# How soon after meeting a girl is it acceptable to ask if she's single? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2008, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090 "2008-01-11T05:01:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/21 "2008-01-11T15:22:16Z")
Ask for her phone number instead. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/22 "2008-01-11T15:38:26Z")
I’ve never minded being asked that question. The funniest time was driving on a 4 lane highway. A nice looking man made eye contact with me while driving in the next lane. I smiled back and he held out his left hand towards me, motioning the question “Do you have a ring here?” I smiled back and motioned “Yes, I do.” and he waved and went on past me. No problem. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/23 "2008-01-11T15:42:06Z")
I’ve always liked the faux subtle ‘Well what sort of movies does your _boyfriend_ like?’-type question with an obvious leer, because he knows I know what he’s doing and it puts less pressure on us both. ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/24 "2008-01-11T15:49:59Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] One would think that that would get you slapped. [/QUOTE] Gosh, no. If she’s interested and available, she’ll accept. If she’s not interested and available, it gives her a convenient way to let you down easily without hurting your feelings. And if she’s not available (interested or otherwise), it’s quite likely that she’ll be flattered to know that she’s still got some of that mojo - a small minority may be offended, but at that point it’s their problem, not yours. Once existence of the SO has been established, it’s another story entirely. It’s one thing to have someone ask you out on the assumption that you might be single, but it’s definitely creepy to have them ask you out when they know full well there’s someone in the picture. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/25 "2008-01-11T15:59:27Z")
[QUOTE=Mahna Mahna] Gosh, no. [/QUOTE] Huh, I guess the point of my joke was lost. Let’s try it again with slightly different punctuation. “hey, I don’t know if you’re seeing someone or whatever, but would you like to insert invitation here?” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/26 "2008-01-11T16:33:32Z")
Best to just start your game as you would play it as if they were single and then break it off at your own level of comfort as far as persuing it further goes. If dating or engaged or married doesn’t bother you, and there’s plenty of people who it does not, then keep playing. Plenty of people are as honest as their options go. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/27 "2008-01-11T16:49:10Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] Eeeeh? When I was in college, guys back home assumed I had a boyfriend in college and therefore didn’t ask me out. Guys at college assumed I had a boyfriend back home and therefore didn’t ask me out. [/quote] I have two questions for you: (1) Were you an attractive woman in college? (2) Did you ever say “I’m kinda seeing someone” as a way of rejecting the advances of a man you weren’t terribly interested in? > [@](#): > > The best time is when you realize you’d like to go out with her. And the best way to ask is what **Millit** said: “hey, I don’t know if you’re seeing someone or whatever, but would you like to \?” As a woman, you might prefer that, because it makes it easier for you to turn somebody down by saying “Actually I’m kinda seeing someone” However, from a guy’s point of view, it’s better to simply hit on the girl without giving her an easy way to blow you off. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/28 "2008-01-11T16:52:42Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Best to just start your game as you would play it as if they were single and then break it off at your own level of comfort as far as persuing it further goes. [/QUOTE] Best answer is right here IMHO. Her relationship status is her concern. There are plenty of scenarios that could end with both of you having something wonderful. Plenty of people are in bad or less than ideal relationships. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/29 "2008-01-11T17:05:06Z")
[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies] Bitter much? [/QUOTE] Like me this person is bitter in the face of truth. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/30 "2008-01-11T17:17:27Z")
I don’t think it makes much difference from the female perspective if you ask if she’s seeing anyone or if you ask her out. She will take either as a sign of interest. If the OP is somewhat concerned about fallout from asking out girls who are dating guys who would take offense at having their girlfriends asked out, he might want to go ahead and ask either the girl or her friend before making his move. That seems to be the only critical timing issue: if you are going to verify single status, do it before asking for date/professing your love, not after. If she says she’s seeing someone, it is either 1) true or 2) a conflict-avoiding way of saying she’s not interested. ---
**Author:** ![sockswsandals](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@sockswsandals](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sockswsandals)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/31 "2008-01-11T17:57:02Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] Note to that neighbor: if he’s asking you whether another girl is available, he likely wouldn’t be interested in you if you went to his bedroom naked, holding a condom and asking whether he minds helping you learn how to put one on a guy. [/QUOTE] Hopefully I am being whooshed here in a typical internet-is-a-poor-medium-for-sarcasm scenario, but I feel that you are far underestimating the average human male’s libido here. Edit: To stay on topic, it depends. A stranger that you like ideally upon the first meeting. If it is a friend’s friend I suppose I’d perhaps inquire first as to my prospects with said mutal friend. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090/32 "2008-01-11T19:09:25Z")
[QUOTE=Harriet the Spry] That seems to be the only critical timing issue: if you are going to verify single status, do it before asking for date/professing your love, not after. If she says she’s seeing someone, it is either 1) true or 2) a conflict-avoiding way of saying she’s not interested. [/QUOTE] This, IMHO, is why it might be a good idea to not even care. There could be many reasons she says she has a boyfriend, only one of which is that she actually has one. Maybe she’s seeing someone but isn’t that into him. Maybe she’s shutting you out. Maybe she’s still sort of involved with her high school sweetheart back in Omaha, but not really. (That can sometimes be the case with college women.) Maybe she just doesn’t want to come off as unattached. At any rate, once she says yes, it’s game over. If you don’t ask, you’ve given her a chance to change her answer. She has no face to save. On the flip side, asking right off the bat could save you a lot of time. At any rate, it’s a bad idea to declare your undying love until you’ve been married to her for three years. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-after-meeting-a-girl-is-it-acceptable-to-ask-if-shes-single/433090.md?page=1)