# How NOT To Open A Box (A Photo Essay) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 23, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908 "2006-05-23T15:20:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/1 "2006-05-23T15:20:14Z")
Ok, our bid on the house was accepted, now begins the hell of packing up all the crap around this place. Step one: Buy boxes. As [you can see](http://www.sirblah.com/misc/box1.jpg), the package the boxes come in is sealed shut with tape. Not a problem, just grab something sharp to slice through that tape. Step two: [Slice through that tape](http://www.sirblah.com/misc/box2.jpg). Should be easy, right? Just take the scissors and _fwwwip_ right through the tape. However, this is how _not_ to open a box. So don’t do what I did. Through the magic of a half-assed Photoshopping, we can now see a recreation of how I was holding the scissors, and [how I went about using them](http://www.sirblah.com/misc/box3.jpg). We can also see a recreation of [the end result](http://www.sirblah.com/misc/box4.jpg) (link not male-friendly). Owie. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/2 "2006-05-23T15:22:19Z")
I saw that coming after the second picture, and said “owie” before I read it. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/3 "2006-05-23T15:30:32Z")
And before anyone else tosses this out there, yes, I’m very much aware of [this site](http://www.armchair.mb.ca/~scissors/) (warning: link contains music). ---
**Author:** ![Zachlee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Zachlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zachlee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/4 "2006-05-23T15:35:58Z")
Hal, you’re now a homeowner. This is only the first of a long series of embarassing, painful and debilitating injuries. I recommend developing a drug habit. Btw, I love the fact that a package of boxes comes in a box. There’s something so zen and meta about that. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/5 "2006-05-23T15:47:35Z")
Perhaps [one of these](http://www.fitbuy.com/pd/cn1411.html) is in order. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/6 "2006-05-23T15:54:18Z")
The thing that most shocks me about the OP (I’m too used to living with a man who does that kind of stuff) is this: You _buy_ boxes? Huh. I thought that’s what work and the grocery store were for. Anyway, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/7 "2006-05-23T16:11:07Z")
_wince_ The only thing I can say is that sharp injury trauma to the groin through a pair of jeans is less painful, IMHO, than a blow from a blunt instrument, assuming that you didn’t actually draw blood. _wince_ ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/8 "2006-05-23T16:23:14Z")
Oooh, the sheep won’t like that. Glad you’re okay. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/9 "2006-05-23T16:35:50Z")
> [@Zachlee](#): > > Btw, I love the fact that a package of boxes comes in a box. I worked in a neurophysiology lab for a while. We used to order Tetrodotoxin, a potent neurotoxin found in pufferfish. [http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/motm/ttx/ttx.htm](http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/motm/ttx/ttx.htm) The drug came in a tiny glass vial. The vial was in a tin can that had to be opened with a can opener. The can was in a vinyl envelope that had to be cut open with scissors. The envelope was in a box, which was in a slightly bigger box, which was in a slightly bigger box. The external box was covered with warnings. After opening a shipment of tetrodotoxin, the lab looked like a tornado had blown through. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/10 "2006-05-23T16:47:00Z")
Owwwwwwwwwwwwww. Are you okay? ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/11 "2006-05-23T17:36:50Z")
> [@Zachlee](#): > > Hal, you’re now a homeowner. > > This is only the first of a long series of embarassing, painful and debilitating injuries. > > I recommend developing a drug habit. > Btw, I love the fact that a package of boxes comes in a box. There’s something so zen and meta about that. Ooohhhmmmmmmmmmy god, I’ll bet that hurt. As a professional box maker, putting boxes into boxes is basically what I do, not that most people need a box expert to do that. Taking boxes out of boxes is a different story though. They teach us the first day of box making how important it is to cut away from yourself, especially “down there”. The second day is pretty much spent on thinking outside the box. I gotta agree with **yellowval** though, Wal Mart at midnight nets some decent moving boxes (the ones I make are too small to be of practical use) without the added benefit of home castration. Ooohhhmmmmmmmmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/12 "2006-05-23T17:38:58Z")
Hope the damage wasn’t too serious. [/still has a small scar on willy from a _screwdriver_ suddenly driven through denim many years back] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/13 "2006-05-23T17:43:01Z")
> [@Zachlee](#): > > Hal, you’re now a homeowner. Yup. A homeowner **and** a eunuch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/14 "2006-05-23T18:15:29Z")
Obviously, the problem is that you were trying to take pictures while opening the box. Next time, put the camera down while using sharp instruments. On buying boxes, there’s a huge difference between packing brand new, equally sized boxes and a bunch of beat up, randomly sized boxes. If I was smarter, my last move would have used 3-4 sizes of box, all brand new from the same source, all packed with brand new packing paper (instead of old Village Voices, the porn ads are fun though) and top quality tape. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/15 "2006-05-23T18:26:42Z")
I can’t see much in that last photo. Could you take another one with your pants removed, so we can see the full extent of the damage? And maybe from several angles? ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/16 "2006-05-23T18:50:39Z")
Come on people! Is there no one here who will offer to kiss it and make it better?\* ~sigh~ if it was woman who had injured herself in a similar manner, I’m sure there would have been tons of offers. 🙂 \*Hal Briston, let the record officially show I was looking out for you. I am wing-man extraordinaire ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/17 "2006-05-23T21:38:03Z")
OW. I’m a woman, and I just clamped my legs together in sympathy. Cutting away from the body is an _excellent_ idea. **Larry** , that sounds like a, uh, interesting story. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/18 "2009-02-19T20:40:20Z")
After mopping the floor, I was rinsing the mop out in the sink. The kitchen was quite narrow, so I had to point the handle up. I did not realize how low the light fixture hung and hit it with the handle. Glass rained down on me both in large chunks and in fine splinters. The floor was still wet with ammonia water, and apparently no one could hear my screams, so I had to walk out without help. This was particularly nasty because I had been standing on tiptoes on one foot and had glass splinters in my feet. I was picking out glass from all over, especially from my scalp, for days. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-open-a-box-a-photo-essay/357908/19 "2009-02-19T20:50:31Z")
Ouch - three year old zombie crotch wound. GROIINNNNNS!