# How old is too old to still be a virgin **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208 "2010-08-05T00:48:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/81 "2010-08-06T05:48:08Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Mid-20s, and I found [a cite](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_celibacy)! > > “Also, in most Westernized societies there is the additional social pressure for people in their mid-twenties to have experienced sexual interaction in some form of or another ; thus, if the person has no such experience while all of his or her peers do, the condition more often than not results in a significant increase of depression, anxiety and sexual frustration.[1]” > > The reference: Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis D. Donnelly, E. Burgess, S. Anderson, R. Curry, J. Dillard, Journal of Sex Research 38(2), S. 159-169. (2001) (accessed December 14, 2006) What point is the cite intended to support? It’s patently obvious there’s huge social pressure and expectation for people to have sex their early 20s or earlier. We see it right here in this thread, as well as the previous couple we’ve had recently. It’s _because_ of that pressure that the anxiety and frustration arises, not because of some innate problem with not having sex by then. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/82 "2010-08-06T08:16:33Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > > [@monstro](#): > > > > If you don’t want to have sex and you haven’t had it by the age of 30, I think there’s a strong chance that you are asexual (which has nothing to do with how good a friend you are, or whether or not you want a romantic relationship). Asexuality is not necessarily a good or bad thing, nor is it shameful or disgusting. It just is. Just like homosexuality just is. Most people who are asexual are perfectly fine with it…or least, once they get away from all their sex-hungry peers–become perfectly fine with it. > > > > If you want to have sex and haven’t been able to obtain it by 25 (or get mighty close to it), then I imagine yours would be an frustrating existence. So I could see this being a bad thing. But again, nothing that would signify that a person is sick, shameful, or a loser. > > > > IMHO, it’s about what the individual wants and what they’re ready for, not some arbitrary standard set by the “cool” kids who all got their cherries popped in middle school and think that’s perfectly normal. > > +100 > > If you don’t feel like having sex, then don’t have it. If an oversexed society doesn’t like it, you can tell society to, uh, oversex itself. Exactly. I’ve never heard of a single case where having sex has helped someone achieve their hopes and dreams or what they wanted in life. I can personally attest to plenty where sex and it’s consequences have ruined them. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/83 "2010-08-06T13:10:31Z")
> [@Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](#): > > A guy who works with me is a virgin at 48, he once said that the idea of a woman putting her tongue in his mouth is disgusting I don’t know that that’s got anything to do with virginity–I used to know a girl who would suck a dick that had been in someone else’s ass but thought passing a piece of candy back and forth while kissing was utterly disgusting and unsanitary. Because of the spit and germs. Never mind that it’s all the same spit and germs someone had on their tongue, it’s still simply foul. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/84 "2010-08-06T13:40:28Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > What point is the cite intended to support? It’s patently obvious there’s huge social pressure and expectation for people to have sex their early 20s or earlier. We see it right here in this thread, as well as the previous couple we’ve had recently. It’s _because_ of that pressure that the anxiety and frustration arises, not because of some innate problem with not having sex by then. I disagree. It is natural in any other animal species to start pursuing sexual interaction pretty much as soon as adolescence begins. Humans aren’t any different though we have attached a lot of cultural baggage to sex over time. In more agrarian societies it is common for people to marry in their mid teens and begin families. In the west this starts later due to a number of causes. Either way it is obvious that for almost all people the drive to have sex begins somewhere around 12/13 and increases quite a bit until adulthood. I think that it’s more our stigmas attached to having sex rather than pressure TO have it, (which is only natural) that causes the issue. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/85 "2010-08-06T13:44:20Z")
Nononono, shutup all of you, none of whatever you are saying is important. I want to know, nay, I need to know, how the FUCK does **Fastidiots** lift a cinder block with his tongue? ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Skinley_Von_Clipper)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/86 "2010-08-06T13:47:34Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > > [@Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](#): > > > > A guy who works with me is a virgin at 48,… > > How on earth did you find this out? He told me, he is not at all bothered about it and is happy to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Skinley_Von_Clipper)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/87 "2010-08-06T13:50:01Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > > [@Baron\_Skinley\_Von\_Clipper](#): > > > > A guy who works with me is a virgin at 48, he once said that the idea of a woman putting her tongue in his mouth is disgusting > > I don’t know that that’s got anything to do with virginity–I used to know a girl who would suck a dick that had been in someone else’s ass but thought passing a piece of candy back and forth while kissing was utterly disgusting and unsanitary. Because of the spit and germs. Never mind that it’s all the same spit and germs someone had on their tongue, it’s still simply foul. The fact that he finds kissing disgusting doesn’t have anything to do with virginity, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/88 "2010-08-06T14:05:58Z")
