# How should I handle this incident of domestic violence? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2018, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747 "2018-06-09T09:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/1 "2018-06-09T09:48:45Z")
Yesterday, I heard one of my neighbours sounding distressed. Then there was the sound of slapping. She has a boyfriend with whom I am not acquainted. By the time I got to my door she had raced upstairs and slammed her door closed. I knocked on the door (we have a buzzer entry system to the block so she knew it was a neighbour) and when she came to the door I asked if she was alright. She was perfectly made up, so it was obvious that it was she, not the boyfriend, who had done the slapping. Now, I don’t condone violence by anyone; I have, however, previously stepped in to prevent violence from occurring. So how do I handle this? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/2 "2018-06-09T10:32:10Z")
People sometimes slap each other. It is not the definition of domestic violence. He might have done something to deserve it. They might have been getting kinky. Minus further evidence, all you can do is hope to become friends with the boyfriend one day and offer to talk. But, by that point, if there isn’t further evidence, then you would probably be wasting your time. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/3 "2018-06-09T11:02:32Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > People sometimes slap each other. It is not the definition of domestic violence. He might have done something to deserve it. They might have been getting kinky. Minus further evidence, all you can do is hope to become friends with the boyfriend one day and offer to talk. But, by that point, if there isn’t further evidence, then you would probably be wasting your time. :rolleyes: Would the advise be the same if it had been the bf doing the slapping? "_Oh its just 50 Shades of Gray roleplay, nevermind_ ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/4 "2018-06-09T11:27:53Z")
Unless you’re willing to pry and ask details, it seems you have not enough to go on. If it were reversed would you have taken the boyfriends word and walked away? But you did here, so unless you’re going back to ask to see he’s okay, or get more info, you have nothing substantial to go on, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/5 "2018-06-09T11:29:37Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > She was perfectly made up, so it was obvious that it was she, not the boyfriend, who had done the slapping. …I suspect your definition of “obvious” is different from everyone elses. You “heard” what you suspect was a slap. You are assuming that “being perfectly made up” negates the possibility that if there was a slap of some sort that she was not the victim. If you are so supremely confident of what happened outside your door then call the police already. Domestic violence is not acceptable no matter who the perpetrator is. And if everything is as “obvious” as you claim it is then the police won’t have any problems sorting it out. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/6 "2018-06-09T11:41:41Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Unless you’re willing to pry and ask details, it seems you have not enough to go on. If it were reversed would you have taken the boyfriends word and walked away? He had left so was not available to ask. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/7 "2018-06-09T12:47:32Z")
I find it convenient that an outspoken champion of unfairness towards men happened to “witness” an obvious example of physical abuse perpetrated upon a man by a woman and brought it to our attention. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/8 "2018-06-09T13:28:41Z")
I think it’s a bad idea to get personally involved. Call the cops and let them sort it out. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/9 "2018-06-09T13:31:22Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I find it convenient that an outspoken champion of unfairness towards men happened to “witness” an obvious example of physical abuse perpetrated upon a man by a woman and brought it to our attention. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/10 "2018-06-09T13:39:30Z")
I’m confused about your details. Where was the couple when the alleged incident occurred? Were they in the public area of the building? Because you said she ran upstairs (INTO her apartment?) and slammed the door after the incident. Are you sure it was an altercation and not someone venting their frustration with an inaminate object? The other day I was trying to retract the jammed handle of a rolling suitcase and anyone overhearing me might have heard noises that sounded like I was in distress ( including obscenities) followed by the sound of something being hit. Usually if there’s an altercation I will hear at least two voices. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/11 "2018-06-09T13:48:48Z")
Did you actually see anything? No? Then you have nothing to be involved in because you are not a witness and can provide no testimony as to who was the aggressor and who was the victim. It is, however, a warning sign that _something_ is going on there. You just don’t know what that something is yet. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/12 "2018-06-09T14:19:32Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I find it convenient that an outspoken champion of unfairness towards men happened to “witness” an obvious example of physical abuse perpetrated upon a man by a woman and brought it to our attention. I have reported the events exactly as they occurred. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/13 "2018-06-09T14:24:17Z")
Except the opinion / guess / assumption that she was the aggressor. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/14 "2018-06-09T14:33:56Z")
You heard someone making a noise, then the sound of something being hit. After seeing your neighbour, she looked perfectly fine. How do you get “she obviously beat her boyfriend” out of that? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/15 "2018-06-09T14:44:36Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > How do you get “she obviously beat her boyfriend” out of that? I have reported what I heard. I know the sound of a slap. I know how someone sounds when in distress. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/16 "2018-06-09T15:03:29Z")
I don’t understand the conclusion that the man was the one who was slapped. What is the relevance of the woman wearing makeup? Do you think that if a woman is slapped once, her makeup goes flying off her face? And how do you know that the slap, whoever received it, was to the face, and not, say, the arm or the back? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/17 "2018-06-09T15:22:59Z")
You don’t know anything that happened out of your sight. If you are concerned that someone was assaulted, you should report it. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/18 "2018-06-09T16:03:29Z")
Quartz: You know what slaps sound like. If you had received the particular slaps you heard, from your GF, would you want me to call the cops on your behalf? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/19 "2018-06-09T20:06:45Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > :rolleyes: > Would the advise be the same if it had been the bf doing the slapping? "_Oh its just 50 Shades of Gray roleplay, nevermind_ I didn’t say that it was but, yes, I would. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/20 "2018-06-10T01:33:54Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > I find it convenient that an outspoken champion of unfairness towards men happened to “witness” an obvious example of physical abuse perpetrated upon a man by a woman and brought it to our attention. Sadly in USA 2018 there are ``humans" who think that protesting unfairness against men is wrong or defending male victims of Domestic Violence is wrong. Even though SDMB is 70% male, almost all members who ask for fairness toward men have either been banned or post rarely. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747.md?page=2)