# How to be more convincing on the Internet **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 5, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304 "2011-02-05T19:02:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/61 "2011-02-08T19:16:00Z")
Google is your friend. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/62 "2011-02-09T01:06:26Z")
Numb3rs. A11 w0rd5 n33d numb3rs 1n th3m. 58008 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/63 "2011-02-09T01:25:47Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Reply to another poster’s very long post (quoting it in its entirety) with just one or two sentences, thereby eating up lots of valuable server space. Extra points for doing this right underneath the post you’re quoting (or doing it with the OP which we can assume everyone in the thread has read). I know I also take posts very seriously when they start with, “I haven’t read the thread but here’s my opinion anyway…” ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/64 "2011-02-09T03:29:21Z")
When your opponent deconstructs your argument and refutes all of your statements point by point, just say TL;DR and start arguing a post they made about unrelated subject last week. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/65 "2011-02-09T16:31:29Z")
> [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > When your opponent deconstructs your argument and refutes all of your statements point by point, just say > > TL;DR. You also then must mock the other party for wasting so much time on a message board argument, and state that you would do likewise except that you have a job and don’t live in your mother’s basement. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/66 "2011-02-09T17:23:44Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Whenever someone makes an awesome post to an OP, quote it and say “That’s what I came in to post.” > > If it weren’t against the rules, I’d creat a sock puppet to do this and only this. N MAKE SURE U POST \>\>\>FIRST\<\<\< 2 SO ALL OTHER THEY LOOSERS NO UR TEH R0XX0R NINJA SNIPER and don’t forget the anime screenshot avatar and signature field the size of a shoebox. Whoever has the most jerky animations and giant HTML links wins! ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/67 "2011-02-09T17:26:12Z")
And ASCII art for no reason. Bonus points for sexual or scatalogical subjects ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/68 "2011-02-09T17:27:27Z")
And, and, and, go back days later and edit the controversial parts out of your post so you can tell the haters “WHAT RU TALKIN ABOUT I NEVER WROTE THAT!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/69 "2011-02-09T19:55:45Z")
> [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > When your opponent deconstructs your argument and refutes all of your statements point by point, just say > > TL;DR > > and start arguing a post they made about unrelated subject last week. This is similar to one of my “favorite” things on the World of Warcraft game’s official forums. Since the most recent expansion, there have been numerous threads started by people complaining that the new content is too difficult. Sometimes (frequently) the OP presents a calm, rational, detailed explanation of what they’re finding too difficult, and why. And then, invariably, one of the game’s “elitists” who thinks the difficulty is fine the way it is will respond with “TL;DR”, and then proceed to declare that all that’s required for success is a willingness to put in “time and effort”. My, what a compelling argument you make, Sir! The way you declared your unwillingness to _put in the time and effort_ to read and comprehend what the OP said and then followed it up by instructing him to _put in time and effort_ was most convincing! You win, Sir! (Well, you would have “won” if anything in your response actually related to anything the OP actually said. But that would have required too much time and effort.) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/70 "2011-02-09T19:59:34Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > And, and, and, go back days later and edit the controversial parts out of your post so you can tell the haters “WHAT RU TALKIN ABOUT I NEVER WROTE THAT!!!” Following the robo-posting advice, I see. Whatever you are selling, sir, I will gladly buy. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/71 "2011-02-09T20:15:52Z")
**Feddy the Pig** beat me too it. Probably because he lives in his mom’s basement and doesn’t have to go to work like I do. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/72 "2011-02-09T20:24:15Z")
“My post is my cite.” ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/73 "2011-02-09T20:45:41Z")
