# How seriously do you take phone sex or cybersex? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173 "2010-06-22T22:35:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/1 "2010-06-22T22:35:52Z")
In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=567293), Shot From Guns said the following: > [@Shot From Guns](#): > > I have to admit–I’m pretty curious whether there’s any correlation between who thinks phone- and/or cyber-sex aren’t a big deal and who’s actually had any experience with either of them. That is the basis of this poll. Simple enough. How seriously do you take phone sex and/or cyber sex? Does participating in such an activity constitute sexual activity with another person? Is it just like a physical sexual relationship? Is it sexual activity, but not to the same extent as a physical relationship? Or is it a complete non-deal? I’ll do my best to phrase the poll options in the spirit of the question as raised in the referenced thread, but I’m bound to not get it quite right, so please elaborate on your position. If the poll has not yet shown up by the time you post a reply, please return later to respond to the poll. I may be a bit slow in getting it up and running. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/2 "2010-06-22T22:41:55Z")
Are we talking about anonymous cyber/phone sex, or with someone you know but aren’t otherwise sexually involved with? In the first instance, it’s about a quarter-step up from masturbation. In the second, it’s maybe a step and a half, depending on how well you know the person. In either instance, if you’re involved with someone else, and you’d hide it from them, it’s cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/3 "2010-06-22T22:46:37Z")
I don’t remember if I voted in the poll or not. I would say, however, that it runs the same scale that regular sex does. You can have an anonymous one-night stand, or you can have a virtual romance that lasts for years. You can have cybersex with a RL partner who just happens to be away. Or who happens to be in the next room, and wants to work you up. You can also randomly look for someone in a chatroom, abscond to IM, and spend an hour doing it before closing the window and never looking back. Does it count as physical sex? Nope. Does it count as a sexual act? Yep. But so does masturbation. And yes. I’ve had it. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/4 "2010-06-23T01:02:12Z")
Personally, I think it’s ridiculous. If you aren’t touching another person, it’s not sex. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/5 "2010-06-23T01:05:52Z")
I said I’ve tried it and it’s nothing like a physical relationship. What I mean by that is I find it a bit ridiculous. I’m not that verbal during sex anyway, so phone/cyber doesn’t work for me. But then, I also don’t like strippers or a lot of porn. My philosophy is why watch when you can do? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/6 "2010-06-23T01:44:04Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Are we talking about anonymous cyber/phone sex, or with someone you know but aren’t otherwise sexually involved with? > > In the first instance, it’s about a quarter-step up from masturbation. In the second, it’s maybe a step and a half, depending on how well you know the person. This.I’ve never had anonymous cybersex but I would classify it the same as watching porn. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/7 "2010-06-23T03:16:54Z")
I take it as seriously as I take the internet, which, as we all are aware, is serious business. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/8 "2010-06-23T03:33:38Z")
In a long-distance relationship, instances of phone or cyber intimacy are filled with as much seriousness as actual physical time together. You use the time and technology as a an aid to maintaining a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/9 "2010-06-23T09:09:56Z")
You get out of it what you put into it. If it’s a one-night text session with a stranger, then it’s basically intense masturbation. If you cyber it up with the same person for months at a time, with voice and video, then it’s a whole different ballgame. If the person you’re cybering with is somebody you’ve slept with in person before, then that’s another step up. Don’t take it another step up and fuck your computer though. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/10 "2010-06-23T09:15:10Z")
I’ve had cyber sex and what I guess amounts to phone sex before. It’s nowhere near as serious as the real thing. I’d leave a partner who I discovered having cyber or phone sex with someone else behind my back. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/11 "2010-06-23T14:17:36Z")
I’ve had both, and it’s definitely a get out what you put in. It’s not even close to the same thing as physical sex, but neither is it the same thing as masturbation for a very important reason–intent. It is most definitely (when taken seriously, anyway) something that you do for the same reasons that you’d do physical contact, namely, to foster and improve an emotional or romantic or lustful connection. This is why a lot of folks consider it cheating, despite it being silly and no one ever touching–it’s a definite potential precursor to same. ---
**Author:** ![alexandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@alexandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alexandra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/12 "2010-06-23T22:41:37Z")
Nothing like the real thing but if a partner did it I’d be fucked off. I’ve never done phone sex but I suspect it may be significantly closer to the real thing than cybersex. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/13 "2010-06-23T23:07:12Z")
I voted for \*I’ve tried phone sex and/or cybersex, and it is serious, but not as serious as sex in person. \* It’s obviously not as serious, if only because you won’t catch anything or get pregnant but I’m bound to take it pretty seriously as the only person I ever cybered with is the person with whom I’m soon to celebrate our fifth anniversary. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/14 "2010-06-23T23:25:06Z")
I think it is as serious as it is in person, but like **Spacers** above me, the only time I’ve done either was with the man who I’ve been married to for almost 13 years. If either of us were to do it with someone else, we both consider that cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/15 "2010-06-24T00:00:24Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > In a long-distance relationship, instances of phone or cyber intimacy are filled with as much seriousness as actual physical time together. You use the time and technology as a an aid to maintaining a relationship. This sums up my feelings pretty well. I can’t imagine having a cybersex or phone sex relationship with someone I wouldn’t have a physical sexual relationship with. As such, I’d take it extremely seriously, only participating in it BECAUSE I couldn’t be with the other person in the flesh. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/16 "2010-06-24T03:39:42Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Don’t take it another step up and fuck your computer though. I can’t fix those viruses…sorry… ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/17 "2010-06-24T04:02:05Z")
I want to choose both options 2 and 3. It’s nothing like a physical sexual relationship but it can be sort of serious, depending on circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2010, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/18 "2010-06-28T03:25:32Z")
I wouldn’t call it cyber-sex, but I’ve engaged in dirty talk with a stranger online before. It was at a low time in my life and in a weird way made me feel more attractive. Of course now I look back on it and wonder why… Also, my boyfriend caught me doing it and I felt incredibly guilty about it. I guess that means I knew that it was wrong, but for some reason I kept on doing it. I wouldn’t do it again and I think I would be upset if I caught my boyfriend doing it. Live and learn I guess. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/19 "2010-06-30T02:47:41Z")
I’ve not done it, but surely it would have to be somewhat like sex (or why pretend you are having it), but not nearly as important (or why would people that will do phone sex for pay not whore themselves out). On a personal level, I’d consider them both forms of cheating, but, then again, I consider kissing another person of your desired sex to be cheating. (I barely allow flirting, as long as both sides are doing it lightly, and know it doesn’t mean anything. And even, then, only in a context where you could tell your significant other.)-+ ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173/20 "2010-06-30T21:15:35Z")
I don’t even know what phone sex is. I read the definition in the dictionary but I couldn’t relate to how it would work. I have always need the tactile element to work. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-seriously-do-you-take-phone-sex-or-cybersex/544173.md?page=2)