# How to be a Perfect Wife. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 6, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965 "2001-03-06T17:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![inertia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d07c76/32.png) [@inertia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inertia)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/1 "2001-03-06T17:31:31Z")
The ideas expressed in this article sound pretty disgusting to me, but they are presented as being somewhat popular. I hope I haven’t affected your bias toward it already 😉 [http://www.smh.com.au/news/0103/03/features/features1.html](http://www.smh.com.au/news/0103/03/features/features1.html) Have a nice day. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/2 "2001-03-06T17:48:24Z")
Each to her own, I suppose. But ICK! ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/3 "2001-03-06T17:49:22Z")
Whoa. I mean, I’m all for surrender, submission, whatever in the bedroom… No, wait, that’s off the topic… Are we sure that the “real” Ms. Doyle hasn’t been replaced with a Stepford Wife? I’ve never been married, but I’m sure you don’t have to be an idiot to know that nagging, pushy, controlling behavior isn’t the best route for relationship harmony. But “whatever you say dear?” Oh…the gagging…the gagging… ---
**Author:** ![Clucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@Clucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clucky)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/4 "2001-03-06T19:05:36Z")
> [@](#): > > **He perked up even more, and then she started closing her eyes when he was driving and - hey presto! - he started driving better, or _at least more manfully._** (Italics are mine.) Manfully? As funny as this sounds, I have to say I wish my wife would close her eyes when I drive. Every time I switch lanes she about climbs out of her seat. And, I swear to you, [rainman]I’m an excellent driver.[/rainman} Seriously, I am. > [@](#): > > \*\*She had to struggle to keep her less kind thoughts to herself, though. She had to keep telling herself: “Don’t try to control him.” That was a mouthful if you had to say it over and over. So she decided to reduce it to a one-word mantra: surrender. \*\* Imaging my wife chanting _surrendur_ over and over. Can’t see it ever happening. > [@](#): > > **The mantra worked wonders in all compartments of her life, but never so wonderfully as it did in the bedroom. By now her friends were noticing that she and John were acting like a couple of newlyweds, and they wanted to know what her secret was. So she started running _a surrendered wives group in her lounge room_, and when the group got too crowded, she started running seminars. When these started multiplying faster than amoebae, she decided the time had come to spread the word nationally.** Per the italicized portion (my italics), I must admit here that my mind wandered to a dirty place with this mental imagery. ---
**Author:** ![Clucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@Clucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clucky)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/5 "2001-03-06T19:18:13Z")
> [@](#): > > **He perked up even more, and then she started closing her eyes when he was driving and - hey presto! - he started driving better, or _at least more manfully._** (Italics are mine.) Manfully? As funny as this sounds, I have to say I wish my wife would close her eyes when I drive. Every time I switch lanes she about climbs out of her seat. And, I swear to you, [rainman]I’m an excellent driver.[/rainman] Seriously, I am. > [@](#): > > **She had to struggle to keep her less kind thoughts to herself, though. She had to keep telling herself: “Don’t try to control him.” That was a mouthful if you had to say it over and over. So she decided to reduce it to a one-word mantra: surrender.** Imagining my wife chanting _surrendur_ over and over. Can’t see it ever happening. > [@](#): > > **The mantra worked wonders in all compartments of her life, but never so wonderfully as it did in the bedroom. By now her friends were noticing that she and John were acting like a couple of newlyweds, and they wanted to know what her secret was. So she started running _a surrendered wives group in her lounge room_, and when the group got too crowded, she started running seminars. When these started multiplying faster than amoebae, she decided the time had come to spread the word nationally.** Per the italicized portion (my italics), I must admit here that my mind wandered to a dirty place when I read this. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/6 "2001-03-06T19:26:43Z")
Holy crap, I thought I was going to have an aneurysm reading this. The thought of my man adoring me for acting this way is actually funny; he would think I had lost my mind. He wanted a woman who would be his partner, and support and respect and debate and challenge him, and that’s what he got. If he had wanted a servant, I suppose he would have hired one. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/7 "2001-03-06T19:33:04Z")
(BTW, what is that thing on the woman in the picture’s head? A dwarf rabbit?) ---
**Author:** ![eirroc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f1d935/32.png) [@eirroc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eirroc)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/8 "2001-03-06T19:35:08Z")
I cant _believe_ what I just read. I thought it was tongue in cheek at first but no. God, my hubby would _hate_ me to act like that as I’m sure all enlightened men would. Bleegghhh! Boke! and all that. I can see it now, Hubby- why are you closing your eyes while I’m driving? me- so I dont roll them when you miss the exit dear. me- here you go dear your packed lunch is made your shirts are ironed an no of course I dont mind if you go out with your buddies and leave me in the house forever more. hubby- excuse me but have you been taken over by aliens? Bad vomit inducing aliens? \ ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/9 "2001-03-06T19:47:06Z")
