# How tacky is it to propose marriage without a ring?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [June 10, 2008, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410 "2008-06-10T03:50:47Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/21 "2008-06-10T11:05:03Z")
ETA: Meant to say as well that I knew she wasn’t overly fond of diamonds (nor am I). We ended up finding a nice ruby with diamond accents. Ironically, she tried some on and I withheld my comments till she picked. It turned out we liked the same one best. Had I gone on my own, I would have picked the right one.
Too bad we couldn’t agree on more things like that during the marriage. :smack:
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### Author:  [@MarcusF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MarcusF)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/22 "2008-06-10T12:06:22Z")
I proposed without a ring 'cos I knew that Mrs Marcus-to-be would want to be in on the choosing. After all - she’s the one that is going to be wearing it!
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/23 "2008-06-10T12:24:07Z")
When Lady Lacha & myself got married, we were so poor that I couldn’t even hope to buy her a fake ring. Instead, as a show of solidarity, I formally had my name hyphenated with hers. A few years on, I managed to get her a gold band with a teeny-tiny itsy-bitsy diamond flake inset. A couple of years ago, I went one better and got her a band with a small diamond you could see without a jeweler’s loupe. She still wears that first ring, and happily; she saves the more showy one for special occasions – like the times she gets to wear the Tiffany’s gear I bought her. 😃
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### Author:  [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/24 "2008-06-10T12:24:48Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight]
See, to me, this is one of things where, if I weren’t 100% sure of the answer, I’d have my doubts about the marriage in general. You don’t know if your possi-fiancee is traditional or not? If she likes jewelry? Have you talked weddings, in general? Her ideas about that (city hall vs. 1,000-person event) are probably a good indicator of what she’s looking for in a proposal.
[/QUOTE]
We’ve talked weddings in general, sure. I’m just nervous about the answer and really had no idea how normal it’d be to propose without a ring. I like the idea of giving something else, like a stand-in ring or another token of affection.
Getting an answer and then picking out rings together certainly seems smarter, now that I’m thinking of it. Thanks for the responses; I’m feeling a lot better about this now.
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/25 "2008-06-10T12:44:40Z")
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
When I proposed to my ex, I didn’t have a ring. For one thing it wasn’t planned:
Me: Want to get married?
Her: OK.
[/QUOTE]
After nearly 18 years married, I still tease Mr. S that he never actually _asked_ me. He more or less just dropped it into the middle of a conversation about how far he had to commute to work:
Him: . . . it’d just be so much easier if we lived here, so I suppose we could just get married . . .
Me: Yeah, let’s just do that.
Both: SQUEE!
But like **WhyNot** and **CairoCarol** , it was pretty much a foregone conclusion by then.
We didn’t buy me a ring for about six months. It’s an anniversary ring because I don’t like big rocks. If I were choosing one now it would probably be made by an artisan rather than come from a traditional jeweler. We’re thinking about getting new rings for our 20th.
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### Author:  [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/26 "2008-06-10T13:20:46Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
After we decided, she told me not to get a ring. She’s not much into jewelery and thought it would be a waste of money. She didn’t have to tell _me_ twice. We got a couple of simple gold wedding bands, and that was that. She never wore an engagement ring.
[/QUOTE]
I’m with her. I don’t have an engagement ring, only a wedding band.
My husband proposed to me over a plate of pasta at the Italian joint up the street. Neither of us had much money. I’m not a jewelery nut (pierced ears and that’s it). My job entails work where ring-wearing is considered a liability. For the life of me, I honestly cannot see why the hoopla over a rock, but hey, different strokes :shrug:
He was thoroughly puzzled when he apologized for not having a ring. Evidently his sisters all went ga-ga when they got engaged. I’m like, well, I’m a practical woman. Why spend $ on a rock that I’m not going to wear?
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### Author:  [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/27 "2008-06-10T13:24:59Z")
My husband proposed without a ring, and together we designed a ring and had it custom-made.
One of my sorority sisters got a sapphire ring for Christmas, with the question, “Will you marry me? If no, this is your Christmas present. If yes, this is your temporary engagement ring.” Makes little sense, but she loved it.
Another of my sisters got a proposal and instructions that she was to buy her own ring – anything but diamond. She and I and another sister went shopping and found a honking big square-cut aquamarine. That was her choice. Her fiance said OK, so that was it. He just wanted to stay out of it (he’s a geologist, and it’s all the same to him. It could have been gneiss for all he cared).
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### Author:  [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/28 "2008-06-10T13:40:30Z")
If you feel like you _have_ to have a ring, go buy an inexpensive one that you like that has her favorite stone or birthstone in it, or that’s just something she’d like. Then you can get one later, if needed.
SpouseO picked out my engagement ring himself - he had it made and everything. And he did an excellent job. I’m not one of those women who need to be in on the choosing of the ring, apparently - I love my ring and wouldn’t have any other.