> [@Cyberhwk](#): > > I’ve never heard of a single case where having sex has helped someone achieve their hopes and dreams or what they wanted in life. I can personally attest to plenty where sex and it’s consequences have ruined them. How about their hopes and dreams of not dying alone surrounded by their action figure collection? Most people tend to want to meet someone, fall in love, maybe even eventually get married and raise a family. At the very least, they tend to want to fulfill a basic biological desire to have sex. Can’t do a lot of these things if you are a virgin. Being a virgin at an advanced age is typically an indicator of many issues - poor socialization, isolation, lack of maturity, lack of assertiveness, excessive anxiety, lack of confidence and other emotional or psychological issues. Especially since pretty much even most of the biggest nerds, dorks, jerkoffs and whathaveyou I knew in high school and college have had sex and many are married with kids by now. It begs the question, what the heck were you doing in your teens and twenties while the rest of the world was trying to get laid? > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > –I used to know a girl who would suck a dick that had been in someone else’s ass… Another “friend”?😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/89 "2010-08-06T15:13:51Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It begs the question, what the heck were you doing in your teens and twenties while the rest of the world was trying to get laid? Asking the question is fine, but the strong implication in this thread is that there’s no satisfactory kind of answer. Don’t have sex by your early 20s? You’re a freak. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/90 "2010-08-06T15:37:54Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It begs the question, what the heck were you doing in your teens and twenties while the rest of the world was trying to get laid? Learning to use the phrase “begs the question” properly, evidently. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/91 "2010-08-06T15:39:51Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > It begs the question, what the heck were you doing in your teens and twenties while the rest of the world was trying to get laid? In my case: Studying physics at a (practically) all-male college. Not only was I a nerd, not only was I extremely shy, but there were very few women in my daily life. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/92 "2010-08-06T15:42:26Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > Learning to use the phrase “begs the question” properly, evidently. Bollocks. The “proper” use of “begs the question” makes no sense, while the improper one is nothing but sensible. …Oh crap, now I know what I was doing those early years. I was arguing linguistics. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/93 "2010-08-06T15:57:54Z")
I’m still pondering the “how old is too old…” My 96-year-old great grandmother was a virgin. At some point. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/94 "2010-08-06T15:59:22Z")
…AND I know someone at 48 who’s a virgin. Again. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/95 "2010-08-06T16:07:16Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > > [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > > > Learning to use the phrase “begs the question” properly, evidently. > > Bollocks. The “proper” use of “begs the question” makes no sense, while the improper one is nothing but sensible. > > …Oh crap, now I know what I was doing those early years. I was arguing linguistics. Meh. The proper use has an actual meaning in a specialized context. It’s clunky, but wtf it’s jargon. The improper use makes no grammatical sense, as compared to “raises the question.” ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/96 "2010-08-06T16:10:59Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > why would I make up an imaginary friend? Because it’s the only way you can? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/97 "2010-08-06T16:16:18Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > > [@msmith537](#): > > > > It begs the question, what the heck were you doing in your teens and twenties while the rest of the world was trying to get laid? > > Learning to use the phrase “begs the question” properly, evidently. It’s perfectly acceptable and common usage to use the term “begs the question” as a synonym for “to raise the question”. Your sad attempt to grammarsmith ads nothing to the dicussion and only makes you look like a pedantic jerk. > [@Bosstone](#): > > Asking the question is fine, but the strong implication in this thread is that there’s no satisfactory kind of answer. Don’t have sex by your early 20s? You’re a freak. If by “freak” you mean “suffering from personality or behavioral issues that are preventing you from living the life you want to live to the fullest”, then yes. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/98 "2010-08-06T16:17:23Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > If by “freak” you mean “suffering from personality or behavioral issues that are preventing you from living the life you want to live to the fullest”, then yes. “And therefore it’s okay to judge you for it.” That’s the vibe I keep getting off these threads. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/99 "2010-08-06T16:35:53Z")
I know someone who refers to himself as a freak because his father is French and his mother is Greek. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208/100 "2010-08-06T16:53:02Z")
> [@Cyberhwk](#): > > Exactly. > > I’ve never heard of a single case where having sex has helped someone achieve their hopes and dreams or what they wanted in life. I can personally attest to plenty where sex and it’s consequences have ruined them. Really? Because I think at some point in their life most people, myself included, hope and dream of becoming parents. Which usually involves sex. Also, pair bonding and cementing long-term relationships usually involve sex too. Most folks also hope and dream about that too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-old-is-too-old-to-still-be-a-virgin/549208.md?page=6)