# How should I make my apartment seem pretentious? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495 "2009-07-19T01:08:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/81 "2009-07-21T19:20:51Z")
pipes. Nobody has mentioned pipes yet. A large collection of dark-wood colored pipes, in a decorative stand,with several types of tobacco pouches casually laid alongside. Placed on the bookshelf, visible but not too prominently, next to the leather-bound editions of Plato, Aristotle, Bertrand Russell, and Wittgenstein. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/82 "2009-07-21T19:25:30Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Have a Manservant answer the door… and say, “Walk this way.” ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/83 "2009-07-21T19:30:03Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > He even had a fishtank with black and white pebbles (but no fish), just because he liked the way light went through it. This is one of the most entertaining ideas I’ve ever heard. Certainly solves that whole taking-care-of-the-fish problem, and it would be pretty easy to salt or otherwise poison the water to the point where nothing would grow. It would never need cleaning, the filter would never clog, the water would never need changing, and it would look pretty cool next to a window with sunlight, moonlight, or streetlight pouring through. This is one of the most pretentious ideas in the whole thread, and yet I’m irresistibly drawn to it. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/84 "2009-07-21T19:36:25Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > This is one of the most pretentious ideas in the whole thread, and yet I’m irresistibly drawn to it. It also has the devilish entertainment of watching people try to find the fish. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/85 "2009-07-21T19:49:21Z")
People keep talking about having chairs that are pretentious. I disagree. You need to completely forgo even having a chair around, and go with nothing but rugs and pillows as your seating options. Chairs are so authoritarian, man. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/86 "2009-07-21T19:58:45Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > This is one of the most entertaining ideas I’ve ever heard. Certainly solves that whole taking-care-of-the-fish problem, and it would be pretty easy to salt or otherwise poison the water to the point where nothing would grow. It would never need cleaning, the filter would never clog, the water would never need changing, and it would look pretty cool next to a window with sunlight, moonlight, or streetlight pouring through. > > This is one of the most pretentious ideas in the whole thread, and yet I’m irresistibly drawn to it. I agree that it is brilliant. Unfortunately, this thread has caused me to start to relapse and I can’t find my PA sponsor right now. My J. Peterman catalogs are on the way and I am looking at ads for a new 3-series BMW as an update to the ones that I used to have before I kicked the habit. I never gave the whole habit up however. My seven year old daughter is still in French immersion schooling and will be through high school. My circa 1760 antique house was selected as the Boston Globe’s home of the week a few months ago and I still have many copies of the article around including a few in my personal safe. I still carry my Ivy League ID card in my wallet. My advice to the OP is to start small but you also need to start saving some serious cash to support this lifestyle and image in the future. I always justified it to myself by thinking that I didn’t care what other people thought because I don’t simply because most of them are beneath me and I was only doing that stuff because I just wanted it. Only years of therapy would ever sort out that mind-screw. Being a really accomplished pretentious person isn’t just about art or material possessions though. You have to cultivate the skill of insulting people so subtly that they have no idea that they were ever insulted at all yet they still wonder. It takes years of practice but it provides endless internal entertainment when you do it right. This strategy is not a good way to make lots of friends but that isn’t the point as long as you are getting personal enjoyment out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Baracus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/87 "2009-07-21T21:04:50Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > People keep talking about having chairs that are pretentious. I disagree. You need to completely forgo even having a chair around, and go with nothing but rugs and pillows as your seating options. Chairs are so authoritarian, man. I think this should be extended to the bathroom as well. Get a squat toilet installed. Mention how you picked up on the benefits of using one while on sabbatical in Tibet. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/88 "2009-07-21T21:09:18Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Stock your entertainment center with foreign films (preferably with non-English titles) and express disgust whenever possible that they didn’t win Oscars. Non, non, the Oscars are too risible for a connoisseur to worry about or even follow. Express disgust that your favorite films were passed over for the Palme d’Or at Cannes. Also, with wine, remember that it isn’t just the wine, it’s a matter of what goes with what. Your merlot may taste like diesel fuel, but you bought it because it was the only thing you could find that went perfectly with oregano drizzled with basil sauce. ---
**Author:** ![tds1273](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df705f/32.png) [@tds1273](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tds1273)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/89 "2009-07-21T21:23:27Z")
One word: Levels! ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/90 "2009-07-21T22:40:08Z")
Bang & Olufsen electronics. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/91 "2009-07-21T23:16:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Have a Manservant answer the door and serve appetizers. > > Offer guests slippers and a place to leave their shoes. That’s not pretentious; that’s just Japanese. Oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/92 "2009-07-22T08:24:14Z")
Download 5 of any photographs on this page, hang them in frames in your bathroom. [http://www.themodernword.com/kafka/kafka\_images.html#kafka\_images](http://www.themodernword.com/kafka/kafka_images.html#kafka_images) ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/93 "2009-07-22T12:51:06Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > It also has the devilish entertainment of watching people try to find the fish. Surely a much better idea is to put a small, discreet sign at one corner of the tank saying ‘Taiwanese Chameleon Fish’. Let your guests stare at it for ages, trying to see if they can spot the beautifully camouflaged fish. You can make offhand remarks such as, ‘Oh I quite agree, she can be magnificently hard to find, she’s so clever’. ---
