# How much of a raise would you give/share with your SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 21, 2011, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452 "2011-03-21T10:12:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/1 "2011-03-21T10:12:31Z")
I’m thinking of a % here. ---
**Author:** ![Neverender](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/848f3c/32.png) [@Neverender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neverender)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/2 "2011-03-21T10:17:20Z")
Exactly what do you mean here? How much of my money would I give my SO? Nothing, she has her job, I have mine. we split the bills, shopping ect. Plans for things lie vacations involve saving equally. If we want something we use our own expendable income, other than birthdays, xmas etc. Does your SO work? Are you referring to yourself getting a raise and sharing it with her, or her working for/with you and you can give her a raise? ---
**Author:** ![DeepLiquid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/deepliquid/32/14893_2.png) [@DeepLiquid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepLiquid)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/3 "2011-03-21T10:27:13Z")
We have shared money, so all of it. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/4 "2011-03-21T10:28:05Z")
We don’t have separate money, it’s all “ours”. So I guess…100%. ETA: Jinx! ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/5 "2011-03-21T10:31:32Z")
> [@Neverender](#): > > Are you referring to yourself getting a raise and sharing it with her, this one. > [@Queen](#): > > We have shared money, so all of it. > [@Aspidistra](#): > > We don’t have separate money, it’s all “ours”. So I guess…100%. > > ETA: Jinx! So 50%? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/6 "2011-03-21T10:32:55Z")
Seeing as I am the only wage-earner in the coupledom, I’m guessing 100% of it too. Why the question? Are you thinking of non-disclosure of a payrise to your SO? Hmmm. Watch out! The Laws of Instant Karma are likely to bite your bum with a vengeance if you just happen to ‘forget’ you got a payrise. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/7 "2011-03-21T10:40:58Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Seeing as I am the only wage-earner in the coupledom, I’m guessing 100% of it too. Hmm, there appears to be some confusion here. I’m asking of the 100% of the raise, what % of that would you share? If you are saying you would “share” 100% of that, that means 50%, which would also include single wage families that share everything. If you give the entire raise amount, that’s 100%. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/8 "2011-03-21T10:44:21Z")
I think they are saying it’s not “give or not give”, it’s “the money all goes into a common pot, and we decide together about any significant purchases. Those significant purchases might be more for one person or the other, but that has nothing to do with who got the raise”. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/9 "2011-03-21T10:49:11Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I think they are saying it’s not “give or not give”, it’s “the money all goes into a common pot, and we decide together about any significant purchases. Those significant purchases might be more for one person or the other, but that has nothing to do with who got the raise”. Ok, in that case I’m asking from the perspective of couples who do not have a common pot. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/10 "2011-03-21T10:49:48Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > I’m thinking of a % here. Our money goes int a communal pool. We share it all. ETA: Sorry, didn’t see the OPs post above. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/11 "2011-03-21T10:53:12Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Why the question? Are you thinking of non-disclosure of a payrise to your SO? When I started working where I now work I was told the tale of one guy who put up with his wife’s “nagging” him about his lack of ambition, because he had failed to tell her of several promotions at work so that he could siphon money off from each pay for himself. One of my workmates was a telephone betting operator with the TAB on weekends. She explained that when you are placing someone’s bets all their account details are on screen for you to see. She said she was amazed by the number of men (always men) that had huge account balances but were just recreational gamblers betting a few dollars a day. She assumed that they were all hiding money from their spouses in a nice secure account that doesn’t post out statements. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/12 "2011-03-21T10:59:17Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Ok, in that case I’m asking from the perspective of couples who do not have a common pot. We have a common pot, but we do each have a spending allowance for little stuff, as we are big savers. We also save 100% of my husband’s salary. When he got a raise, we increased our savings by that amount. When I got a raise, we bumped each of our spending allowances the same amount. I did win a teaching award this last year that included a pretty decent check. I used a couple hundred of that to pay for the dress/trip down to the awards ceremony, and we saved the rest. I guess that wasn’t 50/50, but I figured it was basically covering expenses that wouldn’t have otherwise existed. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/13 "2011-03-21T11:04:13Z")
Actually the OP was inspired by a study by microlenders that showed that men who received raises were more likely to spend 100% on themselves, while women who received raises were more likely to share it with their spouses/family. I was curious about the western/SDMB view, and the % shared. Also, I’m in a particular situation where the raise I received was around $3k US per annum, but we often shop at Macy’s. Macy’s, for the uninitiated, often stacks discounts on top of sales, e.g. 50 % sale + 30% discount + 20% coupon. Therefore, if I really wanted to spend my entire $3k raise on my spouse, I could actually spend roughly $12k. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/14 "2011-03-21T12:21:59Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > Therefore, if I really wanted to spend my entire $3k raise on my spouse, I could actually spend roughly $12k. You’re joking, right? Please tell me you are joking. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/15 "2011-03-21T12:47:03Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > You’re joking, right? Please tell me you are joking. …Don’t forget ‘Gift Days’. :rolleyes: With such a flush expenditure, the OP could end up with a really nice leather gift-bag. But can it hold a closet full of clothes? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/16 "2011-03-21T12:55:53Z")
The OP makes it sound like your SO is a paid employee, or someone who gets a stipend or allowance. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/17 "2011-03-21T13:12:53Z")
The OP doesn’t make much sense to me. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/18 "2011-03-21T15:19:12Z")
I could see the point of the OP if you are talking about a dating relationship, but in a marriage everything is both of yours anyways. Sure, you can divide it up into different bank accounts, but that is just an excuse to hide purchases from each other. When/if you get a divorce, the judge certainly won’t make the yours/hers distinction. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/19 "2011-03-21T15:59:13Z")
Perhaps there’s a miscommunication between “giving” (as in the title) and “spending on”, as suggested by the study **Superhal** mentions in post #13? Sounds like the study suggests (just going by the summary **Superhal** gives) that a man might use a raise to buy new toys for himself, while a woman is more likely to, I dunno, buy the kids some toys and buy extra groceries. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452/20 "2011-03-21T16:06:56Z")
I had a coworker/friend who did not retire for two reasons: he loved the job and feared the spending rush his wife would get into if she knew how much money they actually had. Since he happened to be the spendthrift in the partnership, and she was one of those “spend it if you have it” people, he made a point of hiding from her exactly how much his income was. My first reaction was “eeeewwww!”, but then I realized it isn’t so different from the mythos/stereotype of the wife saving “teacup by teacup” enough to buy something special. Or to the mother of a friend presenting her husband with tickets to a caribbean cruise for the whole family and stopping his stammered protests with “it’s _my_ savings and I’m spending them how _I_ want to, so get going and tell your co-owners that you’ll be unavailable on those dates.” It simply happens to be inverted by gender to what I’m more used to seeing, maybe more extreme, but in the end it depends on how different the two partners are about money and its handling. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-of-a-raise-would-you-give-share-with-your-so/575452.md?page=2)