# How should I handle this incident of domestic violence? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 9, 2018, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747 "2018-06-09T09:48:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/21 "2018-06-10T01:40:11Z")
In the past I have called the police when I heard the sounds of domestic abuse from the condo next door. I don’t care who is hitting whom - if I hear something like that (and you know abuse when you hear it), I call the police, and that is what you should do. Men are victims of domestic abuse far more often than we realize, and they deserve to live without abuse in their lives just as women do. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/22 "2018-06-10T01:43:08Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Even though SDMB is 70% male, almost all members who ask for fairness toward men have either been banned or post rarely. The people who got banned here didn’t get banned because they wanted to be fair to men. They were banned because they were jerks. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/23 "2018-06-10T01:49:23Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > The people who got banned here didn’t get banned because they wanted to be fair to men. They were banned because they were jerks. Usually anyone who mentions discrimination against men and/or DV against men is first subject to a series of very personal attack by self appointed Thought Police. If he/she replies in kind then he/she is banned. Or the offender guilty of empathy toward men may have to self-ban or self-suspend. In reality heavily censored forums like Twitter are losing rank, while almost unmoderated forums like Reddit are gaining rank. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/24 "2018-06-10T01:50:19Z")
Don’t hijack this thread with a debate about this board. You can certainly discuss domestic violence towards men (which yes, is bad), if you choose, but keep it relevant to the topic at hand. > [@CCitizen](#): > > Sadly in USA 2018 there are ``humans" who think that protesting unfairness against men is wrong or defending male victims of Domestic Violence is wrong. > > Even though SDMB is 70% male, almost all members who ask for fairness toward men have either been banned or post rarely. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/25 "2018-06-10T01:51:33Z")
I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/26 "2018-06-10T04:23:30Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Yesterday, I heard one of my neighbours sounding distressed. Then there was the sound of slapping. She has a boyfriend with whom I am not acquainted. By the time I got to my door she had raced upstairs and slammed her door closed. I knocked on the door (we have a buzzer entry system to the block so she knew it was a neighbour) and when she came to the door I asked if she was alright. She was perfectly made up, so it was obvious that it was she, not the boyfriend, who had done the slapping. > > Now, I don’t condone violence by anyone; I have, however, previously stepped in to prevent violence from occurring. So how do I handle this? Let me get this straight. You saw nothing, you didn’t even see or hear the boyfriend specifically, you heard something that you determined was a slap, though you clearly didn’t see who or what was slapped, she was"perfectly made up" so you determined she was the one doing the slapping, she said she was ok (?), And from all of this you have decided that she was the perpetrator of domestic violence, and the unseen boyfriend was the victim? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/27 "2018-06-10T05:01:41Z")
The sound of a slap is mistakable so MYOB. If you ever see or hear real evidence of violence then call the police. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/28 "2018-06-10T05:22:14Z")
I wouldn’t rule out that a dog was distressing her, so she slapped it. Call the SPCA. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/29 "2018-06-10T05:29:56Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Yesterday, I heard one of my neighbours sounding distressed. Then there was the sound of slapping. She was being bitten by a mosquito, and she slapped it? ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/30 "2018-06-10T07:24:39Z")
They were high fiving each other. The “sounds of distress” were actually sounds of jubilation. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/31 "2018-06-10T08:08:07Z")
If you genuinely believe what you heard happened you should call your local domestic abuse hotline who will deal with it in a sensitive and confidential manner. I think you are in Scotland yes? In which case that would be [sdmafmh.gov.uk](http://sdmafmh.gov.uk). They have a phone number and an email address. Sent from my SM-T713 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/32 "2018-06-10T08:16:44Z")
Sorry, that should be [sdafmh.gov.uk](http://sdafmh.gov.uk) ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/33 "2018-06-10T14:22:05Z")
No, no, you’re doing it wrong. You’re supposed to describe the situation without identifying the gender of either party, so we assume that the man slapped the woman and recommend contacting the police. You then say “ah-HA!” and reveal the big twist. Having tricked us into admitting that domestic violence by women against men is a thing that exists, you chortle triumphantly as we all blush and run out of the room. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/34 "2018-06-10T15:24:07Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I think it’s a bad idea to get personally involved. Call the cops and let them sort it out. Yes, this. If they were being very loud you could call it in as just that, causing a disturbance and then let the police sort it out. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/35 "2018-06-10T15:27:34Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > Yes, this. If they were being very loud you could call it in as just that, causing a disturbance and then let the police sort it out. With the caveat that not all police forces are trustworthy, I’d recommend this. If your police tend to treat people with fairness and tend to prioritize peaceable resolutions to calls, call 'em. I think your evidence is super flimsy, but call 'em anyway, let them figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2018, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/36 "2018-06-10T15:36:49Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > Yes, this. If they were being very loud you could call it in as just that, causing a disturbance and then let the police sort it out. Since the noise stopped that’s a pretty nasty approach to the problem. It wastes public resources and exposes people to unnecessary government intervention in their lives. I had a neighbor once that saw criminals hiding behind every tree, I’m sure the police responded more slowly each time she called. She thought our house was being burglarized once, at least her motive was innocent this time, we had arrived home from vacation early to find smoke coming out of the furnace, it was dark out and she saw someone going back and forth from a van to our house, but it was the repairman. I explained to the officer who arrived what happened, then he said “OK, now I have to explain this to her” with a roll of his eyes because he’d had to deal with her before. Luckily police can’t ignore wolf crying once it’s called in (hopefully), but I bet they don’t try to break a land speed record to follow up on the report. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2018, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/37 "2018-06-11T19:23:42Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I have reported what I heard. I know the sound of a slap. I know how someone sounds when in distress. Believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see. I personally think you are making quite a leap in your assumptions and would get laughed out of court as a witness. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/38 "2018-06-11T19:27:49Z")
Perhaps one of them was about to put their hand on a hot stove and got slapped? ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2018, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/39 "2018-06-11T20:57:24Z")
I generally won’t get involved with an inter-couple dispute, from what I’ve experienced plus heard and read from people dealing with it, the victim will typically defend the attacker. I’d call the police if I heard or saw enough to conclude their was fighting going on, but ‘a slap’ can be way too many innocuous things for me to want to do anything with that. I definitely wouldn’t go up and start asking someone if they’re OK, I have no desire to be part of a triangulation scheme. This is regardless of the genders of anyone involved, or any weird belief that a slap will instantly remove someone’s makeup. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2018, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747/40 "2018-06-12T00:22:32Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Since the noise stopped that’s a pretty nasty approach to the problem. It wastes public resources and exposes people to unnecessary government intervention in their lives. I had a neighbor once that saw criminals hiding behind every tree, I’m sure the police responded more slowly each time she called. She thought our house was being burglarized once, at least her motive was innocent this time, we had arrived home from vacation early to find smoke coming out of the furnace, it was dark out and she saw someone going back and forth from a van to our house, but it was the repairman. I explained to the officer who arrived what happened, then he said “OK, now I have to explain this to her” with a roll of his eyes because he’d had to deal with her before. Luckily police can’t ignore wolf crying once it’s called in (hopefully), but I bet they don’t try to break a land speed record to follow up on the report. My bad on this, I went back and reread the OP and it appears there really wasn’t a disturbance going on. I think if the OP had reason to believe someone was being harmed then by all means the police should be called, but it sounds like his involvement was after the fact, not while the fighting/arguing was going on so I don’t know that there’s much the cops could or would do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-handle-this-incident-of-domestic-violence/815747.md?page=3)