# How much feedback should I give this company I just quit? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 20, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748 "2009-02-20T18:27:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/41 "2009-02-21T19:10:37Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > My supervisor, the main reason I’m quitting, is demanding that I tell her all the things she’s done that are making me quit **because people keep quitting on her and she needs to know why**. I am not really comfortable giving her a laundry list of all her failures as a supervisor because: > 3. I think she’s a little buckeyed crazy. > > What do you guys think? Should I participate in her game (I gave two weeks notice, so she’ll have two more weeks to bug me)? Oh yeah, one of the major reasons for me leaving is that she’s a micro-managing, control-freak power-tripper - NO, you say! Yes, indeed! I say. You are under no obligation to help her, that is your choise. But she realises she is the problem and would like help. You can sit down to talk to her on your last day. I would make it a neutral place not her office. Try the break room or go to a coffie shop. Let her know that you are uneasy about the consevation. Ask her let you finish before asking questions. Also let her know if she begins to have problem with what you are saying that you will leave her sitting there if necessary. When the time comes tell her that you fell and explain. You may be doing her a favor and those who work with her. You know her we do not, so you can make the best desion if she can listen. Keep us posted ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/42 "2009-02-21T19:17:38Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Say nothing or risk that person badmouthing you during any subsequent calls to check on or verify your employment there. Legal or not. Or during any future employment searches where that person works for the company you’re looking for a job with. Saying nothing can result in the same thing. MY son ran into something like that. He had a friend request a referance, when he got a bad one in writting, he took it to his former employeer and asked if he was going to get a lawyer to request they change their tune. They agreed with out the lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/43 "2009-02-21T19:25:54Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Early on working with her, I got two strong clues that she wasn’t interested in feedback. Now she’s demanding I give her feedback, when she has already demonstrated she won’t take it. If she had approached me in a normal, calm, professional way, I might be more open to discussing things with her (but if she was normal, calm and professional, I probably wouldn’t be quitting). As it is, she has approached this as she has approached every conflict we’ve had - trying to control me and blowing up at me. She’s obviously her own worst enemy - nothing gets people to shut down faster than demanding (angrily) that they tell you things. Hey, maybe I can use that as an example - “Remember how you flew off the handle when I gave you my resignation letter? Yeah, that’s a good example of things to NOT do to people you’re supervising.” > > She absolutely has boundary issues. I really don’t know if there’s any point discussing this with someone so lacking in self-awareness. I don’t think I can give her instructions on how to not step all over other people’s boundaries in every situation - she either needs to take some courses in how to manage people, or she needs to not manage other people. Sorry I did not read this post first. If you talk to her take control of the conversaton. If she will not let you take control. Then explain you are not required to have this conversation and walk away. If she trys to stop you remember it is your time not hers. ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/44 "2009-02-21T19:26:20Z")
Once you’ve decided to break with the company, your mission is to extricate yourself with a minimum of fuss. If she’s not going to be rational about it - and there’s every chance she won’t, as far as I can tell - you stand to gain nothing from laying out the facts. If a flat-out refusal is impossible, deflect as best you can. Set up an exit interview on the last day, make up a BS story about a better offer - the details of which you’re not at liberty to discuss - and get out of there. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/45 "2009-02-21T20:03:42Z")
> [@Spiny\_Norman](#): > > Once you’ve decided to break with the company, your mission is to extricate yourself with a minimum of fuss. If she’s not going to be rational about it - and there’s every chance she won’t, as far as I can tell - you stand to gain nothing from laying out the facts. That’s absolutely right - all I can hope to get from any further conversations on the subject with her is an awkward conversation that I don’t want to be in, and possibly a fight. > [@](#): > > If a flat-out refusal is impossible, deflect as best you can. Set up an exit interview on the last day, make up a BS story about a better offer - the details of which you’re not at liberty to discuss - and get out of there. I will work on my deflections, now that I am better prepared and not completely blindsided. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/46 "2009-02-21T20:24:53Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > There is nothing good for you that can come of telling her the truth, but bad things could happen. You have no incentive to give her what she wants. Don’t. Indeed. It can only hurt you. You’re not under any obligation to give her what she thinks she wants, and she won’t like what you have to say. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/47 "2009-02-21T20:35:38Z")
