# How should I reply to this petty, petty complaint? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050 "2009-05-29T17:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/1 "2009-05-29T17:30:33Z")
One of my fellow managers sent me an email earlier complaining that I am buying my team of inside sales people lunch today. I do this on the last Friday of the month when the team exceeds its productivity goals\* by a set amount. She feels that I do this too often and that it makes her look bad to her team for not doing likewise. According to her, the free lunches should come at most once a quarter, and should only be done when the team exceeds its sales goals\*\* rather than the productivity goals. She also avers that I am undercutting her practice, which is to issue write-ups for people who don’t meet their goals. Her team is trending more than ten percent below its sales goals for the first half of the year. They are just barely meeting their productivity goals. Mine has exceeded both its sales and productivity goals. Oh, and **I** am paying for the lunch, not the company. How should I respond to this…person?\*\*\* Maximum vituperation, please. 🙂 \*I.E., number of calls made per week, number of unique customers contacted per week, and amount of time spent on the phone per week. \*\*New business brought in and existing business grown, obviously. \*\*\*No, I’m not actually going to tell her to FOAD. I am not a complete moron. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/2 "2009-05-29T17:36:40Z")
If you don’t answer to her, you don’t owe her any sort of response. If she asks you about it later, just say “Oh, that? Since you’re not my manager, I assumed you were venting about your team’s poor performance and I just happened to be the undeserving target that day. I’m actually shocked that you expected a response!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/3 "2009-05-29T17:40:10Z")
Just agree with her and promise to do as she asks. Then forge on as normal. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/4 "2009-05-29T17:42:14Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > If you don’t answer to her, you don’t owe her any sort of response. If she asks you about it later, just say “Oh, that? Since you’re not my manager, I assumed you were venting about your team’s poor performance and I just happened to be the undeserving target that day. I’m actually shocked that you expected a response!” This is my fault. I wasn’t asking for serious advice on how to response, as I intend to ignore her. I was looking for amusing responses whiich I won’t use. Hence “maximum vituperation.” ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/5 "2009-05-29T17:43:23Z")
Tell her that you have found the carrot approach of rewarding incremental success works better for your team than the stick approach of punishing occasional shortcomings and that your team success rate appears to bear that out. Since your performance is evaluated based on the success of your team, you’re going to continue doing what works, but you appreciate her concerns. Say it all with the calmest smile you can muster. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/6 "2009-05-29T17:44:30Z")
Get your team kazoos. Then when the numbers come in and your team produces higher numbers than hers they can all play their kazoos and march around the office and into her space in a self-congratulatory parade. When she gets offended tell her they liked this idea better than the lunch thing anyway. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/7 "2009-05-29T17:45:39Z")
Ah, OK. Tell her it’s because you’re better than her. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/8 "2009-05-29T17:46:20Z")
> [@FallenAngel](#): > > Tell her that you have found the carrot approach of rewarding incremental success works better for your team than the stick approach of punishing occasional shortcomings and that your team success rate appears to bear that out. Since your performance is evaluated based on the success of your team, you’re going to continue doing what works, but you appreciate her concerns. > > Say it all with the calmest smile you can muster. Hmm. I suppose I could program Word’s auto-correct feature to change the word “nitwit” to her name whenever it’s typed, and then write a note with all that, but addressing frequently by name, so I’d have the experience of frequently calling her “nitwit” without the repercussions. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/9 "2009-05-29T17:47:47Z")
Forward her complaint email to your boss, ask in a neutral tone what their take is on it. No really. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/10 "2009-05-29T17:49:02Z")
Oh, and copy her on the email to your boss. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/11 "2009-05-29T17:50:16Z")
Reply: I am aware that your team doesn’t do to well and your funds are limited by the nonexistent bonus you receive. I however can afford to give my team what I consider a reward for performance. Better luck at your next job. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/12 "2009-05-29T17:51:08Z")
Buy her team lunch, for no particular reason. She will look like a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/13 "2009-05-29T17:51:50Z")
Take\* her\* team out to lunch. Don’t invite her. At lunch, tell them you feel sorry that they have to work for such an idiot. On second thought, _do_ invite her. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/14 "2009-05-29T17:53:11Z")
Read the e-mail out loud to your team in private, and then invite her to the lunch. Make sure you point out every person’s individual accomplishments, and the team’s, and how proud you are of all of them. Your team, I’m sure, will be glad to help you with sarcastic inside jokes and snorting their drinks through their noses. ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/15 "2009-05-29T17:55:40Z")
"Hmmm… It appears you haven’t realized the relationship between the productivity goals and the sales goals. Also, you seem to have failed to note that by using punishment as a motivator, you get, to quote ‘Office Space,’ a bunch of people who will work just hard enough not to get fired. How I spend my discretionary income is none of your business." ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/16 "2009-05-29T17:57:31Z")
Tell her to fuck off and die. Oh wait – No, yeah, on second thought, go ahead and tell her to fuck off and die anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/17 "2009-05-29T17:58:13Z")
Fortunately, the SDMB has already provided you with the right response: Lick my hairy nutsack, you crazy-ass bitch. Feel free to abbreviate. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/18 "2009-05-29T18:01:12Z")
Lots of good options here - just don’t take the passive-aggressive route. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/19 "2009-05-29T18:03:41Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > Lots of good options here - just don’t take the passive-aggressive route. He’s right: be really aggressive. Buy a bunch of gasoline and burn “[name of your sales team] RULES!” into her lawn. Then salt the earth so no grass will ever grow there again. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/20 "2009-05-29T18:04:34Z")
Keeping with the SDMB theme, walk into her area, drop trou, and scream “WOO! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHERFUCK!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050.md?page=2)