Post lies. Repost them over and over. Eventually, you will win. Simple, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/74 "2011-02-09T21:10:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Following the robo-posting advice, I see. Whatever you are selling, sir, I will gladly buy. YEH I AM TEH RULER OF TEH INTARWEBS!!!1!!!11 w00+!!! And I’ve got a fine selection of WoW gold, miracle acai berry weightloss pills, $15 iPads and crackwarez versions of all your favorite programs! Just follow the giant blinky hyperlink that (crosses her fingers) definitely does NOT infect your system with pernicious malware that deletes all your personal files and replace them with clown porn, norsiree bobby! ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/75 "2011-02-09T22:14:48Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > “Bush lied about Iraq” is always a compelling argument. > > Regards, > Shodan > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Whenever someone makes an awesome post to an OP, quote it and say “That’s what I came in to post.” > > If it weren’t against the rules, I’d creat a sock puppet to do this and only this. > [@newcomer](#): > > Quote something from your opponent link and make a point that the quote shows you are right. Not him. > > Use totally unrelated, non-controversial and self-evident issue and then make it related, controversial and totally obfuscate. > > Present assumptions as facts and stream of consciousness as logical thinking. > > Do not just think you`re right, be right. > [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Don’t forget to wish them a blessed day. > [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Reply to another poster’s very long post (quoting it in its entirety) with just one or two sentences, thereby eating up lots of valuable server space. > [@Ravenman](#): > > Every citation should be a link to a three hour YouTube video. Pay special attention to the part between 0:45.11 and 1:15.23!!! > [@PoorYorick](#): > > Google is your friend. > [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Numb3rs. A11 w0rd5 n33d numb3rs 1n th3m. > > 58008 > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Extra points for doing this right underneath the post you’re quoting (or doing it with the OP which we can assume everyone in the thread has read). > > I know I also take posts very seriously when they start with, “I haven’t read the thread but here’s my opinion anyway…” > [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > When your opponent deconstructs your argument and refutes all of your statements point by point, just say > > TL;DR > > and start arguing a post they made about unrelated subject last week. > [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > You also then must mock the other party for wasting so much time on a message board argument, and state that you would do likewise except that you have a job and don’t live in your mother’s basement. > [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > N MAKE SURE U POST \>\>\>FIRST\<\<\< 2 SO ALL OTHER THEY LOOSERS NO UR TEH R0XX0R NINJA SNIPER > > and don’t forget the anime screenshot avatar and signature field the size of a shoebox. Whoever has the most jerky animations and giant HTML links wins! > [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > And ASCII art for no reason. Bonus points for sexual or scatalogical subjects > [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > And, and, and, go back days later and edit the controversial parts out of your post so you can tell the haters “WHAT RU TALKIN ABOUT I NEVER WROTE THAT!!!” > [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > This is similar to one of my “favorite” things on the World of Warcraft game’s official forums. Since the most recent expansion, there have been numerous threads started by people complaining that the new content is too difficult. > > Sometimes (frequently) the OP presents a calm, rational, detailed explanation of what they’re finding too difficult, and why. And then, invariably, one of the game’s “elitists” who thinks the difficulty is fine the way it is will respond with “TL;DR”, and then proceed to declare that all that’s required for success is a willingness to put in “time and effort”. My, what a compelling argument you make, Sir! The way you declared your unwillingness to _put in the time and effort_ to read and comprehend what the OP said and then followed it up by instructing him to _put in time and effort_ was most convincing! You win, Sir! (Well, you would have “won” if anything in your response actually related to anything the OP actually said. But that would have required too much time and effort.) > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Following the robo-posting advice, I see. Whatever you are selling, sir, I will gladly buy. > [@shiftless](#): > > **Feddy the Pig** beat me too it. Probably because he lives in his mom’s basement and doesn’t have to go to work like I do. > [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > “My post is my cite.” > [@Gagundathar](#): > > Post lies. > Repost them over and over. > Eventually, you will win. > > Simple, eh? > [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > YEH I AM TEH RULER OF TEH INTARWEBS!!!1!!!11 w00+!!! > And I’ve got a fine selection of WoW gold, miracle acai berry weightloss pills, $15 iPads and crackwarez versions of all your favorite programs! Just follow the giant blinky hyperlink that (crosses her fingers) definitely does NOT infect your system with pernicious malware that deletes all your personal files and replace them with clown porn, norsiree bobby! QFT ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/76 "2011-02-09T22:39:09Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > YEH I AM TEH RULER OF TEH INTARWEBS!!!1!!!11 w00+!!! > And I’ve got a fine selection of WoW gold, miracle acai berry weightloss pills, $15 iPads and crackwarez versions of all your favorite programs! Just follow the giant blinky hyperlink that (crosses her fingers) definitely does NOT infect your system with pernicious malware that deletes all your personal