# How often do kids break up marriages, you think? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 5, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156 "2014-06-05T23:10:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![llcoolbj77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb9ed0/32.png) [@llcoolbj77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llcoolbj77)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/21 "2014-06-07T00:15:42Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Believe it or not, wives can be the same. I do about 75% of the childrearing because she always seems to busy. I believe it. I know some women like that. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/22 "2014-06-07T02:03:41Z")
Assuming both parents actually wanted kids, I wonder how often it’s actually the kids compared to how often it’s almost a coincidence that the kids uncover pre-existing issues and tendencies.For example, if a couple doesn’t have kids, you won’t end up with tension because one parent “lets the kids walk all over” him or her - but you’ll have essentially the same tension if he or she lets family,friends or neighbors walk all over him or her. That parent who participates less in child care might do the same if it was an elderly parent that needed care, rather than a child. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/23 "2014-06-07T02:55:47Z")
> [@llcoolbj77](#): > > This has been a big issue for my husband and I, unfortunately. It sounds like you have specific, concrete issues that counseling could help you work out. It’s not just for people who are getting divorced. Why not give it a shot? ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/24 "2014-06-07T06:45:23Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Assuming both parents actually wanted kids, I wonder how often it’s actually the kids compared to how often it’s almost a coincidence that the kids uncover pre-existing issues and tendencies.For example, if a couple doesn’t have kids, you won’t end up with tension because one parent “lets the kids walk all over” him or her - but you’ll have essentially the same tension if he or she lets family,friends or neighbors walk all over him or her. That parent who participates less in child care might do the same if it was an elderly parent that needed care, rather than a child. Wise words, indeed. To answer the OP, I think probably not as often as they hold them together, but badly. Marriage is hard. Child rearing is basic training for hell. Every bug-a-boo you never wanted to pop up will, and either has to be dealt with or ignored, which is what started good table manners and bad sex. Kids require commitment. Whether or not we see the joy in them is a reflection of ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![BDBoop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@BDBoop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BDBoop)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/25 "2014-06-07T06:48:11Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Kids helped us stay together; they gave us a common enemy. 😉 > > Damn, we love being empty-nesters… /chortle, choke ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/26 "2014-06-07T14:33:13Z")
I don’t think the kids ever do it, but there are way too many people who have a faltering relationship and try to use “having a kid” as a band-aid. It doesn’t work. There are other cases where the presence of the kid may make an already-existing trait more visible, but again, the issue already existed: people don’t become slobs, or control freaks, because of pregnancy hormones - they already were. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/27 "2014-06-07T17:19:48Z")
> [@llcoolbj77](#): > > I suppose I could have guessed this about him. He and I are both gamers, and would rather be playing video games than almost anything. This should be an absolute deal-breaker for any woman who wants children. As for “do kids cause divorces”, the answer is “You better believe they do.” And if a child was responsible for their parents’ divorce, they know it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156/28 "2014-06-07T17:29:24Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I work with alot of families of special needs and they do have a high divorce rate. > > This one SOB I knew, he walked out of his marriage when he found out all the resources his newly diagnosed kid was going to require. He was such a self centered POS who only cared for himself. Granted his Dad did the same to him. I started this thread a while back. I do sometimes wonder where all those men go. > **[Spinoff from child support thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=689859)** > > Question: Has anyone here ever found out that their SO abandoned a child or a family? I’m not talking about someone who put a baby up for adoption (unless they didn’t tell you) or even someone who’s prohibited from seeing their children, whether... [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-kids-break-up-marriages-you-think/690156.md?page=1)