# How should a teacher communicate that a child is using inappropriate language? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 19, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032 "2011-06-19T14:41:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/21 "2011-06-20T13:06:36Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Even moreso if it’s a “soft swear” like \*bastard \*or \*sucks \*or _stupid_. Those are anathema in many classrooms, but not universally considered swear words. If it’s one of those words, I probably do need to know what the actual word was so I can appropriately back up the teacher. …“stupid” is considered a “bad” word? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/22 "2011-06-20T13:24:35Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > …“stupid” is considered a “bad” word? Depends on the school and the time and the teacher. It was absolutely equivalent to “asshole” when my son was a kindergartener in 1998 or so in the 'burbs. We had A Conference after school, with teacher and school counselor and paperwork and the whole works. It was all I could do not to say, “Really? This is rather…lacking in intelligence.” My daughter (just finished K in an urban school) tells me it’s “a bad word”, and it seems they’re not supposed to use it in her classroom, but I’ve heard it used on the playground without causing anyone to go into vapors. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/23 "2011-06-20T13:32:39Z")
On the subject of “soft swears”: A friend of mine’s eight year old daughter went with her third grade class to “Safety City”–a miniature town with minature cars where children pedal themselves around and learn about obeying traffic laws–especially stoplights. Afterwards, the teacher told the mother that they needed to talk privately for a minute. Apparently, the child had gotten so worked up (over other people’s bad driving, and especially lack of haste) she’d been asked to sit out until she could cool herself down. She also had invented a horn for her car and drove around saying “Meep! Meep!” And had specifically yelled a few things like “Hey lady, the light isn’t getting any greener”. “Oh” said the mother " I guess I’ll have to have a talk with her father about that"–hoping to imply without actually saying anything untrue that it was likely to be her father that had demonstrated such driving tactics. “Oh” said the teacher “Does the father have a New York Accent too?” Busted. * * * Although I am not a parent, my inclination goes towards those that say that words which I may not know are inappropriate in your classroom I need to be told specifically, but if it’s reasonable that I would know that they are inappropriate, start by bringing up the inapproprate language issue. If I need to know, I’ll ask. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/24 "2011-06-20T14:58:22Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > …“stupid” is considered a “bad” word? It was in our house when the kids were small, as was “shut up”. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/25 "2011-06-20T14:58:58Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > …“stupid” is considered a “bad” word? No. Of course not. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/26 "2011-06-20T15:35:28Z")
Is this a preschool the parents are paying for? When my daughter was in preschool, kids would be asked not to return if they used obscene language or struck/bit another child. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/27 "2011-06-20T17:23:07Z")
I think yelling it at the parents would probably get your message across. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/28 "2011-06-20T17:38:47Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > …“stupid” is considered a “bad” word? My son brought a Froggy book home from school last week. At one point in the book the word “stupid” is used to describe an inanimate object. “Stupid” was crossed out and “silly” was written above it. Our rule is that you don’t call people stupid even if they are stupid, but you can call things stupid. Most people around here don’t allow their kids to say “stupid” in any context. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/29 "2011-06-20T17:43:44Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > Our rule is that you don’t call people stupid even if they are stupid, but you can call things stupid. Most people around here don’t allow their kids to say “stupid” in any context. I’d be a LOT more upset with a child who called someone else “stupid” than with a child who stubbed her toe and said “shit!”. Name-calling is a whole different category from swearing. ETA: as a parent, I would sure as hell want to know if my child was name-calling, regardless of the words used. If it was just saying “shit” once, I’d kinda expect the school to reprimand and move on. That’s not even that big of a deal. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/30 "2011-06-20T17:53:04Z")
If they are pretty young, the parents will probably need to know the exact words in use so they can teach them not to say them. Swearing is far too abstract a concept for a three year old but they can learn not to say certain things. Our house is filled with all sorts of words and phrases that the kids are not to say. Some are cursing (shit and fuck, etc.), some are just things you shouldn’t call people (fat, stupid) and others are just disrespectful (I knoooowww, whatever). Though, the grownups are held to the same standards and must be respectful to each other and not call names. (There are some tough moments like when you stub your toe and can’t curse but we do it.) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/31 "2011-06-20T18:36:41Z")