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### Author:  [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/29 "2008-06-10T13:55:06Z")
Does she _need_ a ring right then? My husband proposed without a ring (his grandmother left him her wedding rings, so we had a ring custom-made from the diamond - had we not had that, I really wanted a sapphire for an engagement ring), and I didn’t feel any less engaged. I didn’t have a ring for two months, so it really wasn’t a big deal.
If she’s the kind of girl who needs a ring, you can always get a nice CZ ring with the promise that you’ll replace the CZ with a diamond when you can afford it.
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### Author:  [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/30 "2008-06-10T14:03:52Z")
My husband also proposed without a ring. He presented me with a lovely amethyst necklace instead. Later on we picked out the ring together.
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### Author:  [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/31 "2008-06-10T14:14:18Z")
I used an aquamarine ring as a starter. I then brought her up to a Sapphire by the time we married, and she finally got diamond on the 5th anniversary. She designed that one, and wears it more than she did the other two.
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### Author:  [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/32 "2008-06-10T14:24:26Z")
One thing that did drive me mad was my co-workers constantly demanding to see the ring when I hadn’t gotten it yet. I announced our engagement and told them a ring was forthcoming, but it took a while. Every damn day somebody asked me didjagetheringyet? and I would patiently answer. It was rough. The day the same woman asked me twice in one day – once in the morning, and again after lunch, as though I had run out and gotten a diamond on my lunch hour – I really lost it. And then somebody else had the balls to ask me “Weren’t you engaged or something? What happened with that?”
So I do endorse the idea of a temporary ring, CZ or other inexpensive stone that can be worn later, like **Snickers** said. It will avoid high blood pressure.
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### Author:  [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/33 "2008-06-10T14:32:37Z")
**Sigmagirl** ,
My college roommate was proposed to in public with a temporary ring. (She’d been in on the planning of the real ring, it just wasn’t finished yet, and he wanted to surprise her. Well, and propose in public–make it an event). I think the part of that which bugged roommate most was having people want to see the ring, and being unable to show off the modest real ring. (The temporary ring was REALLY cheap looking).
My brother shocked his bride-to-be by proposing ring in hand. Being proposed to wasn’t entirely a surprise, being proposed to that day was, and the fact that he’d already bought a ring was a shock. The ring itself suited her.
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### Author:  [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/34 "2008-06-10T14:40:20Z")
Incidentally, my answer to the the original question is, not tacky at all–but I’d hope you’d have a better idea of how your intended will respond than a bunch of strangers on message board do. We’re great at giving general advice, but there’s a lot of times when our reactions are not the same as the specific reactions the advice seeker gets when actually interacting with people in person.
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/35 "2008-06-10T15:26:00Z")
I proposed without a ring. She didn’t care and was so happy that the almost forgot to say “yes” (her reaction made it clear that was her answer).
We got a ring a few months later – something from my grandmother. It wasn’t exactly her ring, but my grandfather evidently once tried unsuccessfully to sell jewelry in his store and ended up with a few rings that he kept in the save. She chose one and still wears it.
Ultimately, the ring isn’t all that important.
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### Author:  [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/36 "2008-06-10T15:43:50Z")
[QUOTE=CairoCarol]
Sounds like me and my husband, WhyNot…after a while, it just became pretty obvious that we ought to stick together.
[/QUOTE]
It also sounds like me and Himself…😃
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/37 "2008-06-10T15:57:36Z")
[QUOTE=TroubleAgain]
It also sounds like me and Himself…😃
[/QUOTE]
[Aw…what the heck.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=9890533#post9890533)
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### Author:  [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/38 "2008-06-10T16:25:09Z")
I think it would be tacky if your SO refused your proposal because you didn’t give her a ring. Although engagement rings have become the norm, they’re by no means a requirement. They’re expensive as hell.
When my husband proposed to me, he didnt’ give me the ring until after I said yes. The ring was just a bonus.
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### Author:  [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/39 "2008-06-10T16:28:32Z")
I also proposed without a ring. **Mama Zappa** knew I couldn’t afford one, and she was fine with that. My beloved would not have had an engagement ring at all if my Mom hadn’t given me an Amethyst ring (a family piece with much meaning!) to use for exactly that reason.
It can work out - **Mama Zappa** and I are about to hit our 25th wedding anniversary 😃 - but you have to ask the right woman. I definitely asked the right woman!!
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### Author:  [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)
#### Post date: [June 10, 2008, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-tacky-is-it-to-propose-marriage-without-a-ring/452410/40 "2008-06-10T17:06:59Z")
I also proposed without a ring, knowing that LadyFacts would want to be in on the choice. One minor drawback of proposing with no ring, though, is that it opened the door to her actual response to my proposal: “Are you kidding?” :smack:
I guess that’s what I get for being a smartass. 😃
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