# How much is enough? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770 "2005-07-09T18:16:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/21 "2005-07-09T23:00:05Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’ve tried that. What she quickly learned is that she can take the monthly child support and not pay for school supplies, medical checkups, clothes and sundry things these payments are intended to cover. Then I’ll get a call saying, “You know it’s almost time for the kids’ dental cleaning. When can you take them?” Meaning, she expects me to pay for the visit. > > When I wanted to drive the point home about the purpose of the support payments and what ordinary expenses included by law, we went three rounds over a stupid 5 dollar school binder. For a time, my daughter thought I’d refused to get it for her based on what her mother obviously said about it. ☹ :mad: Are you getting a non-judicial separation/divorce? Meaning, are you going to try to get the terms of the divorce set by a judge, or are you going on mutual agreement? Because I have this funny little feeling in my gut that mutual agreement is code, in her mind, for “screw him for as much as I can by using the kids as weapons”. Beware… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/22 "2005-07-09T23:01:01Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > When I wanted to drive the point home about the purpose of the support payments and what ordinary expenses included by law, we went three rounds over a stupid 5 dollar school binder. For a time, my daughter thought I’d refused to get it for her based on what her mother obviously said about it. ☹ :mad: Oh, dear Og. Those poor kids. Kids get it so bad in divorces and break-ups. I’m not blaming you in the least, Quicksilver, it isn’t healthy for them to live amongst fights & your wife’s affair, either. I’ve never heard a really good solution for child support. This has the makings of a GD thread, but darned if I could phrase it well. “How do we make child support work, and not have people cheating the system?” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/23 "2005-07-09T23:08:28Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’ve never heard a really good solution for child support. This has the makings of a GD thread, but darned if I could phrase it well. “How do we make child support work, and not have people cheating the system?” Receipts. Probably will get a world of grief from the mother, but if I was a judge seeing a custodial parent who claimed she needed more than the state mandated minimum, I’d require her to present me with receipts of all purchases made on the child’s behalf. All the Target, Wal-Mart, dental services, school fees, etc. Give me a piece of paper which accounts for all expenditures, let’s see if they’re acceptable and all the money is accounted for, add in a spending allowance for food based on the local cost-of-living, and a percentage of rent based on how many people live in the place. If the expenses are legit, and she can prove it, then we can consider increasing the support. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/24 "2005-07-09T23:22:04Z")
We’re going with a mutual agreement using our respective attorneys to advise us and a moderator to oversee the final agreement document. I can live with what we’ve (nearly) settled on so far. So can she it seems. Neither one of us got everything we wanted but that is the nature of these things. Most importantly, the kids interests are well covered and we’re in agreement about that. This may be her last minute attempt to guilt me into offering more. She hasn’t got much of a leg to stand on so she’s using the kids as leverage. Not my access to them but my ability or rather (un?)willingness to provide for them. Ordinarily I’d say she’s a very good mother but I think the financial strain she’s under has lead her to some pretty poor decisions as to what information the kids should or should not be exposed to. Aside from that, I don’t want to leave anyone with the impression that she neglects or somehow abuses the kids. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/25 "2005-07-09T23:25:19Z")
Check your e-mail, dude. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/26 "2005-07-09T23:33:08Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Receipts. 🙂 Tried that. Boy did she go through the roof. :rolleyes: But as you say, I’m not a judge and do not have legal authority to demand a monthly expense report from her regarding the kids. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/27 "2005-07-09T23:50:45Z")
Be sure that when _you_ buy things for the kids, _you_ keep the receipts so that they can’t be returned and exchanged for cash. The more things can be spelled out, the better. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770/28 "2005-07-10T01:27:40Z")
If she honestly feels that she needs more money, she should have NO problem showing you receipts to support that request. If you honestly feel like you should be doing more for the kids, I would suggest opening up a savings acct for them and throwing any additional money that you can into it. Let their mom know that it’ll be in your safe keeping until the children each turn 18. From what you’ve told us, I’d say that you’re stepping up to the plate and being the sort of father that every child should have. Kudos to you. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-is-enough/311770.md?page=1)