# How much money have you burned on a girlfriend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2020, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093 "2020-05-04T00:53:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/41 "2020-05-04T20:41:19Z")
Had to multi-quote this. > [@cornflakes2](#): > > One of my best buddies was in a serious relationship with his gf for 4 years and he had spent a lot of time and money on her because he was seriously in it for the long haul (meaning, he wanted to marry her). So basically he was putting in a lot of time, money, and effort, not because it was what he wanted to do right then, but on the expectation of a future payoff (marriage). > [@cornflakes2](#): > > My friend was truly in love and he thought she was too. I mean when you’ve been with someone for that long, who wouldn’t think so? Calling him selfish is completely inaccurate. He’s the one that actually would drive her to university and her home every weekend (3-4 hour trip one way) among many other things he did for her. How is he selfish? Yep, certainly sounds like the language of doing stuff you don’t want to do now, in the hopes of a payoff down the road. IOW, an investment. > [@cornflakes2](#): > > I disagree. I think some people know they are getting in a relationship only for the thrill, experience, good times, ‘hold over’ etc. Most people are not in relationships thinking I’m going in for the long haul. Most people get into relationships to _find out_ if it’s going to be for the long haul. You can’t just decide it on your own up front. > [@cornflakes2](#): > > Wives cost more than girlfriends! But wives are an investment! It’s a good thing. Yep, an investment! And here I thought my wife was that one special person I wanted to go through life with. > [@](#): > > Girlfriends are more like renting a home…money just going out and you’ll never see any returns. Maybe whether you’re in it for the long haul or not, the ‘returns’ should be right then, in real time. You do stuff with your significant other because you enjoy being with them. If you do stuff for them, you do it because you care about that person enough to do it. > [@cornflakes2](#): > > If you’ve only put $10 in a girl Is this some new kink? :eek: > [@cornflakes2](#): > > One more thing to think about that I’d like to add. If the amount of money spent/ burned doesn’t really matter to you, then what about when it comes to buying a diamond ring for your loved one? > > I personally don’t care or value our love in how expensive the rings are. I would like to believe you can still love someone truly and not have to spend 5k or 10k on diamond rings to prove it or be called cheap. “Prove it or be called cheap”? Prove it _to whom??_ Be called cheap _by whom??_ Who are these people whose opinions matter to you more than that of your beloved? And if _she’s_ the sort of person who needs this sort of proof, then she’s surely the right person for _you_, but for pretty much anyone I know, it would be a huge mistake to marry that sort of person. > [@](#): > > But we live in a world where most people will judge you on your investment. They would expect you to spend a few grand on a high quality diamond ring rather than a dollar general toy ring. > > If a man decides he’s not going to spend thousands on wedding rings, does that mean he’s not really in love with you or that his love isn’t that true or genuine or confident? When I met my wife, I was in grad school. I had never had more than a few thousand in the bank in my life, and my girlfriends along the way had been in pretty much the same shape. Ditto my then-future wife. She wasn’t looking for a $5000 ring. (“Why, that’s nothing but a two-bit ring from a crackerback jox!”) Like me, she was looking for the right _person_, not the right _bank account_. I didn’t have money, neither did she, and nobody who mattered to either of us was going to give us any crap over an engagement ring. > [@cornflakes2](#): > > I’m asking a question and you are turning it into a personal attack? Who is the one that needs to grow up here? Learn some manners. Learn some manners yourself. And some values that don’t turn people into “investments.” In the words of Terry Pratchett, “sin is treating people as things.” Sure sounds like what you and your friend are doing with women. You might should repent. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/42 "2020-05-04T21:09:52Z")
The thing about treating women like prostitutes is it weeds out the ones who can’t be bought. If you keep falling into the same traps with women, it could be because you’re driving away the ones who exceed your rock-bottom expectations. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/43 "2020-05-04T23:57:25Z")
I recently broke up with a lady. I gave her a debit card and put about 600 a month into it so she could take a little better care of herself than she could afford. I was pretty generous with fixing things around the house that needed doing, shopping etc. Guessing about 15 grand over a year. No regrets and no hard feelings. It didn’t work out and life goes on we had a great year together. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/44 "2020-05-05T01:08:04Z")
Apparently “cost of doing bidness” ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/45 "2020-05-05T01:33:46Z")
Not quite what you’re asking, but for Jeff Bezos the answer is 35 billion dollars. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/46 "2020-05-05T01:46:54Z")
