# How should a teacher communicate that a child is using inappropriate language? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032 "2011-06-19T14:41:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/1 "2011-06-19T14:41:08Z")
I’m a preschool teacher. If I need to call a parent to tell them that their Snuggletoes is repeatedly calling other children, for example, “fucking brats,” what should I say? Obviously they need to know the specific words. If I spell it out I feel ridiculous and cutsy. If I just say it, it feels too crude and unprofessional. Especially because, as a preschool teacher, I have an image to uphold of wholesome sweetness. How would you prefer to be told that your four year old is swearing at school? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/2 "2011-06-19T14:45:02Z")
Just use the exact words. Don’t spell it out, don’t mumble it under your breath. Don’t worry, you’re not going to offend mom/dad. They’re adults and have heard it before (just like you). Imagine telling one of your friends what the kid said…say it just like that. You’re best case scenario is that she’ll immediately recognize the phrase and know exactly where he/she picked it up. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/3 "2011-06-19T14:45:14Z")
“Your child is swearing and calling the other children inappropriate names at school. We have reinforced that swearing and name calling are not ok at school. Could you please reinforce this at home?” If they ask for more details provide them, matter of factly. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/4 "2011-06-19T14:47:23Z")
I would prefer to hear it straight out if you think it’s really important I need to know which words he used. But honestly, does it matter? “Your child is using words that can’t be said on network television. How can we work together to address the issue of him swearing at the other kids?” ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/5 "2011-06-19T14:47:31Z")
I would be OK with my kid’s preschool teacher saying “the F-word” or whatever. I don’t think that’s unprofessional in the slightest. I don’t think it’s necessary to use the actual word. I mean, you could, but I agree that it might raise an eyebrow. ---
**Author:** ![Shawn1767](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shawn1767](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn1767)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/6 "2011-06-19T14:49:24Z")
I’ve taught Pre-school and currently teach elementary school. Straightforward is best. Something along the lines: “Your child is having an issue using inappropriate language at school. Specifically ‘blank’. We’re trying to encourage positive interactions and we could use your help. Thanks.” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/7 "2011-06-19T14:57:55Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/8 "2011-06-19T15:25:31Z")
Preschool? Gee, I wonder who they learned it from. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/9 "2011-06-19T15:40:39Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Preschool? Gee, I wonder who they learned it from. Doesn’t mean they can’t learn not to use it at school, or that the parent is unwilling to help with that. I don’t self-censor around my own kids. They know very well that they shouldn’t use some words at school, and they don’t in preschool (by sixth grade, I’m sure they’re talking like sailors to each other, but that’s not unique to households where swearing is present.) I actually don’t let them use what I consider swearwords at home, either - those are “grown up words” and I’m completely honest that the only reason they can’t use them is it makes me and some other grown-ups twitchy. So yeah, if they’re swearing at school, I want to know, because that’s not okay, _even if_ they learned the word from me. Even moreso if it’s a “soft swear” like \*bastard \*or \*sucks \*or _stupid_. Those are anathema in many classrooms, but not universally considered swear words. If it’s one of those words, I probably do need to know what the actual word was so I can appropriately back up the teacher. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/10 "2011-06-19T15:50:14Z")
The best way to do it is to pretend to read the words off a piece of paper. “Your child has been saying - " [_look at notepad_] " - ‘Fucking Brats’.” Make sure to enunciate clearly, like you’re reading an unfamilar phrase in a foreign language. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/11 "2011-06-19T15:57:08Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > The best way to do it is to pretend to read the words off a piece of paper. > > “Your child has been saying - " [_look at notepad_] " - ‘Fucking Brats’.” > > Make sure to enunciate clearly, like you’re reading an unfamilar phrase in a foreign language. If you act uncomfortable you’re going to make the parents uncomfortable. It’s just a swear word, your not telling the parents their kid has a fatal disease. Also, if my kid’s teacher acted like she had never heard a swear word before I’d be concerned she was telling me this because she didn’t know what to do about it or that she was too scared to deal with it. I’d rather just be told what the kid said (I promise, I’ve heard swear words before, I won’t be offended) so I can deal with it at home while you are dealing with it at school. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/12 "2011-06-19T15:58:30Z")
I used to just tell the parents that the kid was using bad language. They never (to my memory) asked what specific words. If they’d asked I would have told them. They wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want to know. I did have a dad turn to his 2nd grade son once and say, “Are fucking cursing in school?” I actually laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/13 "2011-06-19T16:13:51Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Preschool? Gee, I wonder who they learned it from. It would depend on where they live. I live in Chicago and if you have a kid, in this city you cannot take them out in public, without them hearing the “F-Word,”, the “N-Word,” or any other host of profanity and racial slurs. Try explaining to a preschooler why two black people can call each other the “N-word” but you can’t use it. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/14 "2011-06-19T16:59:25Z")
You kidding? Try explaining it to _me_. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/15 "2011-06-19T17:04:53Z")
Your fucking brat is calling the other fucking brats fucking brats. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/16 "2011-06-19T18:09:16Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Your fucking brat is calling the other fucking brats fucking brats. _translates into preschool teacher_ Little Suzy is very perceptive but needs to learn discretion and possibly volume control. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/17 "2011-06-19T19:07:41Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > The best way to do it is to pretend to read the words off a piece of paper. > > “Your child has been saying - " [_look at notepad_] " - ‘Fucking Brats’.” > > Make sure to enunciate clearly, like you’re reading an unfamilar phrase in a foreign language. Better yet, have an actual form printed up, on which you can check off the specific words and phrases the child was using. Something like this: Dear Parent/Guardian, Your child has been heard using the following unacceptable words: \_\_\_ Shit \_\_\_ Piss \_\_\_ Fuck \_\_\_ Cunt \_\_\_ Cocksucker \_\_\_ Motherfucker \_\_\_ Tits ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/18 "2011-06-19T22:04:13Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Better yet, have an actual form printed up, on which you can check off the specific words and phrases the child was using. Something like this: > > Dear Parent/Guardian, > > Your child has been heard using the following unacceptable words: > > \_\_\_ Shit > \_\_\_ Piss > \_\_\_ Fuck > \_\_\_ Cunt > \_\_\_ Cocksucker > \_\_\_ Motherfucker > \_\_\_ Tits …and/or singing “How much is that dog crap in the window?” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/19 "2011-06-19T22:07:26Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > _translates into preschool teacher_ > > Little Suzy is very perceptive but needs to learn discretion and possibly volume control. Posts like this make me wish we had a Like button here. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/20 "2011-06-20T12:03:09Z")
It is suggested that your child: \_\_ Get a clue (hey, they’re cheap!) \_\_ Be put up for adoption (please call the County Orphanage at 555-4211 to arrange for pickup) \_\_ Consume Excrement \_\_ Consume Excrement and thus expire. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032.md?page=2)