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/94 "2009-07-22T14:01:40Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > That doesn’t really strike me as pretentious. If _I_ was going to do such a thing, it would be a decision more along the lines of “One is good, lots is better!” I’d agree, hanging weapons on the wall is more on the tacky side. To be really pretentious you need to get an “antique” armour display and point out to visitors that it belonged to your ancestor Humberto who was beheaded in 1548 for his role in the rebellion against the grand duke of Floggenheim. And also you need to get a family tree printed up that prominently shows you as closely related to Charlemagne and Cicero. All the other names you can make up as you go along, but you’re nobody without those two. Of course, if anyone questions that your great-grandfather was the king of Serbia, you’ll just look at them and say “We don’t talk about that any more.”. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/95 "2009-07-22T15:14:38Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > Hmmm… apparently I’m a pretentious twat. > > See, I don’t just have Asterix and Tintin in French… I have VINTAGE 1960s editions of Asterix and Tintin in French. Plus a couple of Jo et Zette books for good measure, also in French. > > Besides the Asterix and Tintin, the rest of the bookshelves are crammed full of design-related books, vintage cookbooks, back issues of Gourmet from the 1970s and some esoteric magazines about art, design and CG effects. Plus several very expensive Phaeton Press coffee table books sitting atop our sleek modern Ikea coffee table. > > Which brings us to the living room, which is furnished with several pieces of mid-century modern so-ugly-its-awesome-again furniture in the living and dining rooms (Exhibit A:[The Ugly Orange Chair](http://www.flickr.com/photos/polkaroo/2322293759/in/set-72157605667074395/)). We’ve paired them with an ironic shag run for maximum effect. > > I guess we won’t even mention the sizeable of art painted by various friends or purchased from local artists or brought home from trips abroad. Or the photos of us in various awesome hipster-approved places like Barcelona and NYC. > > Oh, and I have very expensive organic cocoa powder in the pantry, a panini maker and an espresso machine on the counter, and a Le Creuset on the stovetop. > > I’ma go take a shower now. I feel so very dirty. ☹ > > (Apparently, all it takes to be a pretentious twat is to live with someone who graduated from art school and be a bilingual 30-something with a crafty/foodie bent… go figure) You are adorable and I LOVE your hair…but your pics do have an air of pretentiousness. But not even a little bit twatty! This is coming from a chick who decorates with her kid’s notebook paper drawings and has a twin bed serving as a sofa in the living room so my opinion doesn’t matter much. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/96 "2009-07-22T16:43:06Z")
Hey, _I_ have Bentley auto catalogues and brochures! They’re a few years old, but who’d know the difference? [sub]I got them when I went to the Auto Show here in Detroit during Industry Week (my brother worked designing stereos for cars at a well-known audio company) and we got to sit in the Bentleys. The rep there, with a great Indian-Scottish accent, told me to hold onto them because not many people ever get them. Then I actually see people _selling them on ebay_ for a couple hundred bucks. People who buy them? Pretentious to the max![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/97 "2009-07-22T16:49:31Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > Hmmm… apparently I’m a pretentious twat. > > See, I don’t just have Asterix and Tintin in French… I have VINTAGE 1960s editions of Asterix and Tintin in French. Plus a couple of Jo et Zette books for good measure, also in French. > > Besides the Asterix and Tintin, the rest of the bookshelves are crammed full of design-related books, vintage cookbooks, back issues of Gourmet from the 1970s and some esoteric magazines about art, design and CG effects. Plus several very expensive Phaeton Press coffee table books sitting atop our sleek modern Ikea coffee table. > > Which brings us to the living room, which is furnished with several pieces of mid-century modern so-ugly-its-awesome-again furniture in the living and dining rooms (Exhibit A:[The Ugly Orange Chair](http://www.flickr.com/photos/polkaroo/2322293759/in/set-72157605667074395/)). We’ve paired them with an ironic shag run for maximum effect. > > I guess we won’t even mention the sizeable of art painted by various friends or purchased from local artists or brought home from trips abroad. Or the photos of us in various awesome hipster-approved places like Barcelona and NYC. > > Oh, and I have very expensive organic cocoa powder in the pantry, a panini maker and an espresso machine on the counter, and a Le Creuset on the stovetop. > > I’ma go take a shower now. I feel so very dirty. ☹ > > (Apparently, all it takes to be a pretentious twat is to live with someone who graduated from art school and be a bilingual 30-something with a crafty/foodie bent… go figure) Nobody truly pretentious has bookshelves “crammed full” of anything. The _tres_-hip books must be arranged in minimalistic splendor, to highlight your exquisite taste. With all that variety, your collection might include stuff that you obtained because you like it–not because you care what others think. Why, the cookbooks might even show signs that you’ve actually _used_ them! And posting kitty pictures on the 'net also knocks your pretention quotient down considerably… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/98 "2009-07-22T16:50:10Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > As someone clarified upthread, it’s only pretentious to have Asterix or Tintin books in French _if you can’t speak French_. > > However, Asterix books in Latin are _always_ pretentious, even if you can speak fluent Latin. 😉 Even if you’re the Pope? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/99 "2009-07-22T17:22:20Z")
> [@manila](#): > > Download 5 of any photographs on this page, hang them in frames in your bathroom. > > [http://www.themodernword.com/kafka/kafka\_images.html#kafka\_images](http://www.themodernword.com/kafka/kafka_images.html#kafka_images) Not any 5 - two of them have to be Kafka’s parents, to be displayed prominently. Guest: Oh - are these your parents? You: Uh, no. They’re \*Kafka’s \*parents. Guest: 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495/100 "2009-07-22T19:09:26Z")
Set up a medium-sized bookshelf. Say, 4 feet high and 3 feet wide. Get a small ladder and put wheels on the bottom and attach it (via some sort of rail, so it can go from side to side) to the bookshelf. Invite visitors to join you in the library. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-make-my-apartment-seem-pretentious/503495.md?page=6)