Female here. I haven’t dated in years, because I got married young. But back then… We always paid our own way for everything. Most of the guys I dated were as poor as I was, and it worked fine. One had a lot more income than I did, and he found it frustrating that I wouldn’t go to nicer restaurants and stuff because I didn’t want to pay that much. He pointed out that he was happy to pay for that, but then the date felt awkward to me, like I owed him something. I’m really cheap, so I cared about the money. I’ve gotten better about that since my youth, and now I can enjoy someone else treating me, or treating someone else. But I still don’t want to do it to the point that either party feel in debt to the other. Because I’m still basically cheap. So… I burned zero on boyfriends, and they burned zero on me, although of course we did spend money together, going to shows and restaurants and stuff. But… you know, like others said, we only did stuff that we actually wanted to do. any honestly, it’s more fun to go to a show with a friend, so I strictly benefited from going out with them, because the show cost the same but was worth more to me. I assume the same was true for them. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/47 "2020-05-05T02:24:12Z")
I suppose around $500 a year. But then I got to be at the event or movie or restaurant or whatever so I enjoyed them also. I hated going to places by myself. Now my GF also got to come over and use my washing machine and dryer for free and after we broke up she suddenly realized she had to now pay for that herself. I can see the OP’s friends issue but then this was college and people are young and dont always do the smartest things. She may have well have been stringing him among with promises of a future together to get him to pay for things. It happens. I got used for money alot at that age. He needs to move on. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/48 "2020-05-05T04:03:26Z")
> [@cornflakes2](#): > > Just curious here for all the guys who have had girlfriends in your life, how much money would you say you have spent / burned on a girlfriend (who didn’t eventually become your wife because that’s a different…in that case, you could call it a good investment). Didn’t anyone tell you? Well, I guess it’s not your fault. Look–On the first date, you’re supposed to give them a marriage contract to sign. No signature? No dinner. No date. I guarantee you won’t burn any money that way. You’ll never get married, either. Everyone wins. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/49 "2020-05-05T06:57:42Z")
Gee, OP, how dare your “friend’s” girlfriend accept all that from him and then have the audacity not to marry him! I mean, really. If she’s going to let him spend money on her, the least she could do is swear lifetime fealty to him regardless of whether or not they continue to be a good match. Anything else means she’s a gold-digger, right? This kind of rationale is straight out of the Fifties: If you’re going to buy a broad a steak dinner, she’d better put out, dammit. And if you’re going to buy her a lot of steak dinners, she has no right to end the relationship. After all, she’s been bought and paid for! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/50 "2020-05-05T12:46:44Z")
Not one dime that I have ‘spent’ on a friendship has been wasted. What an odd concept. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/51 "2020-05-05T12:54:47Z")
What an absurd conversation. Even more absurd is how many people appear to agree that monetizing a relationship in term of an investment is a meaningful exercise. Pathetic doesn’t even begin… ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/52 "2020-05-05T13:32:42Z")
The fact that someone enjoyed doing something doesn’t mean that it was worth the cost of doing it, whether it’s monetary cost, time cost, or opportunity cost. So if you invested X amount of time, energy, and money etc. in something in the hope that you would get X value out of it, and you ended up with considerably less than X, then you lost out even if you got more than nothing at all. This seems pretty simple. (And it does not imply that the partner owed you anything, only that from your perspective you took a gamble and lost.) The quibbling over lingo seems picayune. You see this type of analysis and language all the time from psychologists and game theorists and the like. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/53 "2020-05-05T13:55:47Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > The fact that someone enjoyed doing something doesn’t mean that it was worth the cost of doing it, whether it’s monetary cost, time cost, or opportunity cost. So if you invested X amount of time, energy, and money etc. in something in the hope that you would get X value out of it, and you ended up with considerably less than X, then you lost out even if you got more than nothing at all. This seems pretty simple. (And it does not imply that the partner owed you anything, only that from your perspective you took a gamble and lost.) > > The quibbling over lingo seems picayune. You see this type of analysis and language all the time from psychologists and game theorists and the like. It’s one thing to talk about _things_ like that. But people aren’t things. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/54 "2020-05-05T14:07:25Z")
It’s the same thing. And as previous, it’s routinely done by social scientists, without eliciting the sort of negative reaction that this thread has provoked. For one random example that came up in a brief google search, see: [Aplia Econ Blog: News for Economics Students: The Opportunity Costs of Relationships](http://econblog.aplia.com/2010/03/opportunity-costs-of-relationships.html) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/55 "2020-05-05T14:30:30Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Not one dime that I have ‘spent’ on a friendship has been wasted. What an odd concept. I have occasionally done something social and then thought, “that wasn’t worth the time/effort/cost” and decided not to do that again. I’ve never kept a running tally of those things, though. It’s certainly not a major problem in my life. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/56 "2020-05-05T14:33:56Z")
