# How rude am I?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 16, 2006, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710 "2006-07-16T05:42:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710/21 "2006-07-17T17:31:28Z")

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I just hope people don’t do the Frazier apology: “I’m sorry, Niles, it’s just that I’ve been so distracted lately…”

The mini-apology immediately followed by an explanation designed to exonerate the offender.

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**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710/22 "2006-07-17T22:50:22Z")

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I rarely say, “Oh, that’s all right,” when accepting an apology. It was certainly not all right that he did that bonehead thing or acted like an asshole. I say, “Thank you for saying that.” I have to acknowledge the effort/pain it took to apologize.

When I’m the one apologizing, if I screwed up, I’ll say so, and say that I shouldn’t have done that. I won’t say I’m sorry if I’m not, though. There’s a difference. Sometimes, I said or did something that was impolite or stupid, but I don’t regret it one bit.

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**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710/23 "2006-07-17T23:01:47Z")

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[QUOTE=AskNott]  
I rarely say, “Oh, that’s all right,” when accepting an apology. It was certainly not all right that he did that bonehead thing or acted like an asshole. I say, “Thank you for saying that.” I have to acknowledge the effort/pain it took to apologize.

[/quote]

That’s good - I like that. Canadians almost always say, “That’s okay,” or something similar when someone apologizes; that’s one of the reasons I’m feeling so odd these days - it’s outside of our comfort zone to have someone not say, “That’s okay,” when an apology is made, but I’m really not feeling that it’s okay.

> [@](#):
>
> When I’m the one apologizing, if I screwed up, I’ll say so, and say that I shouldn’t have done that. I won’t say I’m sorry if I’m not, though. There’s a difference. Sometimes, I said or did something that was impolite or stupid, but I don’t regret it one bit.

I like this, too.

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**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\
**Post date:** [July 17, 2006, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-rude-am-i/364710/24 "2006-07-17T23:03:09Z")

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[QUOTE=Rhiannon8404]  
I don’t like to say, “That’s okay,” because if they’ve had to apologize for what they did, then it certainly wasn’t “okay.”

If someone says, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize for…” I usually say, “I appreciate that” meaning I appreciate their apology. Or sometimes I just say, “Thank you”.  
[/QUOTE]

I agree here. I usually say “I appreciate that.” Acknowledges the apologizer’s contrition without implying that the original act is any less of an offense.

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