# How much money have you burned on a girlfriend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2020, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093 "2020-05-04T00:53:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/61 "2020-05-05T16:50:12Z")
Female: I don’t think any date I ever have paid for anything more than I did. I would have been extremely uncomfortable otherwise. It’s either condescending paternalism or light prostitution take your pick. Ugh and ugh. On the other hand an (American) friend of mine spent thousands of dollars on her Serbian boyfriend (she has a history of unbelievably bad ideas vis a vis the opposite sex) who then not only dumped her for someone younger but then laughed about having played her for sucker to his Serbian friends. Another reason to dislike Serbians if genocide wasn’t enough. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2020, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/62 "2020-05-05T17:26:05Z")
My friend and I were talking last night about how she missed her life in her 20s, where she was working double shifts at a high-volume restaurant, had a cheap apartment and didn’t have a husband and kid. I asked her where all that money went and she said “lots of boyfriends without jobs.” I laughed and said it was the same for me. I spent a lot of my own money doubling the cost of every fun thing I wanted to do because I dated a lot of guys without jobs. We didn’t complain, we just laughed about it. And heck, now in our 40s, we still do it. Her with her husband & kid and me with my boyfriend or my less-well-off friends. They have jobs, we have jobs. We want to do fun stuff, we spend money on fun stuff. We spent many years training ourselves that if we want someone to go with us, we probably have to pay. Sometimes we don’t. But we never tally and we never consider it a waste of money to have good times with friends. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/63 "2020-05-06T04:41:54Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > It’s the same thing. And as previous, it’s routinely done by social scientists, without eliciting the sort of negative reaction that this thread has provoked. > > For one random example that came up in a brief google search, see: [Aplia Econ Blog: News for Economics Students: The Opportunity Costs of Relationships](http://econblog.aplia.com/2010/03/opportunity-costs-of-relationships.html) Uh . . . I think you just might want to re-read both the OP and that article a little more carefully. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/64 "2020-05-06T11:59:13Z")
I think you may want to re-read the exchange you were responding to a little more carefully. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/65 "2020-05-06T13:57:26Z")
And everyone might want to read [the OP’s other thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=22288430). There’s a pattern… ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/66 "2020-05-06T14:12:20Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > It’s the same thing. And as previous, it’s routinely done by social scientists, without eliciting the sort of negative reaction that this thread has provoked. > > For one random example that came up in a brief google search, see: [Aplia Econ Blog: News for Economics Students: The Opportunity Costs of Relationships](http://econblog.aplia.com/2010/03/opportunity-costs-of-relationships.html) There’s a fundamental difference. In the example you provide, nobody is treating _an actual human being_ as a thing rather than as a person. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/67 "2020-05-06T14:45:34Z")
> [@digs](#): > > And everyone might want to read [the OP’s other thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=22288430). There’s a pattern… A pattern of feeling pretty entitled, I’d say. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/68 "2020-05-06T14:51:10Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > It’s the same thing. And as previous, it’s routinely done by social scientists, without eliciting the sort of negative reaction that this thread has provoked. > > For one random example that came up in a brief google search, see: [Aplia Econ Blog: News for Economics Students: The Opportunity Costs of Relationships](http://econblog.aplia.com/2010/03/opportunity-costs-of-relationships.html) That article is talking about all sorts of costs - emotional, physical, monetary, time, etc. Sure, those are things to take into consideration in a relationship (for example, dating someone out of state or country can “cost” more than what a potential partner feels comfortable with). That’s fair. OP is talking about cost as in money, and that’s it. He’s talk about putting money into a girl like a goddamn slot machine and expecting marriage to be the prize. That’s not even remotely the same thing. It’s perfectly fine to date with the intention of marriage (I fully want to get married someday, myself). It’s another to get pissed off at a girl who decided she ultimately wasn’t dating the right person, and they split up, _as is what happens in the vast majority of relationships._ ---
**Author:** ![ArtBeforeScience](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@ArtBeforeScience](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArtBeforeScience)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/69 "2020-05-06T14:55:50Z")
> [@](#): > > One of my best buddies was in a serious relationship with his gf for 4 years and he had spent a lot of time and money on her because he was seriously in it for the long haul (meaning, he wanted to marry her) Your friend was playing a game of chicken the entire time. He spent time – and money – BECAUSE… I think he was a sugar daddy, spending all that money to create a sense of debt in his GF, so that she would “owe” him. Since she wasn’t paying in money, she’d have to pay in loyalty and possibly obedience. She, for her part, accepted all these expenditures and then dropped him for some reason that is not disclosed here. So your friend was as transactional as his GF. Not saying he was consciously plotting it out this way. This game is a societal one. And you subscribe to it as well. After reading all the commenters here who managed to date on the cheap, maybe find another way. I date Dutch most of the time so that the guy will not own me. Learned that one the hard way. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/70 "2020-05-06T16:04:49Z")
All this talk about girlfriends, what about parents?! Mother’s day, father’s day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas… the list just goes on and on! I’ve _invested_ so much on them and what do I get out of it! Don’t even get me started on siblings… ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/71 "2020-05-06T21:35:39Z")
> [@Isosleepy](#): > > More amazing than the op are those answering it while apparently accepting the framing thereof. > Shared experiences are just better… Yeah, I feel like I answered this thread in his other thread, and answered the other thread in this one. Oh well, they do go together: > [@digs](#): > > And everyone might want to read [the OP’s other thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=22288430). There’s a pattern… ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Sponge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dark_sponge/32/121_2.png) [@Dark\_Sponge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Sponge)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2020, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/72 "2020-05-06T21:46:07Z")
