# How might the Electric Chair be modernized? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 24, 2014, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152 "2014-05-24T04:43:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/61 "2014-05-26T14:24:39Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Why? If it’s perfectly legal, and in fact a good thing for the state to kill someone, why should it be useful to conceal who did the killing? Heck, just set up a timer to go off at midnight per the Standard Time signal. Now that we’re in Opinions, I can add that I would NOT want the job given to someone who eagerly looks forward to it, and people who want gruesome and painful for its own sake are disturbing; but if “decent” folk are so queasy about being the one whose hand delivers the death strike, or about seeing/smelling what it’s like for a man to be killed in our name, or about cleaning up afterwards, maybe we should not be ordering it done. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/62 "2014-05-26T14:57:26Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > Why? If it’s perfectly legal, and in fact a good thing for the state to kill someone, why should it be useful to conceal who did the killing? > > In fact, why not have it be a requirement in state law that the button must be pushed by a current or past member of the Legislature who voted for the death penalty? or, a current or former governor who signed death penalty legislation? For the same reason that one of the rifles in a firing squad is loaded with a blank. Personally, I wouldn’t care. I would have no problem being the button pusher, and I don’t think that anyone on your list would, either. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/63 "2014-05-26T15:48:41Z")
Social media campaigns. Provide live updates on the execution on Twitter, put the video on Youtube. Hold a lottery that gives you a chance to be the executioner if you “like” the event on Facebook. Let the chair be operated wirelessly through an iPad app rather than a manual switch. Leave the prisoner one free arm so he can take selfies with a Samsung phone as long as he can during the execution. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/64 "2014-05-26T16:23:13Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > I just clicked on “New Posts,” and this thread was right under “How electroconductive is semen?” Death by bukkake? ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/65 "2014-05-26T23:43:57Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > A footrest might be nice. > > As for cooking the condemned, that may be true, but isn’t it true the central nervous system is instantly fried, rendering the condemned unconscious? Isn’t it more grisly for the viewers than the condemned? Not if it’s not set up correctly. From [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willie\_Francis](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Willie_Francis) > [@](#): > > On May 3, 1946, the electric chair failed to kill Willie Francis. Witnesses reported hearing the teenager scream from behind the leather hood, “Take it off! Take it off! Let me breathe!” as the supposedly lethal surge of electricity was being applied.[2] It turned out that the portable electric chair known as “Gruesome Gertie” had been improperly set up by an intoxicated prison guard and inmate from the Louisiana State Penitentiary at Angola. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2014, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/66 "2014-05-26T23:51:56Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > For the same reason that one of the rifles in a firing squad is loaded with a blank. > > Personally, I wouldn’t care. I would have no problem being the button pusher, and I don’t think that anyone on your list would, either. Even professional soldiers can suffer emotional trauma from killing another human being. My ex-employer is a former British SAS soldier who still has nightmares from having killed one of the enemy. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/67 "2014-05-27T18:23:45Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Agreed. Modify Ol’ Sparky to hold the guy in place and have an adjustable platform in the rear that can be lined up with the back of the head, right where the spine comes in. Have it fire at least a .38 caliber round at that target. The firing can be accomplished by remote control - three people press a button. Only one of the buttons works, so no one knows who actually fired the round. > > It’ll turn the condemned guy off like a lightswitch. Why not just use the captive bolt gun a-la “No Country for Old Men” and slaughterhouses the world over? It’s reusable (cheaper in the long run, if you’re somewhere like Texas) and you can probably set the depth, so that the bullet doesn’t come flying out the front. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/68 "2014-05-28T00:15:09Z")
Are we still conducting underground nuclear tests? You could chain a group of them in a small room adjacent to the bomb. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/69 "2014-05-28T00:59:19Z")
I kind of like the idea of an explosive lens implosion. If it’s enough to compress a pit of uranium or plutonium hard enough and fast enough to make it supercritical, it’ll certainly be fast enough to kill a prisoner before his nervous system can react. Plus, if you’re lucky, there’s just a pellet of remains left. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/70 "2014-05-28T01:09:05Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Are we still conducting underground nuclear tests? No. Not since 1992 [apparently](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nuclear_weapons_tests_of_the_United_States). ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/71 "2014-05-28T01:13:39Z")
But we could start them again, special order just for this purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/72 "2014-05-28T01:44:29Z")
\*\*How might the Electric Chair be modernized? \*\* Cupholders ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/73 "2014-05-28T04:36:06Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > \*\*How might the Electric Chair be modernized? \*\* > > Cupholders Bluetooth. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/74 "2014-05-28T08:02:19Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Bluetooth. If the current is set _just_ right, I think that comes anyway. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/75 "2014-05-28T10:38:20Z")
Considering that lightning doesn’t always work I don’t know how anyone can justify its use as it seems to fall under cruel and unusual punishment, It’s something that may kill you right away or cause intense pain, rinse and repeat. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/76 "2014-05-28T11:42:06Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Are we still conducting underground nuclear tests? You could chain a group of them in a small room adjacent to the bomb. It depends. You don’t want to have to hear the guards say, “Hey. Nothing happened?” “What’s wrong…?” “Awww… this is North Korea! These tests Never work.” “Say, you’re right. OK, take them back to their cells…” “Can’t. The prison collapsed last night…” “You know, if we’d left them there, we wouldn’t have had to worry about this. Think its worth suggesting?” “Execution by crappy building construction? Has that ever been done…?” "Only in the US. There’s a saying… ‘Mudslides wipe out all my sins, but not my bank accounts…’ " _both laugh_ ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/77 "2014-05-28T11:50:44Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > For the same reason that one of the rifles in a firing squad is loaded with a blank. What is that reason, if it’s a good thing to kill the individual? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/78 "2014-05-28T11:53:50Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > \*\*How might the Electric Chair be modernized? \*\* > > Cupholders Have the condemned hold a metal fork with a few hot dogs stuck on it. ---
**Author:** ![bahimes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bahimes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bahimes)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/79 "2014-05-28T12:19:38Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > Bluetooth. “Young Sparkless”. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2014, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152/80 "2014-05-28T12:23:53Z")
Nobody has mentioned drawing and quartering. Certainly hardens back to a simpler time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-might-the-electric-chair-be-modernized/689152.md?page=5)