# How Porn Movies Have Ruined My Life **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 14, 2000, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155 "2000-11-14T14:59:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/41 "2000-11-14T19:46:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*This sort of misrepresentation really chafes my crank. \*\* Have you considered the possibility that you don’t get any _because_ of your chafed crank? You know they sell creams for that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/42 "2000-11-14T19:56:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Have you considered the possibility that you don’t get any _because_ of your chafed crank? You know they sell creams for that sort of thing. \*\* Whoa whoa whoa WHOA!!! Who said I wasn’t getting any? I get plenty, thankyouverymuch. (And thanks to my GF too) [sub]So, uh, where can I get some of that cream?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/43 "2000-11-14T20:30:53Z")
Well, the last time I needed that cream myself, I just visited my doctor. He had me strip down and wait in an examination room. Then Candy, his beautiful blonde nurse, came in with her friend Tonya, the aerobics instructor … _bom chicka BOM bom_ ---
**Author:** ![scratch1300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@scratch1300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch1300)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/44 "2000-11-14T20:51:48Z")
Beware! Too much cream will render **Frog** _un_Crunchy. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/45 "2000-11-14T21:19:44Z")
Hey, any ladies care to help with the application of this anti-chafing cream? Anyone? [sub]Anyone at all?[/sub] Yep, that proves it. All porn is bullshit. In a porn movie, women would be all over that opportunity for lovin’. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/46 "2000-11-14T21:43:55Z")
Well, gay porn has ruined **my** life: 1. My football coach wasn’t a blonde bodybuilder, and he never soaped me down in the shower. 2. I’ve never had a muscled cop take a hummer to let me off a traffic ticket. 3. Telephone linemen don’t offer sex just out of the blue. 4. Ditto lifeguards. 5. My straight friend has never come on to me after arguing with his girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/47 "2000-11-14T21:47:53Z")
This kind of stuff happens to me all the time! Why just the other day the door-to-door vibrator salesman interrupted my college professor while he was giving me an oral exam. ---
**Author:** ![SkySlash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@SkySlash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkySlash)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/48 "2000-11-14T22:20:54Z")
Mommy WOW! You’re a biggirl now! -SS :eek: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/49 "2000-11-14T22:55:30Z")
Yeup, it’s true. My twin sister opened the door. She was all giddy from drinking champagne in the hot tub. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/50 "2000-11-14T22:58:10Z")
Maurice Ravel’s **Bolero** is the best thing ever. If you do not recognize the name you can be sure you’d recognize the music. It starts with a very deliberate tempo which _very_ slowly builds up in crescendo to a final apotheosic finale. It probably lasts close to 20 minutes and is the perfect piece to set the tempo. I recommend it to all premature ejeculators out there. ---
**Author:** ![hypergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/49beb7/32.png) [@hypergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hypergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2000, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/51 "2000-11-15T03:41:55Z")
The music that I associate with sex is Knights In White Satin. Never ever try to hve sex while listening to Eminem, it just doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2000, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/52 "2000-11-15T05:30:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hypergirl \* > \*\*Never ever try to have sex while listening to Eminem, it just doesn’t work. \*\* [shocked] I wouldn’t ever consider trying that! [/shocked] ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2000, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/53 "2000-11-15T09:07:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > > 1.Not once have I gotten a hummer as part of a job interview. > > 2.None of my female neighbors have popped by to model their new lingerie for me > > 3.Not one of my girlfriends has brought one of her girlfriends home to “try something new.” Never. This one really irritates me. > > 4.None of my female co-workers are up for a quickie in the storage room. > > 5.For years I had an inferiority complex until I learned those guys in the movies - that’s not your average size. > > \*\* 1.I have recieved several, perhaps many BJ’s during job interviews. 2. I had several models drop by "to show off their new sexy outfits’. 3. Twice did have the girlfreind invite her girlfreind in, and yes, it is fun. 4. Would the bathroom count? To explain: I mananaged, then owned, a modeling studio in Hollywood during the 70’s. You would not BElieve the stuff that went on. I’m dead serious. So, the problem is- you’re just not living in Hollywood in the 1970’s- when so many of these were made, and so many of the cliches came into play. 1. As to the last one- really, I thought those guys were about average? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2000, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/54 "2000-11-15T14:17:31Z")
Great. Thanks Dan. Ok, so what’s worse: understanding that this fantasy world will never exist, or knowing that it exists but not for you. Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2000, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155/55 "2000-11-16T09:15:42Z")
No, it DID exist, but only in “pre AIDs” Hollywood. Likely before your time, anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-porn-movies-have-ruined-my-life/41155.md?page=2)