# How should I respond to aggression **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2011, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457 "2011-04-15T06:04:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/21 "2011-04-17T19:34:32Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Using asterisks doesn’t really hide your homophobia here. Instead of trying to pretend what you’re saying isn’t homophobic, please refrain from posting homophobic remarks. > > Thanks, > > **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator Not to excuse it, but there’s some context here - I think **Sleepy Duck** was riffing on Kobe Bryant’s recent ranting at a referee. I have to agree with others, **Imasquare** - the son shouldn’t have gotten so aggressive with you, but you were kind of butting into business that wasn’t yours to butt into. I’d leave this family to their own dramas. Just have minimal contact with the son until you move out, and no contact at all afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![Marc\_Xenos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Marc\_Xenos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marc_Xenos)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/22 "2011-04-18T04:59:47Z")
> [@Imasquare](#): > > I do not want to let this sort of behavior go unanswered but know not how to respond. What can I do? You can’t control your external environment, only your reaction to it. The amount of reaction depends upon your expected accomplishment. What, exactly, do you expect to happen if his behavior is called out? Is it likely to be what you expect? Is it likely to be beneficial to you? Is it all a quixotic expectation of “justice” where none has evident before? Putting myself in your shoes, I would not put up with it. Since I’m living in someone else’s house, AND it seems that he holds more favor than you, I’d simply find another place to live. Since you already will be doing that in two weeks, then you’re already on the solution. Unless you have good reason to believe you’ll encounter similar behavior within two weeks, there should be no reason to worry. I’m sure you’ve already been living there for more than two weeks without such confrontation in the past. As for forgiving him, nothing requires that you do so. Nor must you do so for the sake of maintaining friendship with his family. If that is a requirement, then your friendship holds less importance than YOU do. Nothing requires that you end the friendship bitterly, nor even with any kind of announcement. Just start avoiding the family. If asked why, simply state your confrontation with him. If they immediately defend him, then you know your decision was correct. It’s quite likely that it will never even be an issue, though. As for him seeing retribution or punishment for his actions, you’ve already stated that it’s unlikely. Why stress yourself further over something that will not be a future problem? Every single human encounter does not demand “justice”. A guiding precept in the martial arts is that “it’s not so important that you win; just that you don’t have to lose.” ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/23 "2011-04-18T09:41:25Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So this whole performance was done in full view of his mom as well as you? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/24 "2011-04-18T09:43:55Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > For the record, I think you were way out of line. You butted into another family’s business. You shouldn’t do that. > > It sounds to me like you were offensive to this man and he offended you back. If anything, you should apologise for butting into something that wasn’t your business, and leave the issue of his behaviour out of it completely. Yes maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/25 "2011-04-18T09:46:33Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > You called him a bastard and didn’t expect him to cuss back at you? Grow up. I’m trying to, believe me. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/26 "2011-04-18T09:48:24Z")
I think it’s time to move on. If you can’t just pick up and leave their house, you’re no better than he is. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/27 "2011-04-18T09:51:30Z")
Thanks for the advice everyone. A lot of you say I brought it upon myself and I agree. And of course not responding with more aggression of my own is excellent advice. Luckily I am moving out next weekend, and in the meantime it’s as if nothing has happened. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/28 "2011-04-18T11:40:04Z")
Sounds like an excellent outcome all round then! ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457/29 "2011-04-19T02:07:50Z")
Eh, who among us has perfect integrity. **Imasquare** has probably been biting her tongue around this kid for years. Now, when she knows it’s over and she has nothing to lose, she vents a bit. And as for it not being her business, isn’t it to some degree? Based on her second post, she’s been an invaluable employee to his parents. And she’s not a freeloader; she works for room and board. Why shouldn’t she tell the kid he’s hurting his parents’ business? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-should-i-respond-to-aggression/578457.md?page=1)