# How old is too old to still be a virgin **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208 "2010-08-05T00:48:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/41 "2010-08-05T11:09:32Z")
If you don’t want to have sex and you haven’t had it by the age of 30, I think there’s a strong chance that you are asexual (which has nothing to do with how good a friend you are, or whether or not you want a romantic relationship). Asexuality is not necessarily a good or bad thing, nor is it shameful or disgusting. It just is. Just like homosexuality just is. Most people who are asexual are perfectly fine with it…or least, once they get away from all their sex-hungry peers–become perfectly fine with it. If you want to have sex and haven’t been able to obtain it by 25 (or get mighty close to it), then I imagine yours would be an frustrating existence. So I could see this being a bad thing. But again, nothing that would signify that a person is sick, shameful, or a loser. IMHO, it’s about what the individual wants and what they’re ready for, not some arbitrary standard set by the “cool” kids who all got their cherries popped in middle school and think that’s perfectly normal. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/42 "2010-08-05T12:07:39Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Is there really some fundamental, mystical difference between someone who’s had sex and someone who hasn’t? Only that it seems to be a bigger issue for those that haven’t had it compared to those tha have. Really, 20 years after losing it, it really isn’t that big a deal. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/43 "2010-08-05T12:53:19Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > > > Is there really some fundamental, mystical difference between someone who’s had sex and someone who hasn’t? > > Only that it seems to be a bigger issue for those that haven’t had it compared to those tha have. **Really, 20 years after losing it, it really isn’t that big a deal**. If you’ve only done it\* once\*, 20 years ago, I get your drift.. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/44 "2010-08-05T13:05:26Z")
> [@Lobot](#): > > Out of curiosity, is your friend’s name [Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQW2t4SxvJ0)? Well, let’s just call her Lisa S. No, wait, that’s too obvious. L. Simpson. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/45 "2010-08-05T13:11:43Z")
> [@neuroman](#): > > If you haven’t lost your virginity by ~25, you have some minor issues. If you haven’t lost it by 30, you have some major issues. If you haven’t lost it by 40, Steve Carrell would like to talk to you about a movie treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/46 "2010-08-05T13:25:23Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Sometimes I wonder if we’d be better off without the word “virgin.” After all, most men no longer require physical proof that no one else has broken the seal on their bride’s packaging. Is there really some fundamental, mystical difference between someone who’s had sex and someone who hasn’t? Society today - at least internet society - is mostly concerned with _male_ virgins. That Steve Carell flick wouldn’t have been made with Tina Fey. The word virgin implies youth and femininity. We have a need to infantilize and feminize men who don’t make the sexual rite of passage, so the word is useful. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/47 "2010-08-05T13:47:29Z")
1. After that, go out and get laid. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/48 "2010-08-05T14:01:02Z")
I was confident, reasonably attractive, dated quite a bit, and was a virgin (by choice) well into my 20’s. Part of it (ok most of it) was my religious upbringing. But I wasn’t repressed nor was anything “wrong” and I don’t regret waiting that long. It’s different for every person and there is no age that’s “too old.” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/49 "2010-08-05T14:09:33Z")
It depends on the reasons, I suppose. And what you plan to do with the relationship. If you just haven’t had sex because you haven’t had the opportunity (say, you live in a country where you had no chance, or some similar reason) that’s one thing. If you haven’t had sex because you want it to be beautiful and special and wonderful, I find that rather putting it on a pedestal and that would make me shy away from you. If you haven’t had it for religious reasons you will see my dust as I run out of there as fast as I possibly can. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/50 "2010-08-05T14:20:13Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > There is no age that is too old, in the sense that there is no legal or medical reason to lose your virginity before a certain age. > > I myself lost my virginity much, much later than most men: I was over 30. I won’t get into the reasons why, except to say that there were many circumstances behind that fact. > > I’m now 48, and have had plenty of sex since losing my virginity, and in fact I’ve now been happily married for almost four years. So I would say that my late sexual start hasn’t affected my sex life at all – except that it obviously started later than most. > [@Nava](#): > > Depends on the person. I was a 29yo virgin, was not a 30yo virgin, neither one killed me (I wanted to have sex, but it had to be a threesome including Lt. Condom - no condom, no sex, and having the guy refuse to wear one just brought me out of the mood completely, so by the time they realized I was serious and wanted to go buy one, I was saying “forget it, dude”). My cousin, also female, did it for the first time at 15 on a sort of dare, disliked the experience intensely (“I hope it’s true what they say that it gets better with time, cos boy that sucked”) and did it for the second time at 25. We’re both the same age and grew up with teen mags yelling that “girls are doing it before 16!!!” as if it was some sort of social obligation (hence why the dare, she was to do it before 16) - now the same mags are yelling that “girls are doing it at 13!!!”