Wow… uh… wow. WTF was that?! There’s just something seriously wrong with this woman in my opinion. Subservience is not love nor is it even respect. It’s not even close. G-d, this article just made me physically ill. \ And, not so much the article itself, but that there are couples actually subscribing to this belief. It’s not just the women practicing, but the men who condone it. Who are these losers? And why are their mentalities still in the gene pool? Jeez, this kind of extremism towards either side of this spectrum just frustrates me to no end. What happened to just loving and having respect for one’s spouse? [sub]Too damn much extremism.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/10 "2001-03-06T19:57:10Z")
You guys are missing the point. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/11 "2001-03-06T20:00:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > (BTW, what is that thing on the woman in the picture’s head? A dwarf rabbit?) That would be the Happy Thoughts Control Device. It attaches to the cranium of the victi–err… wife with three-inch wood screws. Any time you think unhappy thoughts about your husband or your indentured servitude in general, it produces a slightly negative stimulus.\* \*12V automotive batteries and convenient carrying case sold separately. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/12 "2001-03-06T20:06:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LouisB \* > **You guys are missing the point.** What do you think the point is? ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/13 "2001-03-06T20:08:09Z")
> [@](#): > > “Don’t criticise him, let him make the wrong turn, give him lots of oral sex and be sure to swallow.” I think whenever I feel like picking up women, I’m going to forget the singles bar and hang out at one of these support groups instead. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/14 "2001-03-06T20:20:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Disrespecting your husband’s choices on a regular basis is like pricking him repeatedly with little pins. At least they got this part right. When I’m wrong about something, and my girlfriend suggests the correct way to do it, it’s just as if she were pricking me with pins. Nothing makes me madder than reality. ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/15 "2001-03-06T21:05:32Z")
At least **your** husband did not go out and buy you this book. I just about clobbered my hubby for doing that. :eek: And yes…it got sent back to where it came from, quickly. Surrendered wife, _my ass_! ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/16 "2001-03-06T21:22:59Z")
As much as I disagree with almost everything in there (I hate, it HATE it when my SO says ‘whatever you say, dear’, mainly I think because she does it with dripping sarcasm. It stings like hell.), the thing about being pricked with pins every time her eyes roll or she sighs like I’m an idiot. It hurts. Correct me, sure, explain it to me, but dont make me feel like a doofus because I’ve made a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Soda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@Soda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soda)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2001, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/17 "2001-03-06T21:35:09Z")
> [@](#): > > When these started multiplying faster than amoebae Amoebae, indeed. I hope I die from a million mosquito bites before I surrender to my man. And (god help me) I despise women who take advice like this. And what’s with the rolling eyes? Whatever happened to communicating like equals? Go away, take your little time machine and leave the 21st century. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/18 "2001-03-07T02:43:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by LouisB \* > > **You guys are missing the point.** > > What do you think the point is?\*\* I thought there was a point, but that was before I read part of the book. If there is a point, it is that this book is garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/19 "2001-03-07T03:11:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mrblue92 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > > (BTW, what is that thing on the woman in the picture’s head? A dwarf rabbit?) > > That would be the Happy Thoughts Control Device. It attaches to the cranium of the victi–err… wife with three-inch wood screws. Any time you think unhappy thoughts about your husband or your indentured servitude in general, it produces a slightly negative stimulus.\* > > _12V automotive batteries and convenient carrying case sold separately._\* Thank you, mrblue92. I’ll sleep better tonight now 😃 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by aenea_ > **At least your husband did not go out and buy you this book. I just about clobbered my hubby for doing that. And yes…it got sent back to where it came from, quickly. Surrendered wife, my ass!** Please tell me he thought it was a gag gift :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2001, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965/20 "2001-03-07T03:16:11Z")
This book seems to be for women who married men unable to drive manfully. If building hubbys’ egos with silence and lies, and censoring their thoughts and words so not to bust their husbands’ unmanly chops helps their hubbys be better, more masculine drivers, then by all means, bite your collective wilfely tounges and lock those eyes in an anti-roll mode. (How can you tell if your husband is driving in an unmanful manner? Do I drive in an unmanful manner? Does it matter that I’m a woman? Is this unmanful driving caused by all the times my sister rolled her eyes at me?) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-a-perfect-wife/56965.md?page=2)