# How not to get thrown out of a party- some basic guidelines
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [May 21, 2007, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906 "2007-05-21T08:27:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/41 "2007-05-23T13:13:56Z")
If I had “parents” who “acted” like the object of this pitting, I’d sure be “uncomfortable” with them.
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### Author:  [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/42 "2007-05-23T13:55:52Z")
If she’d been 20-something with still-perky secondary sex characteristics but behaved exactly the same way, would you still have posted your rant? See, what I’m getting here is that her main offense was being old moreso than just acting like an asshole (which she did). Is it that she made a play for your boyfriends that irks you or is that somebody OLD made a play for your boyfriends?
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### Author:  [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/43 "2007-05-23T13:58:13Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup]
If she’d been 20-something with still-perky secondary sex characteristics but behaved exactly the same way, would you still have posted your rant?
[/QUOTE]
Dunno about the OP, but I haven’t noticed a dire shortage of women with still-perky secondary sex characteristics _and_ an ability to behave in a civilized manner.
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### Author:  [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/44 "2007-05-23T16:48:46Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup]
If she’d been 20-something with still-perky secondary sex characteristics but behaved exactly the same way, would you still have posted your rant? See, what I’m getting here is that her main offense was being old moreso than just acting like an asshole (which she did). Is it that she made a play for your boyfriends that irks you or is that somebody OLD made a play for your boyfriends?
[/QUOTE]
I don’t see where you’re getting that as a _main_ offence, but it certainly is an aggravating factor. A twenty year old acting like that is annoying. A forty year old acting like that is even more annoying, because they’ve had twice as long to learn not to act like that, and yet still hasn’t picked up a clue. I don’t think it’s particularly ageist to expect more mature behavior from people as they get older. It’s kind of implicit in the word, “mature,” really.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/45 "2007-05-23T17:34:42Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Don’t get involved in arguments you know nothing about with total strangers. Don’t tell the female half of a quarreling couple to throw her boyfriend’s shit out and leave him. Same goes for heated political debates of which you know nothing. Singing Bob Marley songs off-key while there’s an argument in an attempt to foster a sense of love and solidarity will probably only serve to further infuriate the participants and annoy the peacemakers.
If we could do audio linkups, you’d be describing this board.
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### Author:  [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/46 "2007-05-23T18:47:33Z")
[QUOTE=Kal]
Someone should have took one for the team and shagged her.
[/QUOTE]
From where I’m sitting I can see multiple acrylic trophies with the words “teamwork award” and my name engraved on them. I can see a half dozen certificates for other “team” awards of various stripes, including the certificate for first ever “collaboration award” given in my company. The certificate was presented, along with a cash bonus(as were most of the awards), at a company-sponsored award ceremony and personally handed out by three different directors. It’s safe to say I’m a team player.
And there’s no fucking way I’d have taken that one for the team.
Enjoy,
Steven
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### Author:  [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/47 "2007-05-23T20:18:22Z")
[QUOTE=Mtgman]
… It’s safe to say I’m a team player.
And there’s no fucking way I’d have taken that one for the team.
[/QUOTE]
Meh. I’ve done worse.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/48 "2007-05-23T20:22:34Z")
[QUOTE=coule]
I’m 40 and my co-workers are 20’s. That’s fine with us, so try to take like the “adult” you “are”. Sounds like you are 20 and uncomfortable with people you think are your parents
[/QUOTE]
Now this is just pathetic.
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### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/49 "2007-05-23T20:45:34Z")
I used to visit the inspiration for Kathy Bates’ character in [this made-for-TV movie](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298454/). I stopped visiting the day I noticed that this 50-something was wearing no panties under her skirt.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/50 "2007-05-23T20:45:59Z")
[QUOTE=coule]
Sounds like you are 20 and uncomfortable with people you think are your parents
[/QUOTE]
I caught this undertone at the beginning of the post, but I think it was about a lot more than just age.
