# How often do you talk to strangers? Do you like it when they talk to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 16, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431 "2013-08-16T17:12:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/41 "2013-08-17T02:45:48Z")
I feel talking is more comfortable than not talking. In an airplane situation, I always say “hello neighbor”. It is easy to ascertain if they want to talk, or not. But at least I feel they realize I am not a threat. If I am tired, I blow up my pillow and put in my earphones. But normally I prefer to talk. I have learned a lot, and have enjoyed the conversation. However, if the seat mate is a republican, I grab the ear phones. ---
**Author:** ![agnesnitt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d78d45/32.png) [@agnesnitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agnesnitt)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/42 "2013-08-17T03:07:37Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Depends on the stranger. (Old people are great for this) > . I am that old person. Thank you. I talk to adult strangers all the time usually in lines. I compliment the women on their jewelry, hair or makeup. I ask the men (I’m of the age where I can call men ‘dear’) some question about what’s happening around us. I can usually make people smile and laugh. I never talk to kids and teenagers. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/43 "2013-08-17T03:11:29Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > People who approach me are either asking for directions or crazy. Oh, don’t be silly. One doesn’t exclude the other. ---
**Author:** ![staili](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@staili](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/staili)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/44 "2013-08-17T03:13:39Z")
I only do so if we are having a shared experience rather than happening to be next to each other – for instance, I’m much more likely to do it at the intermission of a really intense play than on a commuter train or an airplane. But if the plane gets massively delayed, then we’re having a shared experience and I might make some commiserating remark to a fellow passenger. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/45 "2013-08-17T03:45:07Z")
It depends on my mood, and how chatty I feel that day. Generally, I enjoy talking to strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/46 "2013-08-17T05:14:45Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > All the time. In the supermarket queue I will often talk to the people in front of or behind me. Say the woman in front has a whole lot of kids party provisions, I’ll ask about whose party it is. Sometimes I’ll have a guess at what people are intending to cook with what they bought. I usually chat with whoever is on the checkout. > > On 2 of my most recent train trips I have struck up conversations with the stranger I sat next to about the book they were reading. Pretty much anywhere I am I will strike up a conversation about anything that seems interesting, much like I would with family, friends or workmates. It is very, very rarely that I don’t get a positive response. Most people are happy to engage in a convivial conversation, so much so that sometimes I end up wishing I hadn’t started one. I love the mismatch between your post and your username. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/47 "2013-08-17T05:16:59Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Oh, don’t be silly. One doesn’t exclude the other. So true, and I’m always wary, but so far that’s been the case. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/48 "2013-08-17T13:40:17Z")
I was terribly shy when I was younger. The years when you date and meet people. It sucked. Now that I’m older, married and very happy in life I have lost that shyness. Though I am general pretty reserved, at a party or something, I have no problem starting up a conversation. Just the other day, I was being helped by a clerk in a store and I commented on how cool I thought her glasses where. They really where quite striking, and where just right for her. It turns out that she had just bought them that day and she seemed very happy that I commented on them. I think I kinda made her day. I have been in the store since, she remembered me, and my name. That’s nice. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/49 "2013-08-17T14:07:22Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Good God, it drives me insane! I am a paraplegic and as such, I am _constantly_ approached (sometimes _much_ too closely) by strangers who feel that I must be having a hard time doing whatever it is that I am doing-simply because I am disabled-and asked if I need some help. Many times, it is quite difficult to successfully decline this help without resorting to somewhat rude and/or aggressive behavior because the “Good Samaritan” offering the help mistakenly believes that I am only declining the “help” either out of a misplaced sense of pride or because I was trying to be nice, so they hand-wave away my refusals. > > This, and many times I will be approached by strangers who feel it necessary to share their personal experiences with injury and/or tragedy, whether it be with themselves personally or (as is much more common) with the person that they know who has experienced it directly; like their great-uncle’s second cousin, who broke his hip back in '78 and used a wheelchair for three months. :rolleyes: People just stop me to tell me about these things, to show me that they “feel my pain” (actual words used by a guy who stopped me in Meijer to tell me about how he broke a few ribs and _both_ knees back in the '80s). > > So, while _I_ don’t talk to strangers for shit, _they_ sure fucking like talking to me!! :mad: And I attract some goddamn weirdos I tell ya. I’m sure that sucks, and that you are very capable of taking care of yourself. But if you did seem to need some help, would you be insulted if a stranger offered it? I was at a music fest last year when I noticed a woman in a chair having a hard time negotiating a gravel path. Her wheels where spinning. She was not in any real distress but I offered “Do you need a boost?” She gladly accepted and I pushed her the final 10 feet or so. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/50 "2013-08-17T14:14:38Z")
1% of the time. I don’t even like talking to people I know. I am embarrassingly terrible at small talk, and looking like a creepy weird guy certainly doesn’t help. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/51 "2013-08-17T14:14:38Z")
Being shy as a kid also, I found forcing myself to start / make conversation helped me break past the bad habits of shutting down around people who I didn’t know but who wanted to speak with me. Its a way to break past the fear of public speaking. In a way, its very liberating. ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/52 "2013-08-17T15:55:44Z")
I actually feel more kindly disposed toward someone who doesn’t speak to me AT ALL on the plane. My gut sinks if I get a chatty person sitting next to me. Kill me now… I don’t attempt to have conversations with people; if I think of something wry to say I will toss it out and smile, but then I snap shut like a clam. Probably explains why I am still single. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/53 "2013-08-17T16:09:52Z")
