# How to approach someone you have a crush on **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2017, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601 "2017-04-02T19:05:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![dirty\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@dirty\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirty_hippie)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2017, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/61 "2017-04-12T23:15:28Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Yeah, I’m not getting a good feeling about this **DH**. You’re putting way too much thought into this. You need to ask yourself: “When this lady goes home at night, how much time does she spend thinking about me?” > > And if the answer is considerably less than you think about her, you need to ask yourself if you’re okay with that. > > Usually, when the attraction is mutual, the couple involved find that out in short order. There is no strategizing or guess work involved. It just happens. I’ve actually been quite busy this past week with work that I didn’t really think about planning on how to woo her. Not until today Don’t worry, I’m not losing sleep on this. If anything, it’s just a distraction. Ok, next time I will do or say something to at least see if I have a chance and not act like some school boy. Ioioio, I thought about that afterwards…maybe I’ll ask!!! It’s on! Sent from my C6916 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2017, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/62 "2017-04-13T00:49:14Z")
> [@Weisshund](#): > > According to the feminist experts, it is totally improper for you to talk to her unless she speaks to you, and you can not ask her out unless she tells you that you can. > > Doing otherwise is apparently some form of rape or something?? > I’ve no idea, these new rules are too confusing, and i have no idea how anyone is supposed to get a date under them? > Good thing i am too old and much too ugly to worry about a date. Feminist exp…the fuck are you even talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2017, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/63 "2017-04-13T05:36:10Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Feminist exp…the fuck are you even talking about? Skim that poster’s history, you’ll see it’s well within character and they surely are too ugly to date (at least from the ugliness of what’s in their mind). ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2017, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/64 "2017-04-13T18:29:36Z")
You are way overthinking it, dude, and making up a lot of excuses. The more you wait the worse it’s going to get. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, don’t agonize over the perfect thing to say, just nut up and go. Less talking about it and more doing. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn’t. Don’t creep out on her if it doesn’t. Yeah it’ll suck but you’ll be over it in no time. Maybe it works and you’ll be kicking yourself in the ass for screwing around so long. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/65 "2017-04-13T22:05:46Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Usually, when the attraction is mutual, the couple involved find that out in short order. There is no strategizing or guess work involved. It just happens. Words of wisdom. Can we make it a sticky? But, look, **hippie** : > [@dirty\_hippie](#): > > Ok, next time I will do or say something to at least see if I have a chance and not act like some school boy. Do the thing or get off the pot, OK? Would you please just have a conversation with this girl? Seriously, don’t let this thread end without you doing _something_. You have a captive audience here. Otherwise, it’ll be like the thread I started once about shaving my eyebrows, only to change my mind. I almost got booed off the board. You don’t have to ask her out straight off the bat. In fact, my advice is still: For heaven’s sake, don’t. But here’s what you do: Ask her how she’s doing. Just that. Say: “Hi. How are you doing?” Could you that? Can we make that the homework assignment for next week? ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/66 "2017-04-14T00:06:03Z")
> [@dirty\_hippie](#): > > Just a quick question…so I stopped by the store this morning (exactly one week later). I saw her doing something by the deli as I was walking in. When I was ready to pay I didn’t see her at any of the registers or at the self checkout stations. I sighed and decided to pay at the self checkout where there was another employee stationed there. > > When I was just about done I noticed a price discrepancy, so I turned around to ask for assistance. She was there! But at that exact moment when I turned around another customer was having issues and notified her first. > > She was sort of in the middle of figuring what was wrong, so she didn’t look at me immediately when I turned around and uttered something to get her attention. I really didn’t expect her to be there though. > > Anyway, after helping the first customer she came to me and helped me. This time I looked at her fingers. I noticed a silver band on the middle finger of her left hand and the other hand had a similar ring on either the ring or middle finger. What does this mean??? > > I really had a good opportunity to chat her up but didn’t do it. I also noticed that she looked a bit dolled up this time around. Bright pink lipstick and nails. > > Sent from my C6916 using Tapatalk This is excruciating. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/67 "2017-04-14T00:10:20Z")
Offer your hand when you introduce yourself. Make sure that palm is sweaty. They love that. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/68 "2017-04-14T05:52:47Z")
