Thank you OP. I have decided to become more socially conscious, so I’m quitting my job to become a Corporate Overlord. Not only will I crush unwashed ineffectual hippie-whiners “Occupy” types beneath my $12,000 cowboy-boot made of the hide of endangered-lizards, I’ll do my best to create cars that pollute more, so people will buy breath-masks that my corporation makes and poor people who can’t afford them can go and work in my sweatshops where they’ll be given inferior versions of the masks, so they either buy money from my Big Pharma companies or die! Also, I plan on selling war-widows and orphans to meet my stock margins.
I’m really inspired by the idea that we should all try to “change the world”. So, thanks!
Robert, LSLGuy’s first post really points back at one of the key issues. People being more politically conscious don’t mean that they are speaking out against what you perceive as wrong. Fox News personalities ridiculing people speaking out is a form of activism for their believes (and I’ve seen plenty of ridicule back from those that agree more with you.) What you consider wrongs really are things others support. The changes you want to make aren’t changes they support. If you really want to change the world you need to focus on the common ground where you can build consensus. Focusing on changes that are feasible instead of unfeasible utopian issues would let your work have more concrete results.
We can’t all do everything we’d want in any aspect of life.
See how good my newfound social consciousness is? It’s providing jobs for minions!
Ok–quick test minion:
You and I are in ConGLOMCo* creating plutonium dust to spread among the filthy hippies at “Occupy” protests. Our stated goal is “Healthcare”. The plutonium dust will kill all the lice and such in their filthy hippie blankets/hair/privates, but our sooper-sekrit goal is to MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE* by sterilizing them. Less hippies breeding means less hippie babies named “Starshine” and “Utopia” and “Che Guavera Pol Pot Gladhappy Unicorn”. And I think all of us, Left and Right can come together and agree that less filthy hippies having less filthy hippie babies which makes the world a brighter, more socially conscious place.
However, in comes the KING of the Hippies Barak Obama (obviously the dignified look is a disguise so he can walk among us) and he’s got G-Men with him. Only one of us can escape. What do you do, what do you do?
Second question: If you’re a bright young lackey type minion, and you’re being my wingman, if a totally un-politically conscious chick (aka, a woofer) is making a beeline to me as I’m approaching a babe with 36 double D social insight, do you
A) Block her even though it means spilling your red wine on an Armani suit that costs enough to feed a third world nation for 6 months.
B) Chat her up and teach her your own junior brand of political consciousness. In bed. If you know what I mean (Hint: I mean sex!)
C) Give her a lecture about going out to nightclubs while there are starving children not only in Guatamala, but in our own Appalachian mountains THIS VERY MINUTE
D) Step in front of me and intercept the girl with the hooter-ific bazongas and ask her if she’d like to examine your hard-and-fast political ideals (by which you mean, your penis)
Clock is ticking: GO!
And for bonus points, which is the correct answer to the following question:
A homeless guy who’s probably a wino is laying in a puddle of his own urine. He slurs “Do you have any spare change, mister?” Do you:
A) Say “Yes, quite a lot actually.” jingle it in your pocket and keep walking, content in the certainty that you’ve helped educate the drunk.
B) Say “Yes, and you can have some too, if you dance for it”–thus providing for the arts AND (when you throw the change on the ground) make him get some much-needed exercise. Also, he’ll probably spend it on booze anyway, so you’re shortening his life and as miserable as his existence is, this is probably a good thing.
C) Tell him “Yes, but I’m saving it for a $100,000 car, so you can’t have it.”
D) Something else. Please explain in 6 sentences or less.
I need the job: you escape, and I remain behind, to blend in with the crowd. I do make sure to deploy the Plutonium dust strategically, although I keep just enough to ease the passing of my uncle Ferd, who promised to mention me in his will. Some day, I’ll be an executive Vice President and will have minions of my own to throw under the bus. Until then, I must become completely comfortable with the underside of buses.
Goes without saying! I also ask a lot of “pillow talk” questions about our corporate competitors, in case she knows some useful dirt. It isn’t called “insider information” for nothing!
It’s like the Microsoft customer service joke: I’ve answered politely, and truthfully, and provided him no service whatever. Win/Win/Win!