# How soon to contact after 1st date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 14, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160 "2004-02-14T04:08:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/1 "2004-02-14T04:08:28Z")
So I went on a date Thursday evening. It was kind of a blind date; she found my friendster profile, sent a message, we e-mailed a few times, then decided to get together. I’ll spare you guys all the details, but we went for coffee and conversation, and I had a great time. So, I’m thinking I want to send her an e-mail (don’t have phone # at this point) just saying I had a great time and would love to get together again sometime soon. Now, I know soon doesn’t actually mean soon; I’m really busy the next few days, and she’s going to visit friends out of state early next week. I’m thinking that just waiting until she’s back from Chicago is too long to wait, but I also don’t want to be over bearing/eager. Opinions? ---
**Author:** ![Toddly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/22d042/32.png) [@Toddly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toddly)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/2 "2004-02-14T04:47:10Z")
If I was you I wouldn’t wait more than a day. I don’t think it would make you look needy and whats wrong with being eager. Tell her how you feel and ask to get together again when she returns from Chicago. It sure beats thinking about it all the time. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/3 "2004-02-14T04:49:22Z")
Nothing wrong with sending a quick note the next next morning saying thanks for the great time, let’s do it again when you get back. Jesus, why fuck around with stupid mind games. Haj ---
**Author:** ![leafrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@leafrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leafrog)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/4 "2004-02-14T05:25:48Z")
Definitely send a message soon. **hajario** is right, don’t play games or second guess yourself or try to follow some sort of ‘rule’. Just let the woman know you had a good time and would like to see her again. We like that kind of stuff. 🙂 And if she isn’t interested? Well, the sooner you can move on, right? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/5 "2004-02-14T08:13:43Z")
I concur. With added characters to make it postable. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/6 "2004-02-14T12:23:20Z")
From a woman’s point of view, I have to agree with what’s already been said. Nothing wrong with just a quick note the next day. No, you won’t look needy, and she will probably be pleasantly surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/7 "2004-02-14T12:38:57Z")
Eager is good. Over bearing is not good. Calling or e-mailing once then next day is eager, not over bearing. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/8 "2004-02-14T12:40:17Z")
A quick email is perfectly appropriate for the next day, fire away! Phone calls are another story, since it seems weird to call, say “I had a nice time.” then hang up, you have to have a conversation, which might be a bit much the very next day. YMMV, void where prohibited. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/9 "2004-02-14T15:32:25Z")
As a woman, if I had a good time, I always send an email the next morning saying “I had a good time.” I don’t see it as needy at all, more like a thank-you for a pleasant evening. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/10 "2004-02-14T16:16:33Z")
If I wanted to see her again I would have asked her for another date before we parted company. But that’s just me. Contact her at once, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Carm6773](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2bfe46/32.png) [@Carm6773](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carm6773)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/11 "2004-02-14T16:23:32Z")
I agree with what has already been said. Finding an email the next morning saying “I had a great time, let’s do it again.” is nice. It doesn’t make you seem eager/overbearing. As a matter of fact, it makes you look sweet. BTW, my husband followed the above course of action about 3.5 years ago. We will celebrate 2 years of marriage on March 23rd. Best of luck, and keep us posted! ---
**Author:** ![UselessGit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/74df32/32.png) [@UselessGit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UselessGit)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/12 "2004-02-14T16:24:51Z")
I always talk to the women I date the day after - sometimes even the morning after. Little niceties like “Wakey wakey, time for someone to order a cab.” go a long way IME. ---
**Author:** ![eman77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f04885/32.png) [@eman77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eman77)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/13 "2004-02-14T18:41:15Z")
A quick note is fine, but keep it short. Whether or not you should play games, I’m not sure, I don’t know how old you guys are. The good thing is that you seem busy. Women love that. But don’t mention another get together right away and since you don’t have a phone it sounds like you’re in luck. And anyways to spare yourself some heartbreak just in case this doesn’t work out, try not to think of her too much and get obsessed. There’s nothing needier than that. Think of her as just another girl. That way you won’t get so nervous next time you guys meet and you’ll actually be more confident than you actually are. I know you’ve heard it a million times but there’s nothing women find more attractive than confidence. Money, fame, and looks aside of course. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/14 "2004-02-14T19:41:56Z")