I just don’t get people like the OP that feel it’s only appropriate for people to be at parties with other people the same age. The last party I went to, the oldest invitee was 60-something and the youngest was 19. Somehow, everyone found people to talk to and subjects in common to discuss. I spent a fair amount of time with both the oldest and the youngest people there, and I’m not related to either one.
Of course, there weren’t any drunk sexual predators with miniskirts and no underwear…
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### Author:  [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/51 "2007-05-23T21:37:17Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat]
I just don’t get people like the OP that feel it’s only appropriate for people to be at parties with other people the same age…Of course, there weren’t any drunk sexual predators with miniskirts and no underwear…
[/QUOTE]
Do you honestly think that if a 40-something person attended the party in the OP, joined in the conversation instead of dominating it, kept her legs together and skirt down (or in the case of a man, kept his pants up), used her life-experience wisdom to mediate in an argument instead of making it worse, and generally contributed to the gathering by her presence, that the OP would have titled hir post “Reasons people over 40 should not leave the house”?
I’m 37, and last month I was at a party with mostly 20somethings. I didn’t think anything of it, and apparently, neither did they. When I was in my early 20s, several people in my social circle were…well, we didn’t know exactly, but one guy said he’d seen KISS in concert in 1976, when he was in high school. One woman had spent all of 1973 living in a teepee. We **liked** having these people around. They knew stuff we didn’t, and all that. So let’s not derail this thread.
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### Author:  [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)
#### Post date: [May 23, 2007, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/52 "2007-05-23T23:48:32Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
Do you honestly think that if a 40-something person attended the party in the OP, joined in the conversation instead of dominating it, kept her legs together and skirt down (or in the case of a man, kept his pants up), used her life-experience wisdom to mediate in an argument instead of making it worse, and generally contributed to the gathering by her presence, that the OP would have titled hir post “Reasons people over 40 should not leave the house”?
I’m 37, and last month I was at a party with mostly 20somethings. I didn’t think anything of it, and apparently, neither did they. When I was in my early 20s, several people in my social circle were…well, we didn’t know exactly, but one guy said he’d seen KISS in concert in 1976, when he was in high school. One woman had spent all of 1973 living in a teepee. We **liked** having these people around. They knew stuff we didn’t, and all that. So let’s not derail this thread.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I’ve got a friend coming in to town this weekend, who’s turning 38. It’s just that he doesn’t get shitfaced and act like an idiot. Especially when other people are not shitfaced and not exposing themselves (and exposing other people). It just made it even worse, I expected slightly better behavior from someone that much older than me, and don’t think it’s particularly “ageist.” I also expect someone older than me to have more experience and better advice (generally speaking) from just being around longer and having, well, experienced more and matured a bit.
Older people can be really great, they have much better stories to tell than I do. I’ve always hung out with people older than I am until recently, now most of my friends are my age or a bit younger, but my last boyfriend was 30 when I was 23, and my current gentleman friend is also 30.
I’m 25, and if I still acted like a 17 year old I’d expect people to find it off-putting, if not incredibly annoying. And anyone bending over with no underwear and exposing themselves to on-lookers is really gross in my book. As is anyone, man or woman, old or young, who hangs all over a multitude of people who are obviously not interested.
And I was one of only 2 (semi)single people at the party, the other being a friend who I’ve known for 8 years, is my best friend’s brother, and someone I think of as my little bro. So no jealousy here.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/53 "2007-05-24T16:16:16Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
Do you honestly think that if a 40-something person attended the party in the OP, joined in the conversation instead of dominating it, kept her legs together and skirt down (or in the case of a man, kept his pants up), used her life-experience wisdom to mediate in an argument instead of making it worse, and generally contributed to the gathering by her presence, that the OP would have titled hir post “Reasons people over 40 should not leave the house”?
[/QUOTE]
Context, my friend. Context! If you had quoted the sentence _before_ the one you quoted, you would have read the words “I think it was about a lot more than just age” and noticed that I referred to the age-oriented part of the OP as “undertone.” Don’t just pull a random sentence out of my post and attack it out of context.
