# How NOT to break up with your Internet boyfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 27, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707 "2005-09-27T17:26:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/1 "2005-09-27T17:26:03Z")
You could just tell him you’ve got cold feet and don’t want to meet. You could 'fess up that you’re not so much a virtual twin of Jessica Alba as you hinted, and hope he really does love you for your mind after all. Or… you could [not get on the plane, and then claim you were abducted from the airport, raped, stabbed, and left in a ditch.](http://www.wkyt.com/Global/story.asp?S=3870514) Of course, the downside to that plan is that police then have to burn hundreds of manhours finding you, and it’s really embarrassing when they discover you safe and sound in your home the whole time. Next time, consider creating a fake persona right from the start, and faking your own fatal illness, or something easier along those lines. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/2 "2005-09-27T17:28:50Z")
Oh, come now. In today’s modern world, hasn’t “I’ve been raped, stabbed, and dumped in a ditch” become the equivalent of “I’m busy washing my hair?” You’re living in the past, man. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/3 "2005-09-27T17:31:21Z")
I’m still on the fence regarding whether hurricane non-evacuees should be fined for their rescue costs. This dumb bitch, on the other hand? Make her pay. Big time. ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/4 "2005-09-27T17:43:16Z")
Unfortunately, she’ll be late for her first court appearance and confined for the duration of her trial when the judge doesn’t buy her “I was gang-raped by a squad of invading left-wing Columbian guerillas who burnt me at the stake and then disembowled me and hung me from a tree by my intestines while they listened to Frank Sinatra albums” excuse. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/5 "2005-09-27T17:47:04Z")
[dripping contempt] Luxury. [/dc] ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/6 "2005-09-27T18:01:41Z")
For a minute there I thought Jennifer Wilbanks had taken up Internet dating. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/7 "2005-09-27T18:02:47Z")
> [@Metacom](#): > > - snip - “I was gang-raped by a squad of invading left-wing Columbian guerillas who burnt me at the stake and then disembowled me and hung me from a tree by my intestines while they listened to Frank Sinatra albums” excuse. **Metacom** , can I use this for the next time I’m late for work? ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/8 "2005-09-27T18:09:22Z")
Update: The article provided by **Bricker** said: > [@](#): > > For now, Crews has not been charged with any crime, but Nicholasville police say they expect Kansas City authorities to press charges. Well, [it’s happened](http://www.wkyt.com/Global/story.asp?S=3890609&nav=4CAL). > [@](#): > > Elizabeth E. Crews – of Nicholasville, Kentucky – was charged with making a false report. That’s a misdemeanor carrying maximum penalties of six months in jail or a 500-dollar fine. > > But the 18-year-old Crews could find herself facing a much larger bill. Platte County prosecutor Eric Zahnd says he has asked the agencies involved in the hours-long search on September 17th to submit their costs. It Crews is convicted, Zahnd says she could be ordered to pay back those agencies. Hope she gets the jail, the fine, and has to pay the costs. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/9 "2005-09-27T18:10:58Z")
I don’t think she needs to go to jail. Just giving her a bill that she’ll be paying back for the next 20 years should be good enough. Even better if they just garnish her paycheck. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/10 "2005-09-27T18:11:03Z")
What would have been really classic is if the guy who was stood up had listened to this tale of woe and then said, "well, uh…so you want to get together _tomorrow_ night? ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/11 "2005-09-27T18:12:03Z")
[I can’t resist. (A flash video)](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/blockedme.php) ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/12 "2005-09-27T18:17:08Z")
This photo caption made me laugh > [@](#): > > Kansas City Rescue Crews Search for Crews ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/13 "2005-09-27T18:17:17Z")
Whoa. Grade-A nutcase. WTF?? ---
**Author:** ![Electrical\_Storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac8455/32.png) [@Electrical\_Storm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electrical_Storm)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/14 "2005-09-27T18:18:28Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > What would have been really classic is if the guy who was stood up had listened to this tale of woe and then said, "well, uh…so you want to get together _tomorrow_ night? So - did that guy ever marry Jennifer Wilbanks? Sorry for the hijack - but looks like this girl was studying the “Jennifer Wilbanks Guide to Dodging Your Problems” manual. Wouldn’t that be sad? If this guy comes back and wants to get together after Crews has “had a chance to clear her mind”… ---
**Author:** ![Corii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Corii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corii)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/15 "2005-09-27T18:26:36Z")
It takes a special kind of drama queen to fake a death/mutilation/dismemberment on the internet. LOOK AT MEEEEEEE! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/16 "2005-09-27T18:30:56Z")
Sorry for the hijack, but… > [@mhendo](#): > > That’s a misdemeanor carrying maximum penalties of six months in jail or a 500-dollar fine. This has always confused me. Six months or five hundred dollars? In what universe are those remotely equivalent? Are there truly any people who would rather spend six months in jail than pony up $500? ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/17 "2005-09-27T18:32:28Z")
The worst part of this story is that Neil Diamond’s ‘Kentucky Woman’ is going to be stuck in my head all day. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/18 "2005-09-27T18:42:20Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > The worst part of this story is that Neil Diamond’s ‘Kentucky Woman’ is going to be stuck in my head all day. I’d rather be gang-raped by a squad of invading left-wing Colombian guerillas… ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/19 "2005-09-27T18:44:57Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Or… you could [not get on the plane, and then claim you were abducted from the airport, raped, stabbed, and left in a ditch.](http://www.wkyt.com/Global/story.asp?S=3870514) But we can still be friends, can’t we? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707/20 "2005-09-27T18:48:20Z")
So why didn’t she just tell the guy that, but tell the truth (or say she didn’t know anything about it) when the cops called? 😕😕 Did the guy call the cops first? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-break-up-with-your-internet-boyfriend/323707.md?page=2)