# How much right does an adopted person have to disregard their bio-parent's desire to stay anonymous? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2013, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614 "2013-03-22T05:45:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/21 "2013-03-22T18:00:19Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > She has every right to know, but the way she went about it was all wrong. > [@Claverhouse](#): > > Everyone on earth has an absolute right to discover their true ancestry. Consequences are unimportant. Why? ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/22 "2013-03-22T18:08:18Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > You have a right to ask for a relationship. > > You do not have a right to _have_ a relationship… You have the right to ask for, not have, a relationship with anyone. The hitch is that some ‘bio’ people, on one side or the other, think the genetic connection _is_ a relationship, that entitles them to some level of rights beyond those that they hold toward any other random person. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/23 "2013-03-22T18:12:06Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > You know, this whole thing just makes me wish you could slap someone through the Internet. Because this girl needs a slappin’. This is why I love you. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/24 "2013-03-22T19:19:05Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Everyone on earth has an absolute right to discover their true ancestry. Consequences are unimportant. Are you serious? Because if you are, I must call bullshit. Consequences are NEVER unimportant. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/25 "2013-03-22T19:30:23Z")
My kids are adopted. Not from birth but were removed from their mother’s ‘care.’ I think they have every right to ask about their birth family and they will be given the information about them when they reach the age of majority. There is no such thing as a closed adoption anymore in this province. You can obtain your birth information at the age of majority. Period. I think that is right. Otherwise, the kids will just flame out under curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/26 "2013-03-22T19:41:41Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I think medical history should be given up when you put a child up for adoption. That’s the only thing I think a person has a right to, and that can be gained through third party intermediaries. (You don’t actually have to meet the person) My husband and I have completed two private domestic adoptions in the US, and been involved in several false starts. Each time, the adoption agency collected as much health history from the biological parents as possible. The problem is that complete information just isn’t always possible. We worked with a woman who was 36 and hadn’t had contact with her own biological father for at least 20 years. He was healthy as far as she knew the last time she saw him, but that was when he was 35 or 40 himself. If he had a heart attack at 50 or developed colon cancer at 61 … well, we just don’t know. In another case, the bio mom was 18. Her parents were pretty young themselves, so we don’t know what they’ll develop, and the bio dad had taken off long ago. Being 18 and not planning on getting pregnant, she hadn’t exactly asked about a family history of diabetes. Or whatever. So they do try. But it’s an imperfect world. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/27 "2013-03-22T19:45:20Z")
With technology at its current state I don’t know why we aren’t building an adoption registry. It could provide the anonymous medical data that seems reasonable. It could have a way to link people when both the parent and child want it and screen either if they don’t. No one on either side of that should be forced to deal with the surprise visit/call unwanted. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/28 "2013-03-22T20:29:23Z")
> [@tim-n-va](#): > > With technology at its current state I don’t know why we aren’t building an adoption registry. It could provide the anonymous medical data that seems reasonable. It could have a way to link people when both the parent and child want it and screen either if they don’t. No one on either side of that should be forced to deal with the surprise visit/call unwanted. If someone wants a closed adoption, why would they want to be on an adoption registry? Any time I get on a list of any kind, I acknowledge that there is a very good chance that the list will be exposed, through hacking, on purpose or through misadventure. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/29 "2013-03-22T20:57:37Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > If someone wants a closed adoption, why would they want to be on an adoption registry? Any time I get on a list of any kind, I acknowledge that there is a very good chance that the list will be exposed, through hacking, on purpose or through misadventure. I think it’s not uncommon for a woman to regret the necessity of having to give up a child and hope someday she’ll be reunited with the child. Or to give up the child and wonder how the child was doing and if she was happy. I think that a clearinghouse of contact information should be made for those who want contact with either their bioparents or biochildren. If both parties wish for contact, then then can get in touch. No contact is made until all parties agree. StG ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/30 "2013-03-22T22:16:11Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Everyone on earth has an absolute right to discover their true ancestry. Consequences are unimportant. Yeah but she _has_ discovered her true ancestry on her bio-mothers side and says she’s capable of finding out the same for her bio-father. What she wants now is a meet-up. She’s trying to blackmail her bio-mother into meeting her - that’s got nothing to do with discovering ancestry. I personally think she has the right to contact whoever she wants to contact (i.e, she can contact her bio-half-siblings without her bio-mothers permission and if it causes bio-mother grief that’s unfortunate but not her problem), but she has zero right to force anyone to like her, want to meet her, welcome her with open arms, which is the impression I’m getting is the only thing she’ll be satisfied with. Everyone on earth also has the absolute right to not have a relationship with someone, no matter how much the other person wants it. So yeah, she can try to contact whoever she wants to, but it’s a two-way street and if the other person doesn’t want contact, that’s the end of that. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/31 "2013-03-22T22:37:03Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > If someone wants a closed adoption, why would they want to be on an adoption registry? Any time I get on a list of any kind, I acknowledge that there is a very good chance that the list will be exposed, through hacking, on purpose or through misadventure. It used to be that ALL adoptions were closed, without exception. If a child was old enough to remember the bio-parents well, we can’t erase memories but other than the kid’s own recollections it was treated as a Deep Dark Secret. So people who might have wanted to stay in contact back then didn’t have a choice. A young woman who hid her pregnancy (either with or without family help) then gave up the baby so as to avoid social bias and get and education or other favorable position might not have wanted the baby known about _right then_ but 20 or 30 or 40 years later when her circumstances are different it might not matter to her anymore. And people can change their minds. It’s possible that a young person might give up a child she can’t take care of but decades later desire a reunion. It’s even possible that someone who is 20 might not know of some genetic illness in her family but 20 years later may want to impart such information to her child she adopted out. That might be a case where she doesn’t want a reunion but still feels the right thing is to give that child important information. (Note that I am aware men can also give up children for adoption, but I’m assuming in the vast majority of instances it’s the woman making the decision here.) ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614/32 "2013-03-22T22:43:30Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > Adopted people have no absolutely no right to information about or to contact their bio parents. And the reverse is true as well. Not even for purposes of medical history. Which is as it should be. > [@\_Olive](#): > > My bio father found me. He was dying decided he should contact his children. He just called out of the blue one day. Did you already know you were adopted, or was this really out of the blue? :eek: > [@Broomstick](#): > > You have a right to know about genetic history that might affect you or your children during a lifetime - but we’re fast approaching a point where you can test a person’s genome directly rather than relying on medical history… Aren’t we already at that point, at least in terms of technology if not economic feasibility? > [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > If someone wants a closed adoption, why would they want to be on an adoption registry? Any time I get on a list of any kind, I acknowledge that there is a very good chance that the list will be exposed, through hacking, on purpose or through misadventure. The idea is that someone could opt for a closed adoption, then years later decide they’d be open to contact with their offspring. So they go on the registry and if said offspring also opts to go on the registry they can find eachother. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-much-right-does-an-adopted-person-have-to-disregard-their-bio-parents-desire-to-stay-anonymous/653614.md?page=1)