To move this out of the purely monetary, and into a broader metric of cost… I definitely believe that you need to invest in maintaining relationships. And I have participated in some social activities that I wasn’t really excited about at the time because I knew that I had to participate somewhat frequently to maintain the relationship. Right now I am REALLY glad that I “invested” my my local bridge group that way, because that the moment my weekly BBO/Zoom bridge game is one of the high points of my social calendar, which is somehow much sparser than usual. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/57 "2020-05-05T15:01:29Z")
> [@cornflakes2](#): > > I’m asking a question and you are turning it into a personal attack? Who is the one that needs to grow up here? Learn some manners. Nope, they’re right. You strike me as quite sexist and gross. Why are you assuming that only women can be a drain on men’s bank accounts? Men can’t be a drain on a woman’s? A man can’t be a drain on another man’s bank account? And like others have brought up, are you implying men aren’t getting anything out of a relationship where marriage doesn’t ultimately happen? Men don’t go see movies or eat out unless they’re dating? And are all women who date without getting married gold-diggers? Dude. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/58 "2020-05-05T15:11:03Z")
> [@cornflakes2](#): > > I disagree. I think some people know they are getting in a relationship only for the thrill, experience, good times, ‘hold over’ etc. Most people are not in relationships thinking I’m going in for the long haul. > > My friend was truly in love and he thought she was too. I mean when you’ve been with someone for that long, who wouldn’t think so? Calling him selfish is completely inaccurate. He’s the one that actually would drive her to university and her home every weekend (3-4 hour trip one way) among many other things he did for her. How is he selfish? I guess she could have been honest with him upfront and told him she was never going to marry him. So yeah, after all those years of everything he gave her (his time, money, heart, life) and then to be dropped like that when it was convenient for her (after she graduated and got a job), I can understand him why he was so full of pain. It sucked but that is part of the game…you win some and you lose some. Love hurts. And in the end, it didn’t work out. Doesn’t mean she was some evil witch who took advantage of a him. MOST relationships don’t work out for the long haul. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/59 "2020-05-05T15:16:30Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > To move this out of the purely monetary, and into a broader metric of cost… I definitely believe that you need to invest in maintaining relationships. And I have participated in some social activities that I wasn’t really excited about at the time because I knew that I had to participate somewhat frequently to maintain the relationship. Right now I am REALLY glad that I “invested” my my local bridge group that way, because that the moment my weekly BBO/Zoom bridge game is one of the high points of my social calendar, which is somehow much sparser than usual. A good point. In my last long term relationship, there was definitely stress over social activities. I was working a brutal job dealing directly with customers in the financial markets while he had a work from home job and only dealt with employees of his own company, often chit chatting about American Idol on a conference call while waiting for a report to run. When the weekend came, the last thing I wanted to do was be a social butterfly and be around people. So, yes, we definitely had to talk and compromise. I’ll be there for anything that’s important to you, but I’m going to miss a lot of other social events. I understand that he liked to get out on the weekends and that’s fine, go to the BBQ 30 miles away with your college buddies. I want to stay at home, watch a ballgame, crack a beer, and get the voices out of my head blaming me for the stock market as well as every Obama policy decision! ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/60 "2020-05-05T16:06:25Z")
More amazing than the op are those answering it while apparently accepting the framing thereof. Shared experiences are just better. I have always been pretty good at making money, and I’ve always been ok with paying for others, be they college buddies or girlfriends or just, you know, friends. Their being there made the thing better, if they could afford it themselves, great, if not, why shouldn’t I help out? The idea of keeping a running count for any of them seems ridiculous. Now, some people try to take advantage, and that’s not ok and something you stop the moment you see it. But it makes no difference if they are gf or just f. Also the idea that wives are “good investments“ is ridiculous. My current wife is awesome, but the idea of trying to put a monetary value on how being with her brings me joy has never occurred to me. My first wife was no more an investment than would be a ticket on Titanic’s maiden voyage, in dark dank steerage, earned by being a test subject in a lab developing hemorrhoid rasps and eye tattoo ink. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093.md?page=4)