# How not to suck at htting little dimply balls **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2000, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217 "2000-06-30T23:08:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Tof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@The\_Tof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tof)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/1 "2000-06-30T23:08:24Z")
OK… I’m playing golf tomorrow for exactly the second time in a tournament my friend talked me into joining. (Today was my first, we thought I should get some swings in). Now, I wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought I’d be, though I did have many many unintentional practice swings. 😉 But was wondering if anybody has some tips to make me not look as bad as I already will. (Incidentally, the whole thing is basically a big excuse to drink a buncha beer (isn’t all golf?)… But my competetiveness drives me to at least not look silly.) screeme ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/2 "2000-06-30T23:25:07Z")
Heh heh. He said “dimply balls.” Heh heh. Sorry. I know nothing about golf. I think bogeys and slices are bad. Don’t do those. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/3 "2000-06-30T23:28:01Z")
> [@](#): > > OK… I’m playing golf tomorrow for exactly the second time in a tournament my friend talked me into joining. Some friend. 🙂 My advice: Perform an ego-ectomy on yourself before you leave the house. And, rather than ratchet up that competitive spirit, instead enjoy the sense of mystery each time you tee up the ball–who knows where the hell the ball will go? Laugh alot. Say things like, “Chili dip, nacho shot!” and “Wow! Worm burner!.” Grip it and rip it. Crank it and shank it. Have fun with it, and bring extra balls. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/4 "2000-06-30T23:34:42Z")
I hit an eagle (no, not the bird) one time. That was the very last time I played so now, for the rest of my life, when someone asks me to go golfing I can say, “Nah. Last time I played I hit an eagle and I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![radar\_ralf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@radar\_ralf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/radar_ralf)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/5 "2000-06-30T23:40:08Z")
Screeme: Dang! My hat is off to you! You are indeed a brave soul and a good friend to play in a tournament with very little experience. Is there a chance you have the time to go to Blockbuster or another video rental place to check out an instructional tape? The golf swing is a movement that doesn’t come naturally for most folks, but I have seen some guys and gals who seem to be very comfortable from the very first moment they start golf. I guess the best bet for you would be to just relax, have a beer, and enjoy the game. You may find that the beer has loosened you up to the point where you don’t worry and fret about the game and all of a sudden everything snaps into place. Basically, keep your eye on the ball, your shoulders level, and follow through. Okay, so that’s _real_ basic - watch the other folks in your foursome and (if this is not a real competitive tournament) ask for pointers as you go. When you have some time, and you are serious about learning the game, a few lessons from a golf pro are highly recommended. Have a good time, and keep in mind the UL about what Johnny Carson supposedly said to the wife of some golf legend that was on The Tonight Show… ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/6 "2000-07-01T00:42:24Z")
**MAN** did I misread the thread title. Must have been all the paint fumes I inhaled yesterday. That said, screw the clubs. Ask the police if you can borrow one of their riot shotguns (modified to shoot golf balls). Much easier than swinging a funny-looking stick at the ball . . . putting might be a problem, though. – Sylence ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/7 "2000-07-01T04:59:29Z")
Just had that experience last weekend. . . One of the players in our eightsome was a little old lady who never hit the ball farther than 100 yards, but she hit it straight every time. She got a better score than me. Distance doesn’t matter if the ball doesn’t go where you want it. It’s more of a mental game than a physical game. Zen-like concentration when addressing the ball helps. Good luck, and just pick up the ball and take twice par when you either reach it, or are still not on the green at 1 under twice par. Anybody have any good Golf drinking games? (Player gets a birdie, take a sip. Hit into the water, finish the can.) ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/8 "2000-07-01T08:37:36Z")
Open your eyes. Try not to think about what you’re doing. Finally, realize that, no matter how badly you mess up, even if you make the most embarrassing golf shot ever, no one is going to remember 1000, 100, or likely even 10 years from now. (However, in the here and now, everyone’s gonna laugh at you.) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/9 "2000-07-01T10:07:52Z")
Don’t try to act like you can play. You won’t pull it off. Instead o the other way. A Hawaiian shirt, big straw hat, high-top sneakers with outlandish shorts. This way you’ll be the affiable, slightly goofy guy rather than the putz who held up the trailing foursome all day. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/10 "2000-07-01T12:13:31Z")
The only advice I have is - use mental imagery- picture the shot in your head first- and hit the ball **to** the pin, not **at** the pin. This little thought improved my game quite a bit. ---
**Author:** ![mega\_the\_roo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/11 "2000-07-01T18:04:31Z")
Ha. I got suckered into a tournament once and ended up winning an award . . . for shortest drive. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tof](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@The\_Tof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tof)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-not-to-suck-at-htting-little-dimply-balls/24217/12 "2000-07-03T00:00:06Z")
Thanks everybody for the advice. The tournament wasn’t very competetive, and was for the most part really fun. I got a mega bad sunburn though. ☹ I had a lot of fun though… I just let my team know that I was horrible, and am there to have fun. So, its OK to laugh at me, because I’ll be laughing too. And we all had a great time. There was one guy on my team that was a ringer though… (he’s trying out for the PGA tour in a couple of months in Arizona)… he was VERY nice and gave me a lot of good pointers. Thanks for all the info. Screeme