Aside from the wife, not too much. Probably close to $1000 on a long distance relationship. My most financially painful romantic experience was a date after a nasty divorce. After paying for child support, rent, & bills I had around $20 per week to buy food for the kids and me (I had the kids half the time). We were basically living on breakfast cereal, PB&J sandwiches, & spaghetti as my income before child support was too high to qualify for food stamps. A friend of a friend asked me out and I was too surprised to think of a good reason to decline. I wasn’t super attracted to her but she seemed genuinely nice so I thought, “why not?” I assumed we’d go dutch because she did the asking but she expected me to pay for everything. To be fair, I wouldn’t have minded if money wasn’t so tight. I did not call her for a 2nd date. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/73 "2020-05-07T00:00:18Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > All this talk about girlfriends, what about parents?! . . . Don’t even get me started on siblings… The real question is children. How much money have you burned on children who didn’t . . . . who didn’t . . . who didn’t . . . well, who didn’t do _ **something** _ they were supposed to do? Jeez. All the food they ate? All those clothes they wore out? And for what? Nothing. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/74 "2020-05-07T00:14:08Z")
> [@Dark\_Sponge](#): > > A friend of a friend asked me out and I was too surprised to think of a good reason to decline. I wasn’t super attracted to her but she seemed genuinely nice so I thought, “why not?” I assumed we’d go dutch because she did the asking but she expected me to pay for everything. That sounds like a girl that I knew from work, who, whenever we’d “run out and grab a burger between meetings” would just sit there silently when it was time to pay, so I’d pick up the tab, and the tip. And it gets more entitled… I noticed she’d always expect me to help her on with her coat, then wait at the door for me… \*oh, I get it, she’s waiting for “the guy” to open it for her. \* (Now, keep in mind, this was not the Antebellum South… it was Hippie Feminist College Town in the 70s… oh, and I would’ve been in patched jeans and a t-shirt, so nothing at all formal about any of this.) The final straw\* was that I gave her a ride to an after-work picnic, and I as I was walking to the grills, I noticed she wasn’t with me. She was impatiently _sitting in the car,_ waiting for me to open her door for her. \*“final straw” because I got the clear impression she wanted everyone at work to see me in “chivalry/courtship” mode and infer that she’d staked some sort of claim on me. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/75 "2020-05-07T02:33:30Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Did HE not go to the same shows, restaurants, and venues? That makes the calculation easy if they go dutch. Zero. If the guy picks up the tab then the entertainment cost doubles. So if someone spends $50 a week on entertainment cost without a date then a GF would cost either zero for dutch dates or $2,600 a year. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/76 "2020-05-07T04:10:12Z")
> [@digs](#): > > The final straw\* was that I gave her a ride to an after-work picnic, and I as I was walking to the grills, I noticed she wasn’t with me. She was impatiently _sitting in the car,_ waiting for me to open her door for her. > > \*“final straw” because I got the clear impression she wanted everyone at work to see me in “chivalry/courtship” mode and infer that she’d staked some sort of claim on me. So did you go back and give her the “lady, I am NOT your boyfriend” talk, or just left her in the car to stew while you went to a cookout. I favor the latter. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/77 "2020-05-07T04:10:25Z")
> [@digs](#): > > That sounds like a girl that I knew from work, who, whenever we’d “run out and grab a burger between meetings” would just sit there silently when it was time to pay, so I’d pick up the tab, and the tip. > > And it gets more entitled… I noticed she’d always expect me to help her on with her coat, then wait at the door for me… \*oh, I get it, she’s waiting for “the guy” to open it for her. \* > > (Now, keep in mind, this was not the Antebellum South… it was Hippie Feminist College Town in the 70s… oh, and I would’ve been in patched jeans and a t-shirt, so nothing at all formal about any of this.) > > The final straw\* was that I gave her a ride to an after-work picnic, and I as I was walking to the grills, I noticed she wasn’t with me. She was impatiently _sitting in the car,_ waiting for me to open her door for her. > > \*“final straw” because I got the clear impression she wanted everyone at work to see me in “chivalry/courtship” mode and infer that she’d staked some sort of claim on me. I once had a guy sort of startle when I opened the door for him, and he told me it would upset people, and I shouldn’t do it. “At least hand off the door to him, don’t stand there and hold it open for him”, he told me. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/78 "2020-05-07T04:43:59Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > I once had a guy sort of startle when I opened the door for him, and he told me it would upset people, and I shouldn’t do it. “At least hand off the door to him, don’t stand there and hold it open for him”, he told me. Oh, it wouldn’t upset HIM, just those Other People. Okay, look (as someone who had to be educated out of his sexism and racism), every time someone makes a comment like this, all you need to do is raise an eyebrow and say “Oh, reeeeeally?” Three or four of those was all I needed to see what a wanker I was. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/79 "2020-05-07T07:11:31Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I think you may want to re-read the exchange you were responding to a little more carefully. If he knows the price of everything, but the value of nothing, then his talk of opportunity costs is kind of pointless. I’m not “reacting negatively” to the OP so much as mocking his cluelessness. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2020, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093/80 "2020-05-07T12:48:01Z")
> [@cornflakes2](#): > > Then after the feelings of hurt settled in, then other negative things start creeping in like how much money you spent on her and I never asked him how much but I’d guess to keep a girlfriend happy, it could cost anywhere between $3 grand to $10 grand a year (this includes paying for her meals, gas money for all the places you drive to, venues/tickets/shows, gifts (bday, christmas, valentines, anniversary, other misc.), shopping (buying stuff for her) Holy crap … maybe he should ask out girls who aren’t looking for sugar daddies or with ambitions of being a trophy wife? Maybe I went about it wrong, but I was always a pretty cheap date. Not rock-bottom, but … wow. Here’s another thought: you can’t buy happiness. Trying associating with people less focused on dollars. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-money-have-you-burned-on-a-girlfriend/853093.md?page=5)