Frankly, I’d be more concerned that the child was calling another child a brat at all, then the fact s/he was using a curse word. Avoiding curse words are simply societal norms. Name calling (like brat) is mean. ETA: And yes, as silly as it may seem to others, my kids learned to say “this game is making me so mad” rather than “this game is stupid”, and the like. I was raised in a house where name calling and raging were not uncommon. I wanted my kids to avoid that at all costs, or at least to kow that we don’t value that behavior. Plus, we wanted them to own their own feelings- it’s not the game’s fault you’re mad. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/32 "2011-06-20T18:42:25Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > It was in our house when the kids were small, as was “shut up”. Until I was about five, I was convinced that “shut up” was an actual curse word. Not “stupid”, though. I definitely learned curse words from my parents – mostly from my father and my grandmother. Fortunately, I never used them in school. I did use them in front of my father’s boss once. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/33 "2011-06-20T19:17:22Z")
In juvenile court, we very often have to say swear words on the record. Some people just say them, and others will abbreviate…usually by saying “effing” instead of “fucking.” Maybe you could do that? ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/34 "2011-06-20T21:16:00Z")
Then of course there are the words that aren’t bad, but the kid knows they will cause hilarity among children and make some adults crazy. For instance chanting “Vagina vagina vagina my scissors is a vagina my lunchbox is a vagina my Batman watch is a VAGINA!!!” for twenty minutes straight. As the Director brings a tour of prospective parents through. It’s extra funny if the vagina chanter is a boy. For some reason vaginas are much funnier than penises. Then there is the telling-on-others-by-repeating-the-offending-word. Mitchell: “Fucking brat!” Mindy: “MISS XOFEREW!!! Mitchell said fucking!” Coco: “And he said brat!” Miss Xoferew, with a look of grave disappointment: “Yes, I heard it with my big teacher ears. You don’t have to say it too.” Mindy: “I didn’t say it! Mitchell was the one who said fucking brat!” Coco: “Yeah, he said fucking brat! Mitchell, you’re a poopypants diaper baby!” Mitchell: “MISS XOFEREW!!! Coco said poopypants diaper baby to me!” Coco: “Well, my ears don’t want to hear bad words like fucking brat! My mommy will be so mad!” Xoferew: (Silent cursing/laughing/banging head against wall) Thanks to all for the input/advice! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/35 "2011-06-20T21:26:24Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > Then of course there are the words that aren’t bad, but the kid knows they will cause hilarity among children and make some adults crazy. It’s even better when they have no idea what the word means, but by gum, they know from context that it was bad! My mom had a sixth grade (SIXTH grade) student come in from recess in tears. Just sobbing uncontrollably. After about 5 minutes of sympathy and Kleenex, it because apparent that a boy had been teasing her outside, calling her names. “H-h-h-he…he…he called me a VIRGIN!” So…whattaya do, Teach? Are you going to yell at the boy for calling a 12 year old girl a virgin? Or are you going to tell the 12 year old girl what virgin means? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/36 "2011-06-20T21:40:45Z")
Act it out for them, using a Bratz doll. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/37 "2011-06-20T22:04:48Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > For instance chanting “Vagina vagina vagina my scissors is a vagina my lunchbox is a vagina my Batman watch is a VAGINA!!!” for twenty minutes straight. As the Director brings a tour of prospective parents through. My inner four-year-old cannot stop giggling. Every time I go back and reread that line, I crack up again. I’d want (and demand) to know exactly what my kid said. If she called another kid a fucking brat, we’re going to have an entirely different conversation from if she stubbed her toe on the desk and called the desk a stupid stinky piece of poo, or if she used some racial slur. All of those count as ‘inappropriate language’, but I’d need to know which one we were dealing with. Also, if you said, ‘Your kid called someone an effing brat’, I would want to know whether she actually said ‘effing brat’ or ‘fucking brat’. So as far as I can see, you might as well just say ‘fucking’ the first time round. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/38 "2011-06-21T10:29:41Z")
I guess it might be time for a bit of Kevin Bloody Wilson… [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/KZnpg0nLx7w/hqdefault.jpg "kevin bloody wilson") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZnpg0nLx7w) In case you were wondering, its just a shade unsafe for work… ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032/39 "2011-06-21T11:04:27Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > For instance chanting “Vagina vagina vagina my scissors is a vagina my lunchbox is a vagina my Batman watch is a VAGINA!!!” for twenty minutes straight. Definitely worthy of a reprimand. Scissors is plural. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-a-teacher-communicate-that-a-child-is-using-inappropriate-language/586032.md?page=1)