# How often do you masturbate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2006, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533 "2006-06-28T19:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/21 "2006-06-28T22:26:50Z")
[QUOTE=betenoir] I thought killing kittens when both ways. What, you don’t think you kill kittens??? [/quote] Of course I kill kittens! I’m a girl! It’s right there in the OP, silly! (I assumed the “kittens” bit was a play on “pussy”. Maybe not.) > [@](#): > > I kind of like silenus’s “Impeaching Bush”. Me too. But “jilloff” made me giggle, too. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/22 "2006-06-28T22:31:07Z")
Well I’d whip it all day and all night if I could but the Lord and the wife wouldn’t take it too good so I whip it when it and work when I should Thank God I’m a peckerwood. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/23 "2006-06-28T22:35:15Z")
I only beat off under medical supervision these days. It’s a chore. The rest of the time, every sperm is sacred. The Egg is jealous of my right fist, and does not suffer competition. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/24 "2006-06-28T22:46:50Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] Well I’d whip it all day and all night if I could but the Lord and the wife wouldn’t take it too good so I whip it when it and work when I should Thank God I’m a peckerwood. [/QUOTE] Even with a word apparently missing from the third line, that was hilarious. Now all we need (besides the missing word) is a John Denver sound-alike to record it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/25 "2006-06-28T22:51:36Z")
**WhyNot** , “killing kittens” comes (heh) from [this](http://www.hatebus.com/locker/kitten.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/26 "2006-06-28T22:51:59Z")
Remember this gem (sung to the tune of _Funiculi Funicula_) _Smash it! Bash it! Beat it on the floor! Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through a door! It is so neat to beat your meat While sitting on the toilet seeeeeeeat!_ Then something about life being divine, etc. The rest escapes me. ---
**Author:** ![mojave66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@mojave66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mojave66)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/27 "2006-06-28T22:51:59Z")
Female, 44, partnered for 14 years, lesbian. Once a month, and if I’m _really_ lucky, I hit the O-zone. Stupid Effexor! ---
**Author:** ![purpler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/cab0a1/32.png) [@purpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purpler)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/28 "2006-06-28T22:54:11Z")
38 M Single Straight I’m slowing down some in the past few years. I used to average 12-15 times per week, but now i’m closer to 7-10 per week. It’s still a rare day that i don’t masturbate, though. I’m sure the frequency has something to do with a Catholic upbringing, but i have no idea what. I almost started this hijack in the other thread, but figured it would be distracting from the topic at hand (no pun intended). Apparently it would have been/was. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/29 "2006-06-28T22:57:49Z")
Apt name, mate. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/30 "2006-06-28T23:00:17Z")
42 M Married Straight Daily, unless my wife is in the mood. (some nights she just wants a back-rub and a foot-rub, and is too tired for more) It helps me get to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/31 "2006-06-28T23:21:36Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] Even with a word apparently missing from the third line, that was hilarious. Now all we need (besides the missing word) is a John Denver sound-alike to record it. 🙂 [/QUOTE] It should be “very good” instead of “too good”. Me and two friends were at a minor league baseball game a long time ago. (the OKC '89ers) and they played Thank God I’m a Country Boy for the 7th inning streach. We changed the words a bit. Oh and it should also be I whip it when I can, I’d suck it if I could. ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/32 "2006-06-28T23:26:27Z")
I ain’t tellin’. Oftener than I do autopsies. Quicker, too. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/33 "2006-06-28T23:32:51Z")
Male, 40, single. Daily, sometimes twice daily. And I want to share this. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/34 "2006-06-28T23:34:13Z")
Female, twenty-seven, single, bisexual. I do it at least once a day, and more often on special occasions. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/35 "2006-06-28T23:39:33Z")
Man, you had me scared for a minute. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/36 "2006-06-28T23:46:00Z")
[QUOTE=fetus] Man, you had me scared for a minute. [/QUOTE] Who had you scared? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/37 "2006-06-28T23:53:52Z")
The only euphemism I like is “dialing O” no pink telephone tacked on, however…people get the point already. 29 F single straight About 4 times a week on average - but that includes some weeks of not at all and some of more often. While we’re already in TMI, do any other gals find themselves more inclined just prior to their periods? I know it’s pretty common, but fairly useless if the idea is to make women want to propagate the species - it should be when you’re ovulating! As a PMS indicator, it’s pretty good however. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2006, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/38 "2006-06-28T23:57:03Z")
I do. Around that time, I get crazy horny. It’s almost funny. But not quite. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/39 "2006-06-29T00:00:13Z")
I’d like to steal my favorite reply from a [previous thread on the subject.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=324175&highlight=masturbate) [QUOTE=Tentacle Monster] I beat my dick like it owes me money. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533/40 "2006-06-29T00:02:00Z")
Oh and as for me, once or twice daily. Male 41 Single (sigh) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-masturbate/362533.md?page=3)