# How much, and how, do you love your SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 2, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477 "2012-09-02T21:11:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/1 "2012-09-02T21:11:58Z")
Anonymous poll to follow. you can click several options. ---
**Author:** ![Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/do_not_taunt/32/2968_2.png) [@Do\_Not\_Taunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Do_Not_Taunt)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/2 "2012-09-02T22:27:04Z")
I voted the second option (“LOVE”), but now I see I wasn’t supposed to, since we haven’t been together three or more years. I don’t think I can unvote, so mentally subtract one from that total. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/3 "2012-09-02T23:02:56Z")
Truly my other half. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/4 "2012-09-03T00:27:28Z")
Been together more than 20 years, can barely imagine life without him. ---
**Author:** ![charmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/53a042/32.png) [@charmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/charmstr)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/5 "2012-09-03T00:29:57Z")
Numbers 2, 4 and 5 all fit us about equally so, since I could, I chose all three. We’ve been together over 20 years now. We celebrated our fourth anniversary last February 29th, so we’ve been wed for over 16 years. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/6 "2012-09-03T00:56:33Z")
Been married 21 years, we’ve been a couple for 30+ yrs. I checked 2,3,4 - because it sort of depends on what day you ask me. I certainly don’t want a divorce, and I don’t want a different man, and I do love him. But I’m afraid that he needs me more than I need him (emotionally). If he were taken by aliens tomorrow I would miss him, but it wouldn’t be the end of my world. And I doubt I’d marry again. It’s wonderful to be loved, and he spoils me rotten - I should probably love him more than I do. But I’m a loner and sometimes it’s really hard to just get away and be me… ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/7 "2012-09-03T01:02:46Z")
Been together since 1969. Love all the way. ---
**Author:** ![deedeeknowit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@deedeeknowit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deedeeknowit)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/8 "2012-09-03T01:15:07Z")
LOVE, in all its blessings. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/9 "2012-09-03T01:27:19Z")
All the options assume reciprocal feelings. Maybe there should be choices like “I love her, she tolerates me”. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/10 "2012-09-03T01:36:13Z")
Going on 32 years, and still he is the love of my life. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/11 "2012-09-03T02:02:29Z")
If you want to get a divorce there is no poll on earth that can tell you it it is ok or the best decision. If you are unhappy in your relationship, end it and allow you and your husband to develop new lives. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/12 "2012-09-03T02:22:55Z")
I picked 2 and 5 – the latter because, for almost two years (and for the next month or so), there has been a possum sharing our bed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/13 "2012-09-03T03:11:13Z")
Seven years together, five years married, and I can’t imagine life without her. She’s the only person I actually like spending time with (aside from our kids). ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/14 "2012-09-03T03:39:23Z")
20 years together, and he’s the one I want to tell stuff to, when I get home at the end of the day. I hope we get to have another 40+ years, but if something happened, I believe I would be able to go on. I just don’t believe that there is only one true love for people. ---
**Author:** ![deedeeknowit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@deedeeknowit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deedeeknowit)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/15 "2012-09-03T03:56:06Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Going on 32 years, and still he is the love of my life. _hug_ ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/16 "2012-09-03T09:45:39Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Seven years together, five years married, and I can’t imagine life without her. She’s the only person I actually like spending time with (aside from our kids). You’re a _man_? I had no idea. (I guess I subconsciously associated you with Happy Rockefeller.) ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/17 "2012-09-03T11:00:10Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Seven years together, five years married, and I can’t imagine life without her. She’s the only person I actually like spending time with (aside from our kids). Wow. Reminds me of this statistic > **[Friendship](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship)** > > Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an "acquaintance" or an "association", such as a classmate, neighbor, coworker, or colleague. > Although there are many forms of friendship, certain features are common to many such bonds, such as choosing to be with one another, enjoying time spent together, and being able to engage in a positive and supportive role to one another. > Sometimes friends are distinguished from family, a... > [@](#): > > Decline of friendships in the U.S. > The percentage of Americans who had at least one confidant not connected to them through kinship dropped from 80% to 57%. Americans’ dependence for close contact on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%. Research has found a link between fewer friendships (especially in quality) and psychological regression. and this blog: [http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/04/07/my-wife-is-my-best-friend-the-guy-code-and-the-inability-to-get-naked-without-getting-naked/](http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/04/07/my-wife-is-my-best-friend-the-guy-code-and-the-inability-to-get-naked-without-getting-naked/) > [@](#): > > …the husband and the wife each have very different support networks — or more accurately, that the wife has a fairly strong support network of family and friends, and the husband has virtually no one. And looking at the two of them is a reminder of one of the particularly unfortunate ways in which we structure white American middle-class masculinity; too often, not only is a wife a man’s best friend, she is his only friend. > > We live, after all, in a culture which shames displays of male vulnerability. Though some sociologists detect signs of a shift among younger men, millions of boys in this country still grow up with the “guy code” and its rules about toughness, competitiveness, and a steadfast refusal to cry. Even those young men who do everything they can to avoid playing by the “guy rules” — the sensitive, bookish lads, let’s say — find it difficult to find other men with whom they can be open, vulnerable, and safe. This is kind of different outside the US, although I can only speak for the Netherlands. Men here invest more time in (male) friends and their own family, so, in friendships outside their romantic partner. Perhaps that leads to less passionate marriages, I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/18 "2012-09-03T11:01:57Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > If you want to get a divorce there is no poll on earth that can tell you it it is ok or the best decision. If you are unhappy in your relationship, end it and allow you and your husband to develop new lives. Is that directed at me, or at others who chose option “I want out”? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/19 "2012-09-03T12:21:23Z")
Hmm this isn’t a great time to be answering this poll, but I just did brag about him in the single mom’s thread, so yeah he’s between 2 and 4. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477/20 "2012-09-03T12:42:04Z")
I voted #2, though I would never refer to him as my “best friend,” nor would I want to. He’s not my friend, he’s much more than that. I feel much more deeply for him than I ever would a friend. I have plenty of good friends and one “bestie” (hate that term) and the feeling is completely different. However, while I feel much more deeply for my husband than I do my best friend, there are some things I simply can’t or don’t want to talk about with my husband. He can’t give me recommendations on certain types of birth control that worked well with him and didn’t turn him into a raving bitch, for example. There are some things he just can’t sympathize with or doesn’t want to hear about and my best friend and I have great meaningless conversations with her that actually wind up meaning a lot to me. He also can’t take a step back when I’m being weird about something my husband did. I don’t complain about him to her, but she helps me think about issues with my husband more clearly than he does because he’s involved; she’s not. I have to have a third party, just like she does. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-and-how-do-you-love-your-so/633477.md?page=2)