# How should I break up with a girlfriend who loves me more than the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 9, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715 "2008-09-09T01:27:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/21 "2008-09-09T02:43:13Z")
Get politely drunk – enough to take the edge off of matters, not so much to be dangerous – scream and shout and cuss, **Autolycus**. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/22 "2008-09-09T02:47:48Z")
One step ahead of you. Cheers. Oh, and I guess the issue of the OP has been resolved, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to leave it open. The more the merrier. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/23 "2008-09-09T02:48:57Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > She really really really loved me. She forgave so many stupid things I did, and she always wanted to see me happy. I’m going to miss her so much…I still know I made the right choice deep down, but god it sucks to lose something so precious. And if you really did love her, you’d keep that to yourself, and not call her and try to ameliorate your guilt by asking her for her approval and reassurance that you didn’t hurt her. You have to move on. Vent here, but do not call her. Just a friendly reminder–don’t call her and don’t call her drunk to “explain.” ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/24 "2008-09-09T02:53:04Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Send her an e-mail explaining that you’ve found someone wittier, younger & cuter. And not Chinese. Since you aren’t there in person, you won’t be inconvenienced by having to find a new place to stay. > > Don’t answer her e-mails or phone calls. She’ll get the message that she’s better off without you. That’s a little formal. I think it’s enough to send them a text message that says “NOT D8NG ANYMORE, SRY KTHX BYE”. People appreciate it if you get right to the point. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/25 "2008-09-09T02:55:44Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > And if you really did love her, you’d keep that to yourself, and not call her and try to ameliorate your guilt by asking her for her approval and reassurance that you didn’t hurt her. You have to move on. Vent here, but do not call her. Just a friendly reminder–don’t call her and don’t call her drunk to “explain.” Roger that. Thanks **eleanor**. ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/26 "2008-09-09T03:28:30Z")
Good grief, if there’s any thread the calls for some [Barenaked Ladies](http://lyricwiki.org/Barenaked_Ladies:Break_Your_Heart), it’s this one. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/27 "2008-09-09T03:43:07Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > Get politely drunk – enough to take the edge off of matters, not so much to be dangerous – scream and shout and cuss, **Autolycus**. Spit on her. Worked for me. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/28 "2008-09-09T03:57:24Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > Oh, and I guess the issue of the OP has been resolved . . . Famous last words, _mon frère_. Don’t be so sure–a Chinese gal of marrying age? Who deeply loves you? And thought that things were going so well? Beware the [psycho xiaojie](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=%22psycho+xiaojie%22). :eek: ETA: To elaborate, “xiaojie” means “young lady” in Chinese. And here’s a pretty good description of the phenomenon on one of the links I found via Google above: > [@](#): > > I’ve seen lots of guys getting stalked and hounded by ‘psycho xiaojie’ that refuse to accept something is over. Girls turning up at their workplace, bursting into the classroom or office to create a scene, waiting outside the apartment for days on end (incidentally local guys also do this stalking routine with girls theyare interested in), breaking in and damaging stuff, reporting a motorbike the guy registered in her name as stolen (the guy ended up overnighting in the police cells), barricading herself in the guy’s bedroom for three days, lying in the street outside the apartment feigning injury, calling an ambulance and police, and then accusing the guy of hitting her (lots of entertainment for the neighbors). ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/29 "2008-09-09T04:07:23Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Spit on her. Maybe so – but it doesn’t rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/30 "2008-09-09T04:19:35Z")
Don’t break up with her. Just go along, being passive-aggressive, hoping she’ll get the message. If she doesn’t, and when events conspire, then get married, again hoping that fate will take care of your problems for you. After a few less-than-happy years, finally decide you have enough and then get a divorce, losing your share of the house and, if you have kids, the ability to see your children every day. Or, you do what you did. It sucks, but it’s better than the alternative. Just don’t be weak and take her calls. It’s over. Also, good thing about the fortunate timing. The clean-up may have been a bitch, but at least there’s nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![Debon\_Err](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ea924/32.png) [@Debon\_Err](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debon_Err)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/31 "2008-09-09T04:21:55Z")
Congratulations! It is ok to feel better about this without feeling bad. When it’s not right, it’s not right. Nothing you can do if it’s not in the cards. It’s nothing either of you did wrong. Mabye this other girl is the right one. I think the rebound thing is crap, sometimes. Sure it exists, but it doesn’t always have to. Go get girl #2, Autolycus. Say what you need to say. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/32 "2008-09-09T04:29:38Z")
I’ve always had good luck with the “just stop answering her calls until she gets the message” technique. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/33 "2008-09-09T05:12:48Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > Maybe so – but it doesn’t rhyme. Just hock up a loogie, Doogie? ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/34 "2008-09-09T05:49:45Z")
Thank you all for your help. It really means the world to me. (aka keep the comfort vibes coming) Maybe I’m just a sap, but Disney songs really cheer me up at times like this. ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/35 "2008-09-09T05:55:43Z")
Listen to all the Disney songs you need, Auto. Don’t worry about it being sappy. I had to break up with a guy once, after he’d declared his love for me. It was extremely uncomfortable, because while I liked him and found him attractive, I knew I was never, ever going to be in love with him. It just wasn’t there. I’d’ve been happy dating casually, but the second I found out how serious his feelings were I couldn’t, in good conscience, continue. It was painful and I felt like an ass, but it really was best. I freed him up to find somebody who could return his feelings, somebody who was interested in the kind of relationship he needed. It may not feel like it right now, but that’s what you did, too. Love is a messy thing and sometimes we’ve got to hurt people to avoid a worse hurt later on. ---
**Author:** ![Brandon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f08c70/32.png) [@Brandon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brandon)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/36 "2008-09-09T06:29:16Z")
Judging from what’s written here, and what you have posted in the past, I would think long and hard about getting involved with girl #2. At least don’t do anything in the immediate future. My two cents. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/37 "2008-09-09T10:08:59Z")
Go **Autolycus**! Sounds like you handled it very well. Do not feel guilty about anything, you can’t force yourself to feel that someone is the love of your life when that person isn’t. Now, go out there and experience some PASSION!😃 ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/38 "2008-09-09T13:04:09Z")
Three things: 1. You did the right thing\*\* Auto\*\*, you’re still young; it’s healthy for you to date, go steady, and all the hullabaloo that goes with having relationships. 2. Don’t call her, especially if you’re drinking (:smack:). Now since this is a semi-amicable breakup this isn’t a forever thing. Perhaps there will be a time when you two can be friendly again and talk. Regarding this I will ask my fellow Dopers if they agree, and what sort of time-table would be healthy. Or does “never” mean “never”? 3. “psycho xiaojie”… not fun. Good luck, Godspeed, and I hope you both find happiness. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/39 "2008-09-09T13:09:48Z")
It might be easier. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/40 "2008-09-09T13:16:03Z")
I only read the OP, who needs anything else, and I don’t think it matters really. You are obviously an idiot and it won’t take her long to forget you. You are about as deep as a teaspoon and she has been lucky to rid herself of you. How long do you think it will take to decide that the new relationship “has no passion”? No I’m just kidding. She will dump you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715.md?page=3)