… Exactly. You don’t want to end up like these weirdos.😉 There may not be legal or medical reasons, but there are strong social reasons. With the Internet, I imagine that it’s pretty easy these days for kids to end up as 30 year old virgins. I remember seeing kids in college (like 20 years ago) who spent all their time locked in their rooms playing on the computer. And that was before Everquest and WoW and even the Internet as we know it. Back then, sheer boredom would force even the most withdrawn kid out of his room every once and awhile. These days, they can spend weeks holed up in their own little world. And time online is time not spent out socializing, meeting (real) people and possibly getting laid. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/51 "2010-08-05T14:20:21Z")
The correct answer is, of course, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/52 "2010-08-05T14:21:23Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > It depends on the reasons, I suppose. And what you plan to do with the relationship. If you just haven’t had sex because you haven’t had the opportunity (say, you live in a country where you had no chance, or some similar reason) that’s one thing. I’m sure there’s vagina in every country on the planet. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The correct answer is, of course, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Unless you ask a public message board. Then you made it our business. If it wasn’t an issue, why get so “ALL CAPS” about it? ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/53 "2010-08-05T14:22:19Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Well, apparently that the word itself, when held by a female, is great for scaring dudes away while attracting others (mind you, I always found this second subset extremely skeevy). A magic word indeed. What?! Oh, come on now, I don’t believe the second part for a second! Sure, some guys may be scared off by the word. But others _ **attracted** _?! You’re saying there’s some kind of “virgin fetish” out there? _ **You’ve got to be kidding right?** _ * * * Oh, uh, Nava, BTW, would any of your other female friends still be virgins? Is there… uh… any chance you could help me connect with them? Pretty please? 😉 – Oh! I mean, is there any chance you could help make the connections with this, uh… **friend of mine**?? 😃 - “Skeevy Stevie” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/54 "2010-08-05T14:36:10Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > > [@Anaamika](#): > > > > It depends on the reasons, I suppose. And what you plan to do with the relationship. If you just haven’t had sex because you haven’t had the opportunity (say, you live in a country where you had no chance, or some similar reason) that’s one thing. > > I’m sure there’s vagina in every country on the planet. It isn’t always that easy just to get ass. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/55 "2010-08-05T14:36:11Z")
My son is 16. I think his answer to this question would be “17”. I think. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/56 "2010-08-05T14:51:14Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The correct answer is, of course, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS Au contraire madame. If you’re male, it’s _everybody’s_ business. They ought to put it on the fucking Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. It ought to cost a man $20,000 in annual salary or 20 IQ points, whichever is the more traumatic. It’s undermining _the very foundation of American masculinity, goddammit._ Right along with the lack of universal basic training. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/57 "2010-08-05T15:44:00Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > > > The correct answer is, of course, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS > > Au contraire madame. If you’re male, it’s _everybody’s_ business. They ought to put it on the fucking Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory. It ought to cost a man $20,000 in annual salary or 20 IQ points, whichever is the more traumatic. > > It’s undermining _the very foundation of American masculinity, goddammit._ Right along with the lack of universal basic training. Sure feels that way sometimes, doesn’t it? I feel like I ought to go get a hooker on my lunch break. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/58 "2010-08-05T16:07:15Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > … but it had to be a threesome including Lt. Condom … Those military guys get all the action. ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/59 "2010-08-05T20:19:07Z")
also my friend has never had a girlfriend. what is the secret to wooing girls? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/60 "2010-08-05T20:21:13Z")
Don’t use the word wooing, for a start. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208.md?page=4)