# How should I reply to this petty, petty complaint? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 29, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050 "2009-05-29T17:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/41 "2009-05-29T20:13:10Z")
Start taking your team out on Mondays for their reward lunch. When she complains, you can respond withan ‘Oh, I thought it was the FRIDAY thing that upset you, not the lunch thing.’ ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/42 "2009-05-29T20:26:02Z")
Dear Other Manager, I am very sorry my superior motivational practices have revealed your complete and utter inadequacy in your present position. I am willing to stop providing the motivational lunches for my staff in exchange for a suitable substitute. I suggest that one possible suitable substitute would be to have you appear at my team meeting to fellate a barnyard animal of my choosing for the amusement of my staff. Warmest personal regards, Skald the Rhymer ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/43 "2009-05-29T20:40:34Z")
In the passive-aggressive category, I vote for bringing doggy bags with scraps back for her team. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/44 "2009-05-29T20:41:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > She feels that I do this too often and that it makes her look bad to her team for not doing likewise. > > She also avers that I am undercutting her practice, which is to issue write-ups for people who don’t meet their goals. > > Her team is trending more than ten percent below its sales goals for the first half of the year. > > Mine has exceeded both its sales and productivity goals. I’m reminded a bit of Bear Bryant\*. Offer to switch teams, so that her people would get an opportunity to exceed their goals and get some free lunch, but only for a while, because you don’t want your current team to turn into miserable failures. _Football coach, it was said that he could "Take his’n_\* and beat your’n, and then take your’n and beat his’n." \*\*No, I don’t know why this quote is always spelled this way ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/45 "2009-05-29T20:42:48Z")
I think \*\*Harriet \*\*just won the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/46 "2009-05-29T20:47:41Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I’m reminded a bit of Bear Bryant\*. Offer to switch teams, so that her people would get an opportunity to exceed their goals and get some free lunch, but only for a while, because you don’t want your current team to turn into miserable failures. > > _Football coach, it was said that he could "Take his’n_\* and beat your’n, and then take your’n and beat his’n." > > \*\*No, I don’t know why this quote is always spelled this way Point of Order: Paul “Bear” Bryant was no mere ordinary football coach. He’s a legend in Alabama, widely rumored to have had the ability to walk on water. The entire state went in to shock when He failed to rise from the grave on the third day, like He did the first time He died. SEC Football is serious bidness. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/47 "2009-05-29T20:52:46Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > In the passive-aggressive category, I vote for bringing doggy bags with scraps back for her team. Um…isn’t that being mean to her TEAM rather than her? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/48 "2009-05-29T20:53:28Z")
Not if you hand the bag to her, **Skald**. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/49 "2009-05-29T21:21:48Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Buy a bunch of gasoline and burn “[name of your sales team] RULES!” into her lawn. Then salt the earth so no grass will ever grow there again. For maximum effect, do it naked while screaming the phrase repeatedly, jumping around, brandishing a cudgel, with your face and body painted with eldritch designs, at night while she’s at home. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/50 "2009-05-29T23:18:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Um…isn’t that being mean to her TEAM rather than her? There might indeed be some collateral damage to her team. Sometimes maximum vituperation is hard to contain. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/51 "2009-05-29T23:23:03Z")
Kill everyone in the whole world, except your own team. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/52 "2009-05-29T23:33:24Z")
I’d go with something a little more on her level: My team’s better than your team Ner ner-ner ner nerrrr ner ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/53 "2009-05-30T00:18:47Z")
Tell her the writeups are an excellent idea and that you will begin putting a write up commending your good performers in their HR files. ---
**Author:** ![movingfinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@movingfinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/movingfinger)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/54 "2009-05-30T04:51:44Z")
“I think you should be aware that some idiot is using your computer to send out incomprehensible and illiterate e-mails and putting your name to them. You may have a security problem.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/55 "2009-05-30T14:06:23Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Tell her the writeups are an excellent idea and that you will begin putting a write up commending your good performers in their HR files. You know, I should actually do the latter half of that. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/56 "2009-05-30T14:38:26Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Of course, I’m not going to actually respond to her, as I hate her so that the only reason it doesn’t endanger my immortal soul is that I don’t have one. But if I were going to break my rule on never interacting with her unless absolutely necessary, I’d go with this one. **WhyNot’s** suggestion would get my vote, too, if you were ever to lower yourself to respond to her. Just the right combo of corporate cheerleading and bitchiness! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/57 "2009-05-30T14:55:33Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > **WhyNot’s** suggestion would get my vote, too, if you were ever to lower yourself to respond to her. Just the right combo of corporate cheerleading and bitchiness! I used to be a very good manager, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/58 "2009-05-30T17:02:45Z")
Just respond, “Lunch? You think I’m buying them lunch? That’s just a cover for the hookers and blow. I’m relieved word hasn’t leaked out.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/59 "2009-05-30T17:13:35Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Kill everyone in the whole world, except your own team. Fool of a Took! That would involve killing YOU TOO! ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050/60 "2009-05-30T17:21:08Z")
I’d respond by saying the main reason behind your actions are: > [@](#): > > OCD. Also I enjoy filling out these little boxes. This explanation is an anagram, by the way, unless I’m lying. and revel as she tries to figure out wtf is going on in that sentence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-reply-to-this-petty-petty-complaint/498050.md?page=4)