I’ve worked in H/R and virtually no company is intersted in real feedback. It’s always best to simply resign by saying “Due to opportunities elsewhere, I will be leaving my job on (Insert date). I thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for your company, and wish you all the best in the future.” That is all you should ever say. If they want feedback, give them generic feedback and forget it. They aren’t going to use any information given by you for anything constructive. If they were they wouldn’t have the problems that caused you to quit. ---
**Author:** ![NineToTheSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5a626/32.png) [@NineToTheSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NineToTheSky)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/48 "2009-02-22T11:02:50Z")
Just to emphasise what others have said. The only consideration is what is best for _you_. What benfit will \*you \*get from telling her about her failings? If, as seems to be the case, none - then don’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![lunar\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@lunar\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lunar_elf)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/49 "2009-02-22T19:36:23Z")
With my last job I was asked to do an exit interview on my last day, they also supplied me with a questionnaire to fill out/return. (I really intended on filling it out, but I left the job because I was going to go have a baby. Filling out your name was optional.) Basically during the exit interview they asked me why I was leaving, was there anything they could have done to improve, any other feedback I wanted to give. (lots of turnover in some departments) In my job prior to that one, I worked as an HR assistant (even though my job was more IT related rather than HR), they conducted exit interviews there that also asked how their opinion of the job, likes/dislikes etc. These were both companies that had just over 100 employees with enthusiastic HR departments. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/50 "2009-02-22T21:40:07Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > As discussed in other threads; > “Am I free to go?” > “I’d like to speak with my lawyer”. > > Then clam up! Um, it’s not a police interrogation. She doesn’t need a lawyer and she is free to leave at any time. My experience with exit interviews is that the managers and HR reps generally use it as an opportunity to be a passive agressive sour grapes jerk. Usually all I got out of it was a bunch of belittling comments like “you aren’t as good as you think you are” or “you don’t have what it takes” or just snide remarks about the new company. Usually it ends with me saying “well, I think this is a better opportunity for me and quite frankly, I neither asked for nor need your permission or approval.” ---
**Author:** ![firstname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ab992/32.png) [@firstname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/firstname)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2009, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/51 "2009-02-22T22:27:23Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > “I am not being paid to evaluate and train managers. That’s someone else’s job.” When asked tell her you’d be happy to provide the feedback for a consultants fee. Its not your job and you’d be doing it in your own time, its only fair you be compensated. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/52 "2009-02-23T02:10:02Z")
**featherlou** , I hope you don’t mind my using your thread to tell my story. About 10 years ago I worked for a midsized nonprofit whose big annual event was a conference involving several international guests. In preparation for this conference, I arranged travel plans for all these guests. We played with the idea of having a van pick the guests up from the airport, but in the end decided it would be too costly; so at the last staff meeting before the conference, I provided my executive director with a list of every guest’s flight information, so that she or her assistant could be at the airport to receive them. This is how the conference had worked in previous years, and I’d listed the information in an easy-to-read format. One of the guests, a man from Honduras who spoke no English, showed up at the airport in Atlanta and nobody was there to greet him. He spent the night on the street of Atlanta, and nobody could figure out where he was until more than 24 hours later when he showed up 12 miles away from the airport at the office of a local nonprofit associated with ours. My boss was furious at me. Hadn’t I arranged for him to be picked up? She absolutely denied that I’d given her the flight information. I overheard her talking shit about me to a coworker. That was the last straw: of all her inept mismanagement over the months I’d worked there, that was it. I resigned. Gave a month’s notice. When the conference was over, I found the flight information exactly where she’d left it near her office and gave it to her again. My exit interview was, in my mind, going to be a place where I explained exactly what a bad manager she was. (It wasn’t just me: at our big gala fundraiser, a fundraiser that lost some $3000, our drunken Board President said she had a toxic personality, and another board member said she was insane, and not in the good way, and the stories just go on and on). She asked me for honest feedback. Her version of that was trying, over and over and over, to get me to admit fault. She would never accept that she’d done anything wrong. She had no desire to hear what she’d done poorly as a manager. I wish I’d just kept my mouth shut. Or at least dropped a dime on them with the IRS. No good came out of it. **Dinsdale** , even at that job I worked a month’s resignation. At my last main job (before my current one), I worked something like a 1 1/2 year resignation. The only time I’ve ever resigned without notice was for a company that falsely claimed its employees were independent contractors, in order to get away with paying less than minimum wage. I figured if I wasn’t an employee, I didn’t have to give notice :). Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/53 "2009-02-23T02:28:06Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > I would tell her. What would be gained by telling her? I know what you’re thinking: “By telling her, it will give her an opportunity to change.” Fat chance that will happen. Based on my experiences, a bad supervisor is usually bad because he/she has a personality disorder. Try as they might, I do not believe a person can change their personality. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/54 "2009-02-23T04:01:51Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Fat chance that will happen. Based on my experiences, a bad supervisor is usually bad because he/she has a personality disorder. Try as they might, I do not believe a person can change their personality. And people with boundary issues are not interested in revising their approach to other peoples’ boundaries, they’re interested in trying to force people to revise the boundaries themselves. From everything **featherlou** has said, I don’t think boss-lady wants feedback. She just wants an opportunity to “prove” to **featherlou** that she’s wrong. She’s using “feedback” as a means of manipulating the conversation so she can do so. She doesn’t want to change or fix anything. She wants to be _right_. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/55 "2009-02-23T04:22:10Z")
Maybe not. Maybe she’s beginning to wake up to the fact that she has a problem, evidenced by her saying what she did about everyone quitting and her needing to know what she’s doing wrong. Maybe she really does need to know that it’s her, even if you feel she can’t change. You could just mention one or two things with quick examples: “You seem to be angry all the time, and it is hard to work with someone who never is happy. For example, the time you snapped at me about X when it was really Fred who was in charge of that, and you didn’t apologize when you realized that” Say something that vaguely touches on one or two major problems. Do the sandwich thing…say one positive thing, put the negative in the middle and end with a positive comment. And then leave. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2009, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/56 "2009-02-23T13:17:18Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Re: HR and higher-ups - she runs the office and all of the accounting side of things - her bosses are the owners of the company, which is in turn a subsidiary of a much larger, but somewhat distanced company. Does anyone think giving her bosses a laundry list of her failures would be a good idea (seriously asking, not snark)? I do think she is over her head in a position where she has to manage other people, but I also don’t really care - it isn’t my problem. ETA: Any longer. 🙂 Yes, I think it might. Years ago I quit a job. My bosses boss was a terror, but I got along well with the director. About two weeks after I left I mailed what was functionally a department analysis to the director. I said “these people are underappreciated and working below their level.” “These are tasks we spend more time on that we get value out of.” It wasn’t a snarky letter full of “the person you have managing that department is a nightmare” but it all added up to “she is undervaluing the people that work hard, overvaluing the ones who she personally likes, and creating a lot of busywork.” I heard nothing for about a year, then ran into one of my coworkers. There had been a bunch of department reorganization. The horrible boss had had her role reduced and her empire broken up. The people I’d pointed out were high performers had gotten promotions. Her favorites had been dispersed to managers who were expecting them to work. There was less busywork and more focus. “Management finally got it shortly after you left.” I smiled. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/57 "2009-02-24T22:25:43Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > I think that if the next two weeks are going to be hellish, having Featherlou “make a stand” and tell the supervisor things like “it’s not my job to make you a better manager”, or “I am not answering your questions” are going to make things horribly worse. The tension and stress on Featherlou will be awful.\ DINGDINGDING! We have a winner! After the fight this morning, I decided that two weeks notice was a little generous when WORKING WITH A CRAZY BITCH! Today was my last day - she just doesn’t know it yet, because I don’t feel like having any more fights. Note to self: When someone freaks out on you when you give notice, don’t go back there. ---
**Author:** ![Caractacus\_Pott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@Caractacus\_Pott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caractacus_Pott)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/58 "2009-02-24T22:33:14Z")
Congratulations! When you walk out tonight, that feeling on your shoulders will be, well, nothing. The yoke of that job’s ill feelings will be gone. Revel in that joy. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/59 "2009-02-24T23:01:18Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > DINGDINGDING! We have a winner! After the fight this morning, I decided that two weeks notice was a little generous when WORKING WITH A CRAZY BITCH! Today was my last day - she just doesn’t know it yet, because I don’t feel like having any more fights. > > Note to self: When someone freaks out on you when you give notice, don’t go back there. Congratulations on doing what was right for YOU. She didn’t deserve a damn thing from you. Enjoy sleeping in tomorrow morning, and don’t forget to turn your cell phone off! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748/60 "2009-02-25T15:51:22Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > \ > Enjoy sleeping in tomorrow morning, and don’t forget to turn your cell phone off! 😃 I am actually a little concerned about harassment from her. I would normally think that would be an overreaction, but she has proven that she has no professionalism and no sense of boundaries. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-feedback-should-i-give-this-company-i-just-quit/486748.md?page=4)