I do it on the regular. It’s a good way to make friends. Sometimes, when I’m nice to cashiers they hook me up with free shit. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/54 "2013-08-17T17:54:08Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > I do it on the regular. It’s a good way to make friends. Not with me. ---
**Author:** ![catnoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@catnoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catnoe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/55 "2013-08-18T05:51:20Z")
A couple of folks have mentioned complimenting or commenting to strangers about their appearance or something they are wearing. I work in a garden center and see a lot of regular customers, sometimes I learn their names over time and even bits of their life stories. Other time I see someone who seems sad/depressed/preoccupied/ or just lonely and feel compelled to speak to them. Sometimes it’s nothing more than complimenting them on their hair or glasses. Telling them the color of their shirt looks great on them. Speaking to them let’s them know, if needed, that they are not invisible. Or maybe breaks them out of whatever is in their head that is bringing them down. Who doesn’t want to be noticed or complimented? Usually the comment or compliment is a stand alone thing, other times it leads to a conversation the person needed if nothing more than to ‘vent’ or tell someone else how they feel. Most folks appreciate a friendly voice or smile even if it comes from a stranger. Of course I talk to anyone anywhere… grocery store, bookstore, walking down the street, in the restroom. Mom was forever saying that I had ‘never met a stranger’. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/56 "2013-08-18T06:29:02Z")
When I’m with my best friend, we will sometimes crack jokes with a stranger or say something to a stranger because we are actually trying to make each other laugh, and the poor sap of a stranger is just a pawn in our game. Sometimes, they will come right back at us and play along, and sometimes they just look at us weirdly. When I’m alone, I never initiate conversation with a stranger, and I try to keep headphones on or a book on the subway. Never want to talk on a plane, or any other place where I am a captive audience. Other than that, I don’t mind if a stranger engages me, and I quite like it. Again, not when I’m eating or reading, but if I’m out and about without my headphones on, I get a kick out of random strangers engaging me. I recently went to go see The Great Gatsby and when I came out of the theater, a very sophisticated, wealthy looking woman turned to me and started analyzing the film. She was going into great depth about symbolism, and layers and the book, and the actors. She asked me a lot of questions about how I felt about the film. I spoke with her in the lobby for a good 10 minutes before her impatient friends dragged her off. I loved it. Before I moved to NYC I used to initiate conversation for only one thing… cute shoes. Now, in New York, I don’t even bother with that. Everyone has cute shoes, and they already know it. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/57 "2013-08-18T06:34:00Z")
I’m not very social, I find group situations awkward, and I find it hard to initiate or join conversations. But because I feel like that, I often make an effort to engage someone I don’t know who may also feel like that. I do this at the gym, saying “hi” to people who are new - I did this a few years ago when a woman joined a class, and we chatted. We also met in a few social events round the village. Then, during a post-gym chat I mentioned I was off to play at a pub open mic night - she said she had been learning bass, and would come along. 4 years later, we are not close friends, but she is someone I can always rely on as someone who cares, and we still get together to play music occasionally (the open mic night having ended). I consider that a real success of the “talk to strangers” approach. In a different vein, last week I was at another open mic night in the next village. I knew one other couple, and they had friends of their own. I heard the guy next to me ask the barman if the performers were local to the village, in a broad Aussie accent (I’m a kiwi). I turned and said “I’m from the next village over, so not quite local. You, on the other hand, are clearly not. What brings you to Botley?”. We then chatted for a couple of hours, he was in Europe on a rapid business trip, and had just walked into the pub from his hotel. I hope he felt welcome, and had a good time. I enjoyed talking to him, and it was worth the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Snerky\_Snerk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Snerky\_Snerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snerky_Snerk)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/58 "2013-08-18T11:03:47Z")
I try to avoid talking to strangers, as I always seem to end up in stupid situations. Some examples: - A taxi driver picked me up. There was a bit of small talk, including him asking if I was married. I said no. A few weeks later I caught a taxi again. Same driver. He tells me he has arranged my marriage, I just have to meet the family for final approval. And I would need to convert to Islam. What. The. Fuck?! How did I end up with an arranged marriage and a religious conversion? Talking to strangers. - So I bought a car to avoid strange taxi drivers. One day I stop at a gas station, and this lady starts talking to me. I’m 95 percent certain she was a guy in a dress. I had never met a man dressed like a lady before, so the situation was new for me. Do I not mention it? I was a little confused. She asks for a lift home. Ok. We get to her house, pull up in the driveway, and 2 huge guys in mini dresses come running out of the house and make themselves at home on the back seat. Then their big dogs run over and jump in as well. There was so much squealing, and barking, and dog spit flying around, I just rested my head on the steering wheel and felt like crying. What. The. Fuck?! How did I end up with my car full of cross dressers and giant slobbering dogs? Talking to strangers. - One day I was walking, about to cross the street, and a car screeches to a stop in front of me. 3 dudes jump out. The driver says hello and asks me what I’m up to. I say, ‘Not much.’. He asks if I want to go to a party. I shrug, ‘Sure, whatever.’ I get in the car, and we drive off to an isolated industrial park. They take me into one of the buildings. Oh, hell no. It was a Potters House church meeting. What. The. Fuck?! For 3 hours I was trapped, nibbling on tiny cheese sandwiches, sipping tea, and thanking Jesus. Why? Talking to strangers. Actually, I’m probably lucky that I only meet nice strangers. If I ever meet a serial killer, I’d probably be the easiest victim they ever had. I’m a bit surprised I haven’t ended up dead in ditch somewhere. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/59 "2013-08-18T15:04:01Z")
For those who do talk to strangers, please learn the signs that the person you are chatting to doesn’t want talk. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431/60 "2013-08-18T15:21:37Z")
> [@Snerky\_Snerk](#): > > I’m a bit surprised I haven’t ended up dead in ditch somewhere. Yet. Well if that happens, let us know. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-often-do-you-talk-to-strangers-do-you-like-it-when-they-talk-to-you/666431.md?page=4)