Email, the next day, calling I would wait for one weekend to pass. IMHO. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![freewill39](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d2c977/32.png) [@freewill39](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freewill39)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/15 "2004-02-14T20:37:05Z")
> [@eman77](#): > > A quick note is fine, but keep it short. Whether or not you should play games, I’m not sure, I don’t know how old you guys are. The good thing is that you seem busy. Women love that. But don’t mention another get together right away and since you don’t have a phone it sounds like you’re in luck. And anyways to spare yourself some heartbreak just in case this doesn’t work out, try not to think of her too much and get obsessed. There’s nothing needier than that. Think of her as just another girl. That way you won’t get so nervous next time you guys meet and you’ll actually be more confident than you actually are. I know you’ve heard it a million times but there’s nothing women find more attractive than confidence. Money, fame, and looks aside of course. Eman, I think you’ve nailed it on the head. Whether or not you’re needy or desperate or just sincere, in today’s society, we unfortunately do have to contend with the stigmas created by the various actions of those who came before us. That being said, you totally want to let her know that you had a good time, and hope to hear from her soon. Keep the email light, write it with a smile. Remind her that you don’t have a phone, but she can email you back and say hello if she would like to. No pressure, keep it light, let her know you’re interested, and leave it in her court. That will let her know that you are secure with the whole thing. If she doesn’t get back to you, then it probably means one of a couple of things: either she’s not interested, she’s playing games (in either case I’d suggest you just move on), or she just hasn’t checked her email, in which case she’ll get back to you when she does, no biggie. If you don’t hear back from her, give her until say, a couple of days after she returns from her trip, give her the benefit of the doubt, and send her another email or a quick phone call. Then leave the ball in her court again. If you don’t get an enthusiastic response after that, then se la vei. Good luck! If you guys had a good time on the first date, that’s huge! Hope it all works out. (-: - Freewill39. ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/16 "2004-02-14T20:41:42Z")
I agree, next day! Even if you only say you had a good time and don’t ask for another date, if you don’t write an email she will be wondering if whether you only pretended to have fun. ---
**Author:** ![aoty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9e8a1a/32.png) [@aoty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aoty)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/17 "2004-02-15T13:17:11Z")
Back when I was dating, I made it a point to call the next day and tell her that I enjoyed our evening and that I hoped we could see each other again. This followup worked very well for me. > [@Eonwe](#): > > So I went on a date Thursday evening. It was kind of a blind date; she found my friendster profile, sent a message, we e-mailed a few times, then decided to get together. > > I’ll spare you guys all the details, but we went for coffee and conversation, and I had a great time. > > So, I’m thinking I want to send her an e-mail (don’t have phone # at this point) just saying I had a great time and would love to get together again sometime soon. Now, I know soon doesn’t actually mean soon; I’m really busy the next few days, and she’s going to visit friends out of state early next week. > > I’m thinking that just waiting until she’s back from Chicago is too long to wait, but I also don’t want to be over bearing/eager. > > Opinions? ---
**Author:** ![GUINNESS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@GUINNESS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GUINNESS)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/18 "2004-02-15T13:27:41Z")
…from the classic…“SWINGERS” Mike: So how long do I wait to call? Trent: A day. Mike: Tomorrow. Sue: Tomorrow, then a day. Trent: Yeah. Mike: So two days? Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days. Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard. Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it’s like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think? Sue: Yeah, but two’s enough not to look anxious. Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you… Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I’ll wait 3 weeks. How’s that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number. Charles: Then ask her where you met her. Mike: Yeah, I’ll ask her where I met her. I don’t remember. What does she look like? And then I’ll asked if we fucked. Is that… would that be… T, would that be the money? Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who’s ready to party. Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies? Trent, Sue: Six days ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/19 "2004-02-15T15:31:43Z")
Thanks everyone (and funny quote, **GUINNESS** ). I did send a brief note. Haven’t heard back yet, so we’ll see what happens. I’ll let you all know if there’s an **Eonwe** -Date: The Sequel. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160/20 "2004-02-16T11:02:09Z")
Now, **Eonwe** , I’ll be back at work today, so I think we should have a little email chat about all this. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-soon-to-contact-after-1st-date/229160.md?page=2)