# How should I break up with a girlfriend who loves me more than the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 9, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715 "2008-09-09T01:27:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/41 "2008-09-09T13:20:52Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I only read the OP, who needs anything else, and I don’t think it matters really. You are obviously an idiot and it won’t take her long to forget you. You are about as deep as a teaspoon and she has been lucky to rid herself of you. > > How long do you think it will take to decide that the new relationship “has no passion”? > > No I’m just kidding. She will dump you. Thank you for contributing. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/42 "2008-09-09T13:23:48Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I only read the OP, who needs anything else, and I don’t think it matters really. You are obviously an idiot and it won’t take her long to forget you. You are about as deep as a teaspoon and she has been lucky to rid herself of you. :smack: Of course! How could I forget that old standby: “It’s not you . . . _it’s me_. You deserve someone better.” Thanks for the tip, **don’t ask**! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/43 "2008-09-09T13:32:19Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > I only read the OP, who needs anything else, and I don’t think it matters really. You are obviously an idiot and it won’t take her long to forget you. You are about as deep as a teaspoon and she has been lucky to rid herself of you. > > How long do you think it will take to decide that the new relationship “has no passion”? > > No I’m just kidding. She will dump you. Um. Well, thanks for sharing. :dubious: Anyway, **Auto** , I’m glad you went through with it, and did it the right way. I broke up with a really nice guy once, one I had dated for a year and was really into me, but I just wasn’t ever going to love him. I had actually broken up with him about six months in, and he talked me into taking him back. (Or rather, called up and cried at me until I gave in.) That was almost 15 years ago now, and I still feel bad that I kept him hanging on all of that time when I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/44 "2008-09-09T15:00:40Z")
No no no, you’re all doing it wrong. You’re supposed to have a mutual friend call the woman and tell her you’re dead. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/45 "2008-09-09T15:12:10Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > I’m a guy and none of my male friends can talk to me like this. OK? Sorry dude, that sucks. Get a couple guy friends who aren’t fucking pussies and can talk about their entire range of emotions with close friends. Sounds like you sucked it up and did what you had to do. I’ve spent too long letting myself be “talked back into” relationships. Never ends well. Good for you, for doing what’s best for the both of you. If you need a chuckle right now: > [@Auto's OP](#): > > That resulted in her bearing her heart to me. Sounds painful. I bet none of the other xaiojie have ever gone quite that far. PS Did I miss the “Auto’s adventures in Japan” thread? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/46 "2008-09-09T15:45:00Z")
> [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](#): > > Just slip out the back, Jack > Make a new plan, Stan > No need to be coy, Roy > Now listen to me: > > Just hop on the bus, Gus > Don’t need to discuss much > Just drop off the key, Lee > Get yourself free~~~From the tune “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover”. > > By which I mean that I agree with those who say to keep it short and simple. Just find a new chick, Rick Leave a Post-it on the table, Able Go out for some smokes, Otis Or just be all aloof and distant until she keeps asking you “what is wrong?” and you keep replying “nothing” and eventually after several months or years of your miserable strained relationship, with all the cheating and lying, she’ll eventually get the idea and move out but then you’ll realize you made a mistake but now it’s too late and you keep promising her you’ll change but now she’s dating this new guy and he’s like some rich good looking doctor or lawyer or something and you’re all alone eating Raman noodles and listening to James Blunt who you used to always hate but now all you want is for her to come back to you, Lou ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/47 "2008-09-09T15:55:24Z")
So does nobody just use the classic “Welcome to dumpsville, population you!” line anymore? ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/48 "2008-09-09T16:49:10Z")
Bottom line: You are a young guy with a swinging dick. She’s almost 10 years older, ready to settle down and get married. You two have different goals and different directions in your life, and it is best to end it now so that you can both pursue what you want. I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt. I was on both ends of it, and I never could figure out if dumping someone or getting dumped hurt worse. They both suck. But it is temporary, and in the long run, not a big deal. Just don’t take her calls just yet; you are both still emotional, and she might try to talk you into getting back together. Something you know you don’t want… ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/49 "2008-09-09T17:03:31Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > So does nobody just use the classic “Welcome to dumpsville, population you!” line anymore? “Anyone I’m not dumping, please step forward. Oooh, not so fast there Sweetie.” ---
