I’ll never forget the headlines the day after the Strangeways Riots. The Daily Mirror had 11 deaths occurring and The Sun had 21. There was actually one jailer who died, as a result of a heart attack due to the stress, but why let that get in the way of a good story, eh?
You can judge a paper’s readership by the difficulty of its crossword. Needless to say, The Sun’s hasn’t much clout. Having said that, reading The Sun can be quite amusing, with daft (actually sometimes quite clever) puns for headlines, as well as RANDOM capitalization in stories, just to make sure the reader absorbs the truly IMPORTANT points.
The random capitalization kind of reminds me of those protestant ministers who like to randomly lower and then raise their voice to make sure the congregation is still awake.
I’ve always wondered with crosswords; are you meant to know the answers off by heart, or can you google them? I suppose the true test is how fast you can complete them , and someone well read enough to have come across all the answers and remember them, will always be quicker, hence smarter, than a googler. Correct?
[/minor derail]
SUN SLAMMED BY IGNORANT GEEKS
Your SOARAWAY SUN has been ATTACKED by a bunch of INERNET WEIRDOS.
Boffins who peruse the “Straight Dope” messageboard declared their IGNORANCE as to the nation’s FAVOURITE NEWSPAPER.
“I have no idea what the Sun is,” said internet NERD ‘Declan’.
Declan: confused
“I feel a right proper Charlie,” he went on.
Attack
Several DWEEBS then chimed in to ATTACK the Sun.
“It may have the highest circulation figure in the land,” said ‘chowder’, “But I think it’s a load of old tosh.”
Smug: chowder
Boobs
The internet carries many pictures of SCANTILY CLAD RAMPANT LUSTY WOMEN.
Many of these INTERNET LOSERS are likely to spend time on their computers looking for pictures of women, such as JO, 23, LEICESTER.
“I look at the internet for the boobs,” said one bespectacled geek, who is unlikely ever to have TOUCHED a BREAST in his life.
“I’m not sure I like the idea of NERDS looking at pictures of me,” giggled stunner Jo, as she squeezed her 38" DD-cup into a skimpy brassiere. “But whatever gets you by!”
Paedophiles
The internet is also home to thousands of DIRTY PAEDOPHILES, who use high-tech computer equipment to search for FILTH.
Come on, where’s the bazoomers?
BZZNG!
And you were doing so well too but too many syllables. The word of choice is PAEDO. And for Dirty, read SICK.
True too true.
I failed to get Maddie into it too. Sorry.
But, but…the Daily Star is the *Official * Big Brother paper:rolleyes:
Plus they usually have bigger tits on P3, I know 'cos my son told me;)
A lot of it isn’t so much general intelligence, as familiarity with crossword puzzles themselves. Certain words like OREO, ARIA, and EPEE come up much more often than is their due, so recognizing those words will get you a long way on a puzzle. And of course, it’s OK to have a few clues that you don’t know, as long as you don’t have two that you don’t know crossing each other.
Another part of the Wikipedia article to note is that on the boycot of the paper by most of Liverpool, ever since the revolting and completely ficticious reports on Liverpool fans’ behaviour during the Hillsborough disaster. If only every other part of the country would treat all such ‘journalism’ with a similar contempt…
Your story also failed to mention illegal asylum seekers being paid £1000 a week, therefore it couldn’t have possibly been a genuine Sun article.
There must be some corollary of Gaudere’s Law to cover this.
Think the Daily Mail has collared that one. What with those damned illegal immigrants ruining house prices and bringing exotic diseases that’ll kill us all (after ruining house prices a bit more first).
Everything here sounds right, but a couple of quick points:
-
writing for the Sun is really hard, it is chock full of Oxbridge graduates, as well as those from the upper end of lesser universities.
-
it is the most expensive paper to advertise in, because of its vast readership. city boys watch if something is being advertised there, to see which companies are on the move.
-
since many city boys are basically english frat boys, they also read it in earnest.
-
its (ex?) political editor, david yelland, is incredibly respected and well-connected.
-
creepily, they seem to publish only letters that agree with the paper’s editorial line.
pdts
Well a lot of papers now have similar stories, though most seem to be based off the original sun article. (I haven’t read them all)
This article suggesting it was a mishap with a biological or chemical weapon is probably the most interesting one I’ve seen yet.
I suspect even the tits are touched up.
Ah, but we’re discussing British crosswords (“cryptics”) here, aren’t we? So far as I know, with their different grid styles, they aren’t as subject to that particular brand of crosswordese (but, on the flip side, there’s much more familiarity necessary with how the clues work).
FWIW, bubonic plague generally takes at least four days to kill if left untreated, rather than “hours” as the story claims, and is only “mostly fatal”. The more serious forms of yersina pestis infection - pneumonic plague and septicemic plague - are almost always fatal.