# How respectful of older strangers making unsolicited comments should we be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397 "2009-10-19T22:00:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/21 "2009-10-22T13:23:10Z")
It’s not so much that I don’t think the info being told me is wrong, it’s also just that it comes across as patronizing. Like, I don’t like being told what to do by a total stranger–it’s just so condescending! ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/22 "2009-10-22T13:29:59Z")
I usually hit back with a complete non sequitur and say something back that doesn’t quite make sense. Like, Think it will rain, Hows your dog, I’m driving today, etc. I get an odd look from them but it stops their advice cold. But then, I’m a Dick. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/23 "2009-10-22T13:38:18Z")
Would it have killed you to button up your coat until you got out of sight? ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/24 "2009-10-22T13:53:47Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > It’s not so much that I don’t think the info being told me is wrong, it’s also just that it comes across as patronizing. Like, I don’t like being told what to do by a total stranger–it’s just so condescending! If it was advice you were glad to get (“Don’t sit on that chair; the leg is broken.”), would you still think it was condescending? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/25 "2009-10-22T14:47:20Z")
As others have suggested: “Thanks!” ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/26 "2009-10-22T14:51:25Z")
There was an elderly Russian lady who lived in the apartment below us when Whatsit Jr. was a baby. Invariably, no matter what the weather, she would cluck and fuss at us because “that poor child need a hat!” I would always smile and nod and say, “Have a great day!” and then go on about my business. I’m sure she thought I was a crazy person, but frankly the feeling was kind of mutual. She meant well, though. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/27 "2009-10-22T14:56:42Z")
I don’t see what the age has to do with this. I would just as soon call a nosy old stranger an “old bitty” as I would a nosy teenager a “little shit.” A simple “Sure, thanks” will suffice in most cases. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/28 "2009-10-22T14:59:30Z")
Explain that they’re wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/29 "2009-10-22T17:27:43Z")
> [@Ronald\_C.Semone](#): > > If it was advice you were glad to get (“Don’t sit on that chair; the leg is broken.”), would you still think it was condescending? Well, okay, no. But I don’t know, if the advice was something like, “You might get cold if you don’t button up your coat” it would still annoy me. It’s perfectly true that I might start to feel cold but I’m not cold right now. It’s not a particularly urgent problem. Like if I smoked and someone came up to me and told me to stop because it was terrible for my health. They’d be right but they’d be incredibly rude. Anyway, I asked about old people in particular because I’ve never had a younger (or male for that matter) person try to give me unwanted advice. Plus you generally are told to respect your elders. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/30 "2009-10-22T18:31:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Anyway, I asked about old people in particular because I’ve never had a younger (or male for that matter) person try to give me unwanted advice. Sadly, “Smile!” and “Where’s your coat?!?” are equal opportunity annoyances. > [@UncleRojelio](#): > > Would it have killed you to button up your coat until you got out of sight? Not completely, but a little piece of my soul would rip away and die. How old are you, anyway? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/31 "2009-10-22T19:05:18Z")
Yeah, just politely blow them off. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/32 "2009-10-24T10:42:02Z")
I often go with my shoes untied because it is more comfortable, and I don’t give a crap. It isn’t a safety hazard because I pick up my feet when I walk (a good idea in any case) so I never have stumbled. Sometimes someone (not always old, but usually) point this out to me. I just say “I know”. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2009, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397/33 "2009-10-24T13:16:23Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > I often go with my shoes untied because it is more comfortable, and I don’t give a crap. It isn’t a safety hazard because I pick up my feet when I walk (a good idea in any case) so I never have stumbled. Sometimes someone (not always old, but usually) point this out to me. I just say “I know”. I don’t normally go around with my shoes untied, but your post reminded me of something that happened at the airport a few years back. I was flying by myself with Whatsit Jr. when he was about 3 months old. On the way off the plane, I had him in a baby sling on one shoulder, was hauling an infant carseat in the other arm, and had a large backpack on with our carry-on stuff in it. I was in the herd of people crowding towards the up escalator that led to the baggage claim area, when a very insistent middle-aged lady tapped me on the shoulder (!) and said expectantly, “Your shoe is untied.” I suppose she wanted me, in the middle of this large crowd of people, to drop everything I was carrying, including my 3-month-old, and tie my shoe right that very minute. I smiled pleasantly and said, “Oh, I had no idea. Would you like to tie it for me?” She looked at me like I was a crazy person and walked off. Whatever, lady. Don’t point out a problem if you’re not willing to help solve it! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-respectful-of-older-strangers-making-unsolicited-comments-should-we-be/514397.md?page=1)