# "How the hell are they going to make that book into a movie?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 1, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405 "2009-06-01T20:37:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/41 "2009-06-02T15:18:12Z")
_100 years of Solitiltude_ will probably never be made into a book. If it does, it’ll probably end up looking something like the Catch 22 film in terms of structure. Pretty much any book by Umberto Eco, due to being so heady. Too bad, because I’d love to see _Foucaults Pendulum_ kick the Da Vinci Code’s ass. In the Hands of the right director/writer, somebody might be able to pull off _The Island of the Day before_, which was my first Eco and probably favorite still. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/42 "2009-06-02T15:20:51Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > _100 years of Solitiltude_ will probably never be made into a book. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/43 "2009-06-02T15:23:49Z")
Any part of the **Hyperion** series by Dan Simmons would probably turn out to suck as a movie. There is just too much going on, hard not to get even more preachy then the books do, time travel aspects would have to get dumbed down for the movie going public to digest. It would be a great big mess, probably long too. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/44 "2009-06-02T15:33:53Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Pretty much any book by Umberto Eco, due to being so heady. Too bad, because I’d love to see _Foucaults Pendulum_ kick the Da Vinci Code’s ass. I liked the Name of the Rose movie with Sean Connery, though apparently it didn’t make very much money. ---
**Author:** ![Skott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Skott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skott)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/45 "2009-06-02T15:43:51Z")
My first thought was **Nostradamus Ate My Hamster**. Of course, I think Rankin wrote it _specificially_ to be unfilmable. I wonder if **The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse** is within the realm of possibility… ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/46 "2009-06-02T16:08:17Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > I liked the Name of the Rose movie with Sean Connery, though apparently it didn’t make very much money. I should have said “Other then The Name of the Rose”. I’ve seen it, I know it exists, but somehow forgot to mention that. ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/47 "2009-06-02T16:47:13Z")
**Gravity’s Rainbow,** despite being a very cinematic novel. You could shoot a lot of rousing scenes, like the banana breakfast, but putting them together in a coherent whole would be impossible, and perhaps missing the point. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/48 "2009-06-02T17:08:20Z")
Surely the best example is Nick Hornby’s _Fever Pitch_ (the British original not the US ripoff), which is taken from a book that has absolutely no story. It is a series of essays by Hornby about his obsession with a football team and his family relationships. Later Hornby wrote a nice book about the making of the movie that includes his movie script. For those that don’t know his stuff [here](http://www.penguin.co.uk/static/cs/uk/0/minisites/nickhornby/books/fp_extract.html#fp) is the start of the book. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/49 "2009-06-02T17:51:18Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > So which category does **JSaMN** come under? The first, I suspect: it’s certainly a lengthy book, it spans a number of years, and the magic effects and battle sequences would be fairly costly, but I can’t see any inherent reason why Faerie is any more un-filmable than Narnia. I tried to explain in my OP what parts of **JSaMN** were un-filmable (which nobody seems to have noticed was the book example that made me create the thread) but I was trying to be vague as not to spoil it. So, don’t read this spoiler unless you plan on reading it: There are scenes that involve the man with thistle-down hair enchanting people; once enchanted, they walk around in Faerie, amongst everyone else that walks around in the real world. So you have some people in the same scene with others, in which one character is in a completely different landscape than the other person standing right next to them. You have trees existing in one place but not the other, so that a lamp post in London is a giant tree in Faerie, in the same spot. I just don’t know how they’ll film that. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/50 "2009-06-02T17:56:24Z")
> [@LateComer](#): > > When I heard they were making Misery into a movie I wondered how they could possibly make it into a movie. It takes place basically in one room and the main action is writing a book. Kudos to William Goldman and Rob Reiner for making such a great movie out of it. Maybe they should take a shot at Gerald’s Game. OMG… Gerald’s Game is seriously the creepiest book I have ever read! If they could make that one half as horrifying as the book they would have a _WINNER_! I have often wondered why no one has tried. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/51 "2009-06-02T18:05:37Z")
