# How patient are you with strangers who want to talk when you don't? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 19, 2014, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197 "2014-01-19T07:42:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/41 "2014-01-22T16:28:34Z")
Depends if I am in uniform. People tend to want to chat when I am in uniform, I look very approachable, and since I take representing my country and service seriously, I try to put on a good face. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/42 "2014-01-24T13:16:33Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Inspired by an incident with just such a person. It also reminded me of some indie comic book in which the main character gets a negative reaction in such a situation (he’s the one talking to someone else), and gets snippy, along the lines of “well, excuse me for trying to engage in basic human social interaction!” (I don’t remember how, but basically “shaming” the other party for being rude and antisocial for not wanting to listen to him; I wouldn’t be surprised if this was meant to be hypocritical and/or ironic). > > How do you deal? How open are you to engaging with complete strangers, assuming you’re in a setting and mood where you don’t particularly want to engage? Some people just feel it’s awkward to have silence even amongst strangers and want to fill up the space with meaningless drivel. I try to avoid these people or even move away from them. If they talk to me, I try not to look interested or responsive. When traveling I bring a book or use the laptop and that usually helps out. One day we were at a department store clothes shopping for me. I’m waiting for an open booth in the fitting room and there is this guy standing there waiting too. I overheard him, he was very chatty with everyone talking about the wedding he was attending which I assume is why he was getting a suit. We both stand there silent for the longest time it seems and he all the sudden speaks and says, “These computers…” just then my wife appeared and called me to come over to look at something. I said, “Excuse me” and left. Wow, she really rescued me. “These computers…” I can only imagine the following blather that was about to be omitted from his mouth. Likely complaining to me about a work station he has to deal with or how he got a mistaken bill in the postal mail. None of which would interest me to talk about. So from experience, I try not to talk to strangers in those situations because it’s totally a forced conversation and I hate those. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/43 "2014-01-24T13:44:08Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > It just depends how they strike me. I am open to a good conversation most of the time. If they are boring me I find a way to move or sometime rudely ignore them if they don’t get the hint. That’s my approach too. If they deprive me of my solitude, I expect them to not bore the shit out of me in return. If they do bore me, I’m pretty damned impatient. If they don’t, then patience is beside the point, because I’m enjoying the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/44 "2014-01-24T13:47:19Z")
Fairly patient. I don’t really care to talk, but I know that somewhere out there, my grandmother is boring the tits off someone and I hope they are kind to her. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/45 "2014-01-24T13:48:13Z")
Mm. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/46 "2014-01-25T12:09:02Z")
Externally: You’d think I love it, I’m so polite. Internally: I’m wishing them fire and perdition. I usually hate talking to most people, not because I’m shy, but, rather, because they usually talk about stuff that only bores me. I have limited interests, and they are usually not shared by others. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/47 "2014-01-25T14:56:39Z")
I’m nice, but direct. I’ll interrupt and say, “Hi. I’m just not interested in talking right now. Good day.” No means no. Its neither mean nor cruel to say no; its just no. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/48 "2014-01-25T16:23:26Z")
I have no where to eat my lunch but my office. It does bug me when someone comes in, sees me eating and starts a conversation. Be it about work or BS. “Hey, my food is getting cold here”. I mostly ignore it. But it does bug me. I’m talking about you Suzanne. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/49 "2014-01-26T00:53:24Z")
I would have to evaluate each case on its merits, thus: –Is this person potentially dangerous? –Is he/she drunk/drugged/lunatic? –Have I already said anything? Do I have any reading matter that is visible? (If not, I can silence this bore by speaking in another language.) –Is he/she a crackpot or a Limbaugh Republican? (I don’t have time for either of these and would squirm or resist to get away.) –Is this an evangelist who starts out with something like “Jesus loves you”? If so, I would say that I can, and will, determine this without his assistance; and if he persists or follows me I will take out my cell phone and warn him that I can call for building security, or the police, whichever seems advisable–without being belligerent. I look and sound belligerent enough as it is.) ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/50 "2014-01-26T02:06:02Z")
Way too patient. I have to remember that I am not obliged to listen to someone’s monologue of brag. I was on the Morristown trolley and got roped into a “look at me, I’m wonderful” shpiel. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/51 "2014-01-26T02:20:55Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > –Have I already said anything? Do I have any reading matter that is visible? (If not, I can silence this bore by speaking in another language.) Be careful with this one. I would recommend against the more popular European languages and Russian. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2014, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197/52 "2014-01-26T04:43:04Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Be careful with this one. I would recommend against the more popular European languages and Russian. I can always try Esperanto. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-patient-are-you-with-strangers-who-want-to-talk-when-you-dont/679197.md?page=2)