# How should I greet my female friends? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 8, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732 "2001-05-08T05:42:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/1 "2001-05-08T05:42:34Z")
When I meet a male friend, for lunch as an example, there is no ambiguity. We shake hands and proceed with the meal. No guesswork is involved. However, when I meet a female friend, there’s always a strained pause as I wait for her to make the first move. Will it be a handshake, a quick embrace, or nothing at all? Since even my female friends tend to be geeky engineer types, this pause can grow to be quite long and awkward as we both wait for the other to commit. I one day aspire to the total elimination of awkward pauses from my life, so I am turning to the Teeming Masses for help. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/2 "2001-05-08T06:35:31Z")
Slowly brush your hand across her cheek, uncurling your hand behind her neck, then, gently, softly, draw her forward and lightly kiss her. No awkward pauses to speak of. Or have I been reaading too many really bad romance novels? Okay, here’s a better hint, just offer your hand, like you would to any other friend. A light arm around the shoulders, or hand on her arm, to direct her towards the door or the table may also be acceptable. Now, if you’re trying to find out if these friends want to be more than friends, a touch to the hand or arm during conversation, a very brief kiss on the cheek, helping them on or off with a coat–these may well be taken as signals of affection by the women, so if she returns the touch, it may be date time. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/3 "2001-05-08T06:50:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Greg Charles \* > \*\* > I one day aspire to the total elimination of awkward pauses from my life, so I am turning to the Teeming Masses for help. \*\* And one day you will have no more akward pauses, or uncomfortable or uncertain moments of any kind. None of us will. It’s called death. In the mean time, go with a warm handshake and a friendly smile. How wrong can you go? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/4 "2001-05-08T09:03:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Or have I been reaading too many really bad romance novels? Of course you have. Here in Realityville, guys always greet their female friends with a good, old-fashioned round of cunnilingus. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/5 "2001-05-08T11:38:34Z")
I was going to say “a good old fashioned crotch massage is always an ice-breaker. Or"What’s cookin’, Toots?” Chicks dig that." But I’ve been follwing SPOOFE around the boards all morning and it’s just getting creepy. Either I’m stalking him, or he’s stalking me with a weird temporal-shift thing happening. So I’m not going to post anything till we get the whole deal straightened out. ---
**Author:** ![KellyM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/57b2e6/32.png) [@KellyM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyM)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/6 "2001-05-08T11:44:30Z")
My personal preference would be “How may I serve you, your majesty?” but I suspect not many will go for that. ---
**Author:** ![Evnglion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f04885/32.png) [@Evnglion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evnglion)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/7 "2001-05-08T12:02:43Z")
With the girl I associate with the most, we always give each other a hug and a kiss when we greet. It is never really akward, except I am passionatly in love with her, and she has no clue!!! ARGH! ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/8 "2001-05-08T13:21:36Z")
This is kind of a tough question. On the one hand, most women say they want to be treated just like men; on the other hand, a lot of them get quite weirded out if you really do that. Having said that, I’ve now settled on the firm (but not too firm) handshake. If the woman wants a hug, she’ll take matters into her own hands and start the hug. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/9 "2001-05-08T13:37:07Z")
Hmmm, I was thinking about this recently. Actually, according to etiquette, you are already doing the right thing. A gentleman never offers his hand to a lady, but waits for her to offer her hand first. However, I’d have to say that this is pretty much extinct in practice. At any rate, very few people (other than me and a handful of other old ladies) know about this old rule anymore. I recommend that you offer your hand and let the lady choose to either shake it, or push it aside and go in for a hug. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/10 "2001-05-08T14:09:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Evnglion \* > \*\*With the girl I associate with the most, we always give each other a hug and a kiss when we greet. It is never really akward, except I am passionatly in love with her, and she has no clue!!! ARGH! \*\* Related question: is it terribly rude for the female friend to dodge the kiss? Because I’m sorry…I don’t kiss my friends on the lips. (FTR, yes, I have asked the friend to stop. It was ignored.) ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/11 "2001-05-08T14:47:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Falcon \* > Related question: is it terribly rude for the female friend to dodge the kiss? Because I’m sorry…I don’t kiss my friends on the lips. > > (FTR, yes, I have asked the friend to stop. It was ignored.) Hmm, he ignored it, did he? Just a casual observation - as a guy leans forward for a kiss, his crotch is almost inevitably near the woman’s knee. Do what you will with this information. [sub] Ya don’t kiss friends on the lips, do you? Then what about at the Dopefest? … Oops, that was **Sara**. Never mind.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/12 "2001-05-08T14:50:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jess \* > A gentleman never offers his hand to a lady, but waits for her to offer her hand first. However, I’d have to say that this is pretty much extinct in practice. Close, but not extinct yet. Being the raised-by-my-grandma good Southern boy that I am, I adhere strictly to this rule for all women who fall below the hug-and-kiss line of familiarity. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/13 "2001-05-08T14:52:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > Of course you have. Here in Realityville, guys always greet their female friends with a good, old-fashioned round of cunnilingus. Wanna meet for lunch later? jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/14 "2001-05-08T22:04:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Here in Realityville, guys always greet their female friends with a good, old-fashioned round of cunnilingus. Which, of course, is totally different from that newfangled cunnilungus. Why, you whippersnappers… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/15 "2001-05-09T06:26:32Z")
I thought the cunnilingus was supposed to happen _after_ lunch? ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-greet-my-female-friends/64732/16 "2001-05-09T08:08:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*I thought the cunnilingus was supposed to happen _after_ lunch? \*\* For some of us, cunnilingus **is** lunch! 😃