: Maid. I don’t need someone to answer the door but someone dusting the shelves would be nice. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/6 "2018-05-29T14:47:11Z")
Cooks only cook. Drivers only drive. Butlers do all kinds of things! Including helping you cover up your shenanigans! And get you a cook or a driver when you need one! Def Butler! ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/7 "2018-05-29T14:47:25Z")
A housekeeper who did my cleaning chores, like vacuuming, dusting, taking out the trash, making beds, laundry and stuff like that. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/8 "2018-05-29T14:48:34Z")
I picked chauffeur. I’ve got places to go, things to do and horrible night vision. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_Peebles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Jim\_Peebles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_Peebles)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/9 "2018-05-29T14:48:44Z")
Wikipedia says the butler can be used as a chauffer, and the list of duties seems like you can ask him to cook something. So everyone should, logically, choose butler. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/10 "2018-05-29T14:52:17Z")
Maybe I’m just not getting into the spirit, but it seems that a butler without a staff is kind of a wasted position. That said, I’d go with groundskeeper/maintenance person. Mow, weed, stack wood, shovel snow, fix the fence, that kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/11 "2018-05-29T14:54:34Z")
I went with the cook. A cleaning lady coming in once every two weeks suffices for the vast majority of our housecleaning needs, so having a full-time housekeeper seems like _way_ overkill. (ETA: And I don’t mind driving, so no desire for a chauffer.) And a butler seems kinda pointless if you don’t have other servants for him to manage. But someone to fix all our meals and clean up afterwards would be a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/12 "2018-05-29T14:56:01Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Cooks only cook. > Drivers only drive. > > Butlers do all kinds of things! Including helping you cover up your shenanigans! And get you a cook or a driver when you need one! > > Def Butler! Yeah, how about all those mysteries where “the butler did it”? No way I’m getting a butler - don’t want to wake up dead some morning! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/13 "2018-05-29T15:14:04Z")
I don’t need help with the things listed but I could use a part-time masseuse - preferably a pretty 20 something woman with strong hands that can engage in witty banter. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/14 "2018-05-29T15:15:09Z")
In the DL Sayers books, Bunter, Lord Peter’s valet, does a bit of everything: he drives, he cooks, he waits at table, he cleans, he shops, he even assists with his master’s hobby of amateur criminology. So I’d like a Bunter. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/15 "2018-05-29T15:16:03Z")
A cook and it’s not even close. Someone who knows which foods I like, how I like them prepared and can make it for me when I don’t have to? Hell yes. Also, if they cook then they know more about food than just how to make it warm, so I can have someone with the knowledge of food to make me healthy, filling meals that taste good and are good for me. Also also this is happening 3 times a day every day? Again, not even close! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/16 "2018-05-29T15:23:36Z")
Definitely housekeeper. Someone who enjoys dusting. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/17 "2018-05-29T15:25:26Z")
I would want a factotum, so I voted “other.” > [@](#): > > 1: a person having many diverse activities or responsibilities > 2 : a general servant ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/18 "2018-05-29T15:26:07Z")
I like to cook and drive. So butler provided he will shovel snow and lives off property. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/19 "2018-05-29T15:27:02Z")
Someone like Jeeves, who does it all, would be splendid. If it has to be narrowed down, a housekeeper who is responsible for the home and does the shopping and some of the cooking would be amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/20 "2018-05-29T15:32:51Z")
I hate to drive, but my SO likes driving me around, so that’s covered. I voted “other,” because I could wear out a full-time, on-call masseur. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059.md?page=2)