The movie _Naked Lunch_ was more about the book than based on the book. My nomination is the novel \*\*Hogg \*\*by Samuel R. Delany. I mean, I guess you could film it, but I’m pretty sure you’d have to break some laws to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/52 "2009-06-02T18:58:02Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > Although _The Chronicles Of Thomas Covenant_ was optioned a few years ago, that has to rank WAY up there on the “unfilmable” list. A huge chunk of the exposition takes place as internal monologue; but even if you overcome that, the anti-hero nature of Covenant himself would pretty much guarantee box-office doom, especially since his worst act would occur in the first 45 minutes of any movie. there are scenes that would be truly amazing though. The bloodguard fighting the invisble guardian in The One Tree, the lords setting up the word of warning and one of them facing down a giant-raver solo, the battles, Elena and the power of command, etc. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/53 "2009-06-02T20:33:53Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > there are scenes that would be truly amazing though. The bloodguard fighting the invisble guardian in The One Tree, the lords setting up the word of warning and one of them facing down a giant-raver solo, the battles, Elena and the power of command, etc. Well, sure, it could be great, but we’d have the theater to ourselves. We’d probably get to see the Ritual of Desecration instead of hearing about it and that would be cool, but I don’t think the public at large would accept a protagonist who is a rapist. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/54 "2009-06-02T21:39:05Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > Well, sure, it could be great, but we’d have the theater to ourselves. We’d probably get to see the Ritual of Desecration instead of hearing about it and that would be cool, but I don’t think the public at large would accept a protagonist who > > is a rapist. I’ll see you there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2009, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/55 "2009-06-02T23:33:00Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > They’re making “World War Z” into a movie, and I’m wondering how that will pan out… I read the screen play J Michael Strazyskcizzyyis(SP(.. no idea) did a few years back. If that was what they wanted to film… not panning out well at all. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/56 "2009-06-03T09:52:25Z")
Obligatory nomination: The Orchid Thief 😃 > [@Mach Tuck](#): > > Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I actually thought this was pretty decent. There were definitely some mistakes made, and I wasn’t overly fond of the forced love story, but the movie actually did a better job than the book in some respects - the dolphin bit was wonderful and very Adamsy, the Vogons as British bureaucrats was brilliant. The “book” segments were great. Marvin was fantastically portrayed, he looked perfectly like both a state of the art robot and also one that was depressed, something that I found hard to imagine. The casting was great for the most part, especially Arthur, Slartibartfast, and Marvin. Ford Prefect was a really interesting choice, unexpected, but worked out well. There were a few mistakes definitely, but I think they were eclipsed by all the great stuff that happened with it. > [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](#): > > Any part of the **Hyperion** series by Dan Simmons I could be mistaken, but I think this is in preproduction.. > [@filling\_pages](#): > > My nomination is the novel \*\*Hogg \*\*by Samuel R. Delany. I mean, I guess you could film it, but I’m pretty sure you’d have to break some laws to do so. Heh. Maybe with a really young looking 18 year old or a body double. Or maybe filmed in another country. Kids and Lolita got made. And there’s plenty of gay kink barely legal porn out there… ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/57 "2009-06-03T13:47:48Z")
I’m not seeing how _The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_ even qualifies for this thread. It was not originally a book but a radio series, adapted by the author into books and other media, with numerous revisions along the way. It would seem to be the perfect “adaptation” into a movie, since you can pretty much film what you want. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/58 "2009-06-03T19:39:59Z")
> [@PapSett](#): > > Cujo. Yeah, yeah, it WAS made into a movie. A movie that left out all the subtle, creepy stuff, like the dead serial child killer taking over the rabid dog’s brain. From the time I read the book, I KNEW they wouldn’t be able to capture that on film. And they didn’t. Subtle? Stephen King is a lot of things, but subtle isn’t one. I kind of thought that the child killer taking over the dog’s brain didn’t really work…at least not for me. I haven’t seen the whole movie, so I can’t really judge it. Then again, a lot of what I liked was the inner monologue stuff that movies can’t really do. What the person’s thinking and so on–like Donna, in the car. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/59 "2009-06-03T21:21:47Z")
I’m not holding my breath waiting for an adaptation of Olaf Stapledon’s _Last and First Men_ or _Star Maker_ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405/60 "2009-06-03T21:46:59Z")
Some candidates for this: **Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask)** **The Naked Ape** (Twice!!) Frederick Forsyth’s **The Fourth Protocol** C.S. Forester’s **The Gun** These last two are heavily episodic – they filmed them by assigning actions by multple characters in the books to single individuals in the movie – so Michael Caine, for instance got a big part in The Fourth Protocol. They also gabe The Gun a happy ending, and a classier-sounding title ( **the Pride and the Passion** ). I’m amazed that Peter Jackson’s **Lord of the Rings** came out as close as it did (especially after Ralph Bakshi showed whayt a fiasco you could make of it). And the **Watchmen** came out as faithful as it did. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-the-hell-are-they-going-to-make-that-book-into-a-movie/498405.md?page=4)