# How may we serve you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2018, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059 "2018-05-29T14:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/21 "2018-05-29T15:33:10Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I would want a factotum, so I voted “other.” You want an "Alfred ". ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/22 "2018-05-29T15:53:52Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I like to cook and drive. So butler provided he will shovel snow and lives off property. Look, a good butler will help cover for your misdeeds but if he has to shovel lives off the property, he’s eventually going to crack. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/23 "2018-05-29T16:02:30Z")
I voted other. I want a secretary. I have need of one. A cute, young fellow to take copious notes and record my visionary thoughts and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/24 "2018-05-29T16:19:02Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > A housekeeper who did my cleaning chores, like vacuuming, dusting, taking out the trash, making beds, laundry and stuff like that. Yep! ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/25 "2018-05-29T16:25:38Z")
Chauffeur. Driving around here _suuucks_, and I tend to stay home rather than go out because I just don’t want to deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/26 "2018-05-29T16:27:32Z")
Cook. Not even close. > [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > Someone like Jeeves, who does it all, would be splendid. If it has to be narrowed down, a housekeeper who is responsible for the home and does the shopping and some of the cooking would be amazing. Jeeves was a valet. Although Wodehouse’s novels seem to suggest that he “did it all” (because he never said no), there was a fairly strict social code that limited what a gentleman’s valet could be asked to do. It just doesn’t come up in the novels because Bertie would never ask his man to do something inappropriate to his station. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/27 "2018-05-29T16:37:46Z")
If the butler will clean the house, then a butler, otherwise none of the options. Well, maybe a cook if he or she will clean the kitchen, even if I happen to do the cooking. I had a full time chauffeur for five years. I do not recommend, although if I’d had a family with kids during that time, things may have been different. There were _times_ it was nice, but if I were paying out of pocket for the service, I’d only want to pay for the times that I actually benefitted, such as being picked up at the airport five hours away, or wanting to have a bottle of wine with dinner. Otherwise, it was a PITA trying to be a nice person cognizant of the fact that he has a family he wants to be with at the same time I need to be driven around. My driver was great, responsible, friendly, dependable, and didn’t run Didi service like some of the other people’s drivers did (like my first driver did). I have no complaints about his service, but managing a driver is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/28 "2018-05-29T16:38:43Z")
I’d want someone to do my yard work - mowing, raking, weeding, pruning - all the not-fun chores outside. I like planting. The rest is drudgery! ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/29 "2018-05-29T16:50:33Z")
A cook, but make sure you check the titles and contents of her cookbooks _[very carefully](http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/tumblr_lm77uuW5G71qb98uxo1_500-2_dragged_6225.jpg)_… ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/30 "2018-05-29T17:20:16Z")
For about the next 30 days Chauffeur but that is because I have several long days of driving in the next month. It would be nice to be able to sleep and read in the car and still make it places on time. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/31 "2018-05-29T17:22:10Z")
We both enjoy cooking and driving, so butler it is! But I’d prefer to refer to him as my manservant (is that OK?). ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/32 "2018-05-29T17:26:28Z")
I love to drive so no driver. Housekeepers are paid thieves, and I don’t generally need my shenanigans covered up, so no butler. Since weight loss happens in the kitchen, I’ll take a kook who specializes in Mediterranean cuisine (preferably one that makes all Med cuisine taste like chocolate cake. BUT the kook must let me watch and learn, because I love cooking almost as much as I do driving. Also, must also not mind that I will always spell the title as “kook”. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/33 "2018-05-29T18:43:30Z")
I want one of those women, I can’t recall what they are called, that are in charge of the “household” and who does all the adulting so I can watch TV and play with my toys. She would be in charge of buying a new washer and dryer when the old ones get too old. She would call someone to come see what is wrong with the garage door. She would get someone to install a new faucet in the bathtub. She would test the security alarm every month and change the batteries in the smoke detectors. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/34 "2018-05-29T18:46:12Z")
… mother? ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/35 "2018-05-29T18:49:46Z")
Chauffeur, because I don’t drive and am unlikely to be able to do so in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/36 "2018-05-29T18:54:43Z")
> [@Karen\_Lingel](#): > > I want one of those women, I can’t recall what they are called, that are in charge of the “household” and who does all the adulting so I can watch TV and play with my toys. She would be in charge of buying a new washer and dryer when the old ones get too old. She would call someone to come see what is wrong with the garage door. She would get someone to install a new faucet in the bathtub. She would test the security alarm every month and change the batteries in the smoke detectors. Wife? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/37 "2018-05-29T18:55:10Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > What does a butler do? Well, if he’s Alfred, [he curb stomps Superman](https://comicnewbies.com/2013/10/27/alfred-pennyworth-vs-superman/). I’d have to go with a butler or housekeeper. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/38 "2018-05-29T19:31:56Z")
I’d have a cook who also does housework. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/39 "2018-05-29T19:33:16Z")
> [@Karen\_Lingel](#): > > She would be in charge of buying a new washer and dryer when the old ones get too old. She would call someone to come see what is wrong with the garage door. She would get someone to install a new faucet in the bathtub. She would test the security alarm every month and change the batteries in the smoke detectors. Yeah, _this_. More or less, an administrative assistant for the household. Someone to get three estimates for the new roof, to deal with BG&E about net metering if we decide to get solar panels, to get the car to the dealer to have that safety recall taken care of, all that sort of crap. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2018, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059/40 "2018-05-29T19:36:26Z")
Housekeeper please. The dust rhinos are gathering under some of my furniture. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-may-we-serve-you/815059.md?page=3)