files and replace them with clown porn, norsiree bobby! I would gladly buy these items from you, but my money is a bit tied up at the moment in a bit of an international banking dust up, so I am having difficulties accessing these moneys. If you would honourably work with me in this business dealings, I can purchase these items from you most respectably and give you a significant commission for your efforts. I have a sum of £13,000,000 (Thirteen Million Pounds Sterling) to be issued into your account, then I will most humbly request that you give me £12,000,000. You may keep the different as your commission. Please provide your complete contact information, including your full name, address, United States SSN and information regarding the accounts to which I will deposit the moneys. Many Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/77 "2011-02-10T13:35:57Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I would gladly buy these items from you, but my money is a bit tied up at the moment in a bit of an international banking dust up, so I am having difficulties accessing these moneys. If you would honourably work with me in this business dealings, I can purchase these items from you most respectably and give you a significant commission for your efforts. I have a sum of £13,000,000 (Thirteen Million Pounds Sterling) to be issued into your account, then I will most humbly request that you give me £12,000,000. You may keep the different as your commission. Please provide your complete contact information, including your full name, address, United States SSN and information regarding the accounts to which I will deposit the moneys. > > Many Thanks. Lemmee introduce you to my friend [Crandall Spondular](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=446481&highlight=crandall+spondular). He’ll be glad to help 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/78 "2011-02-10T15:47:21Z")
If all else fails, and you need a Hail Mary to salvage your side of the argument, question why your opponent has such a “hard-on” for the topic at issue, or for yourself. Anyone who would have a hard-on over an Internet argument is a doofus, so your opponent will look ridiculous and you win. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/79 "2011-02-10T16:30:09Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > 1. Call people a Nazi, everyone HATES this. Once my grandmother got into an arugment with Hitler and she called him a Nazi and even he hated it. So when a person makes a valid point call him a Nazi and/or compare him to Hitler > > 2. Use social networking, like MySpace or Facebook. It obvious the more friends you have on a social network site, the more intellegent you are and the more correct your opinons are. The more friends you have the more “cool” you are. Your correctnes is proportional to your coolness. > > 3. Post a fake pic. Even if you’re right, it’s better to be WRONG AND UGLY than right and correct. People will listen to you if they think you’re hot. > > 4. Bring up their weight problem. Since a majority of people in the West are overweight, you can always say “He (She) doesn’t know when to stop eating, if she can’t do a simple thing like that how can she be right?” > > 5. Call people an AIDS boy. Nobody likes AIDS. And since even among gays, the AIDS rate is climbing despite knowlege of how to prevent it, it gets under people’s skin and makes you sound convincing > > 6. Only talk about easy subjects. Start topics like: > > I think it should be illegal to push wheelchair people down hills for the purposes of gambling. Or “I am against using fuzzy kitty cats as decorative orniments on wedding cakes.” > > 1. If you can’t sound convincing trick your opponents. For instance, mention Linux. No one really knows what this is, and everyone is afraid to admit it. So while you’re being convincing on the Internet, they’re busy googling, “Linux.” > > 2. Criticize grammar and spelling. Point out it doesn’t matter how effective their arguments are, if they mispell a word or put in a typo they’re stupid. Point out, even though there’s never been a rule where a sentence can’t end in a preposition, if they DO, do this, then that means they can’t be right about anything else > > 3. Use Wikipedia to support your claims. Make a claim, then run to Wikipedia and change it there to support your fact. Don’t forget to include a reference to a book that no one has immediate access to, so it looks like your claims are properly referenced. > > 4. Always get in the last word. ALWAYS, did you understand, don’t let the other guy get in the last word. Even if it means you keep a thread going till the second coming you ALWAYS get in the last word. Do you got that? 'Cause if you don’t… Top quoting shows how savvy you are. People who think you should edit quotes are stupid. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304/80 "2011-02-12T19:03:05Z")
Post lots and lots. The more you post, the better chance you have of convincing others. The more crap you can cram into each post, the more obvious it will be that you must be correct. And start lots of topics, that show you are an Alpha and must be listened to. Don’t waste time actually reading what anyone else says, that is a waste of time, time you could be spending writing even more posts to convince people. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-to-be-more-convincing-on-the-internet/570304.md?page=5)