Did you notice that the very first point in the OP was, “Take a look at your social calendar and what that says about you. If you’re 40-something, and a night spent with kids in their early 20s sounds like the perfect evening, maybe that says something about your maturity level and/or social skills. Even if your coworker invites you.” Are you _really_ telling me you don’t read an undertone of “hey you old farts, get outta my party”?
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### Author:  [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/54 "2007-05-24T16:32:40Z")
Good rant I suppose. But for some reason I just cant shake the feeling the OP is a bitch. Maybe you have a good point in this “old” ladies behaviour… but for some reason I just read what you wrote and think “bitch”.
Am I the only one?
\*on preview I think IW agrees with me 🙂
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### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/55 "2007-05-24T16:36:31Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#):
>
> Did you notice that the very first point in the OP was, “Take a look at your social calendar and what that says about you. If you’re 40-something, and a night spent with kids in their early 20s sounds like the perfect evening, maybe that says something about your maturity level and/or social skills. Even if your coworker invites you.” Are you really telling me you don’t read an undertone of “hey you old farts, get outta my party”?
Hmmm, I read it as “If you as a more mature and socially experienced person don’t have any place you’d rather be than partying with us, then maybe you’re kind of a loser (or you have ulterior motives for being there, like hitting on the younger guys)”.
That’s actually kind of \*\*self-\*\*deprecating instead of insulting: “Our parties are good enough for us callow post-college kids, but if they’re good enough for a 40-something woman then maybe there’s something wrong with her.”
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### Author:  [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/56 "2007-05-24T16:36:42Z")
Ditto what \*\* Wombat \*\* said. Why the need to even mention her age? Her poor behavior sounds more due to a drinking problem than how old she is. Are you telling me that all your 20 somehting friends exhibit stellar behavior at all your parties? Because at 40, I am frequently the oldest person at my twenty-something year old friend’s parties and it isn’t me throwing people in the pool and pissing off the balcony.
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### Author:  [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/57 "2007-05-24T16:37:29Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup]
If she’d been 20-something with still-perky secondary sex characteristics but behaved exactly the same way, would you still have posted your rant? See, what I’m getting here is that her main offense was being old moreso than just acting like an asshole (which she did). Is it that she made a play for your boyfriends that irks you or is that somebody OLD made a play for your boyfriends?
[/QUOTE]
Please see Hilton, Paris.
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### Author:  [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/58 "2007-05-24T16:49:24Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#):
>
> Because at 40, I am frequently the oldest person at my twenty-something year old friend’s parties and it isn’t me throwing people in the pool and pissing off the balcony.
Yeah, but these are your **friends**. You’re not tagging along after a 20-something co-worker to hang out with a bunch of other 20-somethings who are strangers to you.
It’s true that most of the OP’s criticisms would have worked without any reference to age, and that there are plenty of sensible, mature 40-somethings who could have attended a 20-something birthday party without annoying anybody. Still, the fact that this woman is behaving like such an ass among people who are young enough to be her own children does add something to the assitude of it all, IMHO.
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### Author:  [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)
#### Post date: [May 24, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/59 "2007-05-24T16:57:49Z")
[QUOTE=Dob]
Am I the only one?
[/QUOTE]
Nope.
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### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [May 25, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-get-thrown-out-of-a-party-some-basic-guidelines/404906/60 "2007-05-25T05:31:52Z")
[QUOTE=WOOKINPANUB]
Ditto what \*\* Wombat \*\* said. Why the need to even mention her age? Her poor behavior sounds more due to a drinking problem than how old she is. Are you telling me that all your 20 somehting friends exhibit stellar behavior at all your parties? Because at 40, I am frequently the oldest person at my twenty-something year old friend’s parties and it isn’t me throwing people in the pool and pissing off the balcony.
[/QUOTE]
No, the age thing is part of the story, and more so because she kept trying to pick up the boys.
She wasn’t part of the group, and anyone who comes a first time and behaves that badly is going to get shit, but it’s pathetic that she hasn’t learned by her age.
Not that at 45 I’m terribly mature, still I’m not going to go to a party of 20 something year olds and try to pick up the girls.
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