> [@dirty\_hippie](#): > > I noticed a silver band on the middle finger of her left hand and the other hand had a similar ring on either the ring or middle finger. What does this mean??? I know what this means. It means she likes to wear rings, but she DELIBERATELY is not wearing a ring that would indicate she’s married. At least, that’s what I used to do when I was single. I love rings and would wear several, but always made sure my left hand ring finger was ring free. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/69 "2017-04-14T06:34:12Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Skim that poster’s history, you’ll see it’s well within character and they surely are too ugly to date (at least from the ugliness of what’s in their mind). To be fair, there was/is a feminist here, who compares a man offering a handshake, to rape/sexual assault, so it’s not that far off. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/70 "2017-04-14T06:59:57Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > I would try to strike up a little meaningless small talk with her like commenting on how she works a lot because you notice her there every time you come in. If she responds enthusiastically by continuing the small talk or asking you something about yourself you can take it from there. If she seems totally disinterested in your attention or uncomfortable about it don’t ask her out. Keep trying small talk or look elsewhere. Yep. You can get a damn good idea whether you have a chance just with smalltalk. And if you think you’re getting green lights ask her out in a casual enough way that there’s no lost face if you read the situation wrong. Probably all this is happening over more than 1 visit. What you must not do is reveal all your feelings prior to even knowing the first thing about someone. Works in movies, not IRL. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/71 "2017-04-14T07:28:50Z")
Well, shit. Here;s what I’d do, since the OP seems to be fishing for this. I’d look for some particular characteristic that is actually nice looking (not tits), and very casually remark on it: Nice outfit, or cool glasses, or that haircut suits you, or is that an Indian bracelet?. Take your smile and thank you and let it go. Then, next trip, I’d seek out her aisle, and just see if she looks like she recognizes and remembers me. If she doesn’t, forget it – no chance. If she does, then start planning for my third encounter. “Nice outfit” actually gets quite a lot of smiles, but make sure she is actually wearing something that she made some effort to look stylish, otherwise it could come off as unwelcome sarcasm. Don’t linger and ogle, just say “Nice outfit” and smile and pass on. Women love to be made to feel that they’re doing something right and somebody has noticed approvingly. Break the ice. Always break the ice. Just make that first crack, and let it spread according to its own molecular structure. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/72 "2017-04-14T10:24:53Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > To be fair, there was/is a feminist here, who compares a man offering a handshake, to rape/sexual assault, so it’s not that far off. Not in this thread, there isn’t/wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2017, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/73 "2017-04-14T17:15:43Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > To be fair, there was/is a feminist here, who compares a man offering a handshake, to rape/sexual assault, so it’s not that far off. She’s not a feminist, she’s batshit. Good grief. :rolleyes: **dirty hippie** , don’t do something because people on the internet are getting impatient. Take your time. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2017, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/74 "2017-04-15T23:18:48Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > Don’t linger and ogle, just say “Nice outfit” and smile and pass on. Women love to be made to feel that they’re doing something right and somebody has noticed approvingly. Yes, they are simple, empty-headed creatures who need only the occasional crumb of approbation from men to be happy. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/75 "2017-04-15T23:58:18Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Yes, they are simple, empty-headed creatures who need only the occasional crumb of approbation from men to be happy. OK, then linger and ogle. After all, they are simple, empty . . . . . ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2017, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/76 "2017-04-16T04:36:18Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > OK, then linger and ogle. After all, they are simple, empty . . . . . Personally I think he should drop the damp-palmed stammering and leave the poor bloody woman in peace. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2017, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/77 "2017-04-16T14:13:01Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Personally I think he should drop the damp-palmed stammering and leave the poor bloody woman in peace. And die alone? I don’t think he should profess his love to a stranger. But absolutely he can test the water with some small talk. If that’s off-limits then he may as well end it now as life’s clearly hopeless. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2017, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/78 "2017-04-16T21:10:17Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > And die alone? > > I don’t think he should profess his love to a stranger. But absolutely he can test the water with some small talk. If that’s off-limits then he may as well end it now as life’s clearly hopeless. Small talk is fine, but if he were going to speak to the woman he would have already, so now she’s left with some bloke hanging around her workplace twitching and gulping and straining to catch a glimpse of the rings on her fingers and the nametag on her breast so he can build up some desperate narrative and SHE WORE PINK LIPSTICK TODAY DOES THIS MEAN SHE’S AVAILABLE? ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/79 "2017-04-17T03:44:09Z")
**@Penfeather** : reading the OP back again there is something of a creepy vibe so your point is taken. **@dirty_hippie** : as implied by my above sentence, already the situation is somewhat suboptimal. You don’t really want to be focusing / fantasizing about someone you haven’t talked to. Especially not a pretty girl in a service job, who probably gets asked out a lot and is likely sick of it. Step 1 of my “dating advice to shy guys” schtick is: talk to more people. More people in general, and including attractive women. Eventually it will not be a big deal to talk to an attractive woman, and also you’ll find you become interested in women at a more appropriate time – around the time you’re sensing they are interested in you. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601/80 "2017-04-17T04:09:10Z")
Can you play guitar? Sing her a song! Oh checkout lady I’ve been checking you out. Ran you through my scanner and now I have no doubt. You see, for quite a while now I’ve been self-service only. Now my wrappings worn off and I’m just so lonely. With your silky black hair, you’re my ring-it-through beauty. But don’t be afraid, I won’t shop-lift that booty. Your sking is so smooth, I can’t wait to price-tag it. And when we’re making love, I’ll alway double-bag it. Oh check-out girl, you so excite me. We need a clean up, on aisle three. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-approach-someone-you-have-a-crush-on/783601.md?page=5)