# How much are gays and lesbians protected from drama? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901 "2012-07-11T16:44:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/1 "2012-07-11T16:44:51Z")
In predominately straight circles? I am token lesbian in most of the circles I run in. I, for whatever reason, thought me being lesbian would keep me out of a lot of drama goes on in straight human relations. I might have been wrong. Example, I have recently admitted to several guys that if I were straight, I would go after them. This has not ended well, lol. Friendship dynamics with these guys have been permanently altered. Either they start hitting on me like crazy…or, they back away, and start acting cold. I would understand these reactions if I were a straight or bisexual woman. But I am gay! Any attraction of men that I speak of is purely hypothetical. And from straight women…some of them display that jealous/competetive behaviour that goes on between straight women women. Such as being told not to dress up at a party or whatever, and then I show up and she and everyone else at the party is dressed up. Shit like that. I thought me being gay would take me off the radar when it comes to common group dynamics with straight people. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/2 "2012-07-11T16:53:05Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I thought me being gay would take me off the radar when it comes to common group dynamics with straight people. Being socially inept or disruptive has consequences no matter what circles you run in. ---
**Author:** ![happycamper\_5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/cab0a1/32.png) [@happycamper\_5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happycamper_5)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/3 "2012-07-11T16:58:13Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Example, I have recently admitted to several guys that if I were straight, I would go after them. This has not ended well, lol. Friendship dynamics with these guys have been permanently altered. Either they start hitting on me like crazy…or, they back away, and start acting cold. I would understand these reactions if I were a straight or bisexual woman. But I am gay! Any attraction of men that I speak of is purely hypothetical. > I thought me being gay would take me off the radar when it comes to common group dynamics with straight people. For some men, there’s nothing hotter than turning a lesbian. When you dropped your little bombshell, you confirmed to them that you could be turned. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not - that’s what they heard, so now they’re gonna pursue you. I’ll hazard a guess that the ones who went cold don’t subscribe to this line of thinking, but rather, just don’t like being fucked with, so they backed off. And as far as being “protected from drama”, drama isn’t gay or straight, it’s human. The only way to avoid drama entirely is to avoid all human contact. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/4 "2012-07-11T17:00:24Z")
Yeah, seems like when you told guys that you’d go after them if you were straight, you were fishing for some drama and attention. Then you got it. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/5 "2012-07-11T17:01:32Z")
Why would you think that being gay would some how protect you against petty, mean or (for that matter) batshit crazy human behavior? Specifically you seem to think that guys actually give the same weight to “I am gay” as they do to “I would go after you.” Try a random search of all the threads here over the years where people complain that someone said “I like you, but. . .” and they can’t understand that “but” is an absolute deal-breaker. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/6 "2012-07-11T17:12:24Z")
Another example that involves a gay male friend. He went on a trip…and shared a hotel bed with one of the straight girls. Her boyfriend found out and he flipped out! There were four people, what was he supposed to do? Sleep in a cot or something? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/7 "2012-07-11T17:24:51Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Another example that involves a gay male friend. He went on a trip…and shared a hotel bed with one of the straight girls. Her boyfriend found out and he flipped out! There were four people, what was he supposed to do? Sleep in a cot or something? Yes ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/8 "2012-07-11T17:30:21Z")
Another…black lesian couple and white straight couple…the guy in the straight couple and one of the girls in the lesbo couple wanted to go on a fake date at a really popular restaurant to see how people would react to them being in an interracial relationship. The straight girl agreed, but going by her body language she wasn’t comfortable at all! ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/9 "2012-07-11T17:35:56Z")
To those asking why I think we would be immune: We aren’t a threat. Well, shouldn’t be. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/10 "2012-07-11T17:37:24Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Another…black lesian couple and white straight couple…the guy in the straight couple and one of the girls in the lesbo couple wanted to go on a fake date at a really popular restaurant to see how people would react to them being in an interracial relationship. The straight girl agreed, but going by her body language she wasn’t comfortable at all! Keep them coming. A few more examples like this may help us identify the problems a little further. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/11 "2012-07-11T17:38:43Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Another…black lesian couple and white straight couple…the guy in the straight couple and one of the girls in the lesbo couple wanted to go on a fake date at a really popular restaurant to see how people would react to them being in an interracial relationship. The straight girl agreed, but going by her body language she wasn’t comfortable at all! Definitely because the gal on his fake date was a lesbian :rolleyes: It couldn’t POSSIBLY have been because her boyfriend was going on a fake date to tweak the noses of the stuck up restaurant patrons like something out of a more genteel version of “Jackass.” ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/12 "2012-07-11T17:46:47Z")
So you and your friends expect to be protected from drama that you’re actively seeking out? The only one I can see your point on is the hotel example. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/13 "2012-07-11T17:55:36Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > I am token lesbian What does “token” lesbian mean? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/14 "2012-07-11T17:56:28Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > To those asking why I think we would be immune: We aren’t a threat. Well, shouldn’t be. Then stop acting like one. You seem oblivious to basic human interactions. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/15 "2012-07-11T18:11:57Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > What does “token” lesbian mean? 😕 I guess her friends thinks they have to have at least one in their circle so everyone can see how hip and accepting they are, or something. Like on those kids’ shows where you’re guaranteed one to see at least one black, one Asian and one Hispanic character in the main cast. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/16 "2012-07-11T18:17:44Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > You seem oblivious to basic human interactions. And I’m voting for THIS for the major understatement of the year award! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/17 "2012-07-11T18:17:44Z")
The point is that we were not expecting drama, and we are not sure where the source of drama is coming from. Yeah, I guess some of the behaviors we are displaying may be somewhat attention-seeking. But we are just looking for a little fun (since we aren’t getting it from other queers). But at the end of the day we are gay and we do not desire members of the opposite sex. So, I don’t see what the issue is. And we all have been friends for quite a while, ranging from 5-15 years. We thought we were trusted. Going by the tone of the replies, it seems that gays and lesbians arent completely trusted to be homosexual. Is that it? Or, maybe you all are skeeved about certain kinds of behavior, regardless of the gender/orientation. Perhaps I should forward this thread to the few gay friends I have. I can’t relate to the anxiety, but I do respect it. Maybe we should use Craigslist or something? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/18 "2012-07-11T18:19:39Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > The point is that we were not expecting drama, and we are not sure where the source of drama is coming from. That’d be you all. You create your own. You know, never mind. What’s the point? ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/19 "2012-07-11T18:24:11Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > Going by the tone of the replies, it seems that gays and lesbians arent completely trusted to be homosexual. Is that it? Or, maybe you all are skeeved about certain kinds of behavior, regardless of the gender/orientation. > > Perhaps I should forward this thread to the few gay friends I have. I can’t relate to the anxiety, but I do respect it. Maybe we should use Craigslist or something? 😃 Annnnd there we have the reason for this ridiculous thread. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901/20 "2012-07-11T18:35:01Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Being socially inept or disruptive has consequences no matter what circles you run in. Did he just call her socially inept? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-are-gays-and-lesbians-protected-from-drama/627901.md?page=2)