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/50 "2008-09-09T17:43:05Z")
You can forget the “oh, she loved me so so much.” She’s 32 and wants to get married. She knew you weren’t into her, and her attitude didn’t change. It’s desperation, not love. If she starts dating a new guy next week, she’ll feel the same way about him. I’m 31. All my unmarried female friends are like that. They’re deeply in love with every guy they date from the get-go. He is always “The One.” Until they get dumped because most guys don’t want to get married two months into a relationship. Then they are deeply in love with the next guy who is willing to date them for awhile. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/51 "2008-09-09T17:48:50Z")
Tell her about the ladle. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/52 "2008-09-09T17:53:09Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > I’ve been dating a girl since December, and she’s a really sweet girl. We’ve had a great relationship. Seriously, no complaints about everything. We get along nice, we understand each other, and we laugh together. > > With that said, I’ve decided to break it off. I’ve decided she’s just not the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with for a couple of reasons: > > 1. age difference. 24 to her 32. > 2. she hasn’t told her parents yet. Did I mention she’s Chinese and her parents hate Americans? > 3. She wants to get married RIGHT NOW. I definitely do not. > 4. Most importantly IMO, there is and never was any passion. > 5. Long distance. I won’t be able to see her in-person until February at least. > > I know that passion is not the most important thing, but damnit I want it. I don’t think it’s great to have never had it. Between that and everything else I’ve decided to break it off. Well… > > To tell the full story, I decided to break it off last month when I was in Japan. That resulted in her bearing her heart to me. She vehemently proclaimed her undying devotion to me, and that paired with the fact she was living with me for 2 more days resulted in me changing my mind. > > I came back to Florida and now I’ve met a girl who reminded me what it’s like to have passion. She’s wittier, younger, cuter, and is a better match for me than my current girlfriend. She’s having relationship issues of her own, … long story short I’ve decided to break up with my GF. > > But how? > > Anything I do will break her heart. I don’t know what to say.. I don’t know how much I should reveal. There’s no good answer, so I’m hoping you guys can offer me some advice. Once again, I’m supremely grateful for any advice offered. Tell her you are breaking up, and then print out your OP and give it to her. It’s not cruel and it explains it. You are too young to be married, she wants to be married NOW and she hasn’t introduced you to her parents. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/53 "2008-09-09T17:53:32Z")
You did the right thing. The fact that you feel bad for hurting her means you have compassion. But in the long run, you did both you and her a favor. She shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love her. As far as New Girl goes, take it slow. She’s got baggage, you just broke up with someone…dip a toe, don’t dive in headfirst. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/54 "2008-09-09T19:15:42Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > Tell her about the ladle. There’s a time and a place for ribbing me about this my friend… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/55 "2008-09-09T19:34:58Z")
Just so you know, you could have talked to me about this if you wanted to. I know it must have been hard to do. She is really a very sweet girl. Next time, date a complete bitch, that way breaking up with her will be kind of fun. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/56 "2008-09-09T19:37:35Z")
To echo **TDN** , feel free to drop me a message if you have stuff like this you need to chat about. I know it’s not the same as RL friends, but I’m willing to lend you a virtual shoulder to cry on and an ear to bend. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/57 "2008-09-09T19:56:24Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > There’s a time and a place for ribbing me about this my friend… Yes, sorry. Didn’t mean any harm, I just think I’m funnier than I often am. I’ll proffer this then, buck up man. You’re moving on to a girl who sounds like you’ll be much happier with. This part is hard and not fun, but at the end you’ll be glad that you handled this as well as you’re being advised and will be a better boyfriend to your new friend as well. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/58 "2008-09-09T19:58:29Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I know it’s not the same as RL friends Yeah, well… He’s got my number. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/59 "2008-09-09T20:01:39Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Yeah, well… He’s got my number. 🙂 I know, I meant my offer wasn’t as good. You can have first dibs on consoling Auto. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715/60 "2008-09-09T20:30:32Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Yeah, well… He’s got my number. 🙂 We’ve _all_ got your number. 😃 Yeah, I think I’m funnier than I am sometimes, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-break-up-with-a-girlfriend-who-loves-me-more